Question about Marriage & Divorce

[434Teresa]

This has been very eye opening - I won't be getting married now I don't think.... If I cant keep everythign I own and everything in my account both when I enter the marriage and make throughout the marriage... I won't get married.... I am not going to allow some man to potentially leave me high and dry and burn me out of my money - I have heard too many stories about this - if there is nothing in place with the laws in our system to prevent this - then marriage is not for me..... very eye opening thread. Learned lots I suppose.

all so know that in some states after you live with a man for so long he can also take half of things if you were to kick him out or move out. Its called some kind of marriage but I for what..

Dont not get married and just settle for that if you truly love someone and you feel that he loves you to. I had a very bad marriage the first time around and yes it cost me some things,like him not paying his half of certin bills we had together that I had to pay to buy my home. he filed 7 so he did not have to pay it but it was still on my credit report as unpaid even tho it was his half to pay they would not remove it from my report.

But for 10 years now I have been with the best man out there I think. i could not have picked a better person to marry. Yes I was scared so much that I did not really want to even date him after the first few times for I knew I was falling for him. But I decided that the bad was not going to rule me for the rest of my life.

[JulieDB]

There is nothing illegal by having your own bank account if married.

I know that. But I think to hide it from the spouse if there were to be a divorce... But I could be wrong. I have a lawyer friend. I'll ask him.

[joshmamabear]

My FIL and his wife kept there finances separate and she owned the house (she paid on the mortgage...it was hers before they married) and when they divorced because they had been married for 10 years...everything that they owned was considered both of there property and had to be split..

so was there debt

In the end...it wasn't exactly 50/50 because they basically hammered out an agreement that was slightly different BUT if they wanted to continue to fight and carry on in order to each have 50% of each other's stuff they crap they could of kept on going

did the wife have a prenup agreement detailing what she owed prior to the marriage? If not, I guess it becomes moot that the property she brought into the marriage become a community property after 10 years of marriage. Again, laws may vary by state so we should always look into it.

And I agree that what is moral and legal may NOT be enforced or even if there are documents agreed by both parties, it does not mean both parties will not contest it; either one may choose to go to court to fight for their right, if NOT protect their personal interests should the relationship turn bad.

These are just realities of life we have to deal with, if there are no assets to divide, it seems a lot easier to cut ties and part ways. Money (assets/properties) complicates things in a divorce.

[joshmamabear]

This has been very eye opening - I won't be getting married now I don't think.... If I cant keep everythign I own and everything in my account both when I enter the marriage and make throughout the marriage... I won't get married.... I am not going to allow some man to potentially leave me high and dry and burn me out of my money - I have heard too many stories about this - if there is nothing in place with the laws in our system to prevent this - then marriage is not for me..... very eye opening thread. Learned lots I suppose.

You can say that now since you're probably not into a relationship nor is there a relationship in the horizon. You can't say never .....people fall in love and there's no telling the kinds of decisions they make

I have a cousin who's brilliant, she makes a lot of $$ as financial analyst and has been focused on her career; the clan thought she was content to live alone UNTIL she met a guy who turned to be my aunt's greatest nightmare. He can't hold a job, lazier than lazy, and often gets in trouble ; we don't know what love bug gripped my cousin (only thing we can see was the guy was good looking), she would not listen to any advice and went ahead to marry the guy. It spelled T-R-O-U-B-L-E at the start but she is an adult who can make decisions on her own, and she did. They moved back to Manila so I haven't heard from her but I hope she has not regretted her decision.

There is no such thing as a perfect mate/partner, only people who are matched perfectly for each other that they can live together peacefully without killing each other @ the first sign of trouble No such thing as perfect marriage either, it takes a lot of maturity and commitment to enter into a marriage with an open mind and heart. For me, there's also a divine factor (that meggers mentioned) that is the greatest bond that holds a man and wife together in marriage.

[clippyclippy]

This thread is making me so sad...
I really can't imagine getting married with any level of mistrust at all.
When dh and I got married 22 years ago, we agreed that divorce would never be an option whatsoever. First thing he did was to pay off my student loans (bless his heart...)
I worked until we had kids and I've been home ever since.

Financially, earnings-wise, it's all his. But he has always made it clear that he sees my contribution as every bit equal to his. Everything is ours. Whether it be assets or liabilities, we could never/would never separate out what should be "his" vs. "mine".
I think that keeping that mindset (his vs. hers) fuels those feeling of mistrust.

I do know bad things can happen, I just wish it was more rare - that there was more "forever" when people take those vows with each other.

Oh, and I do want to add - things haven't been all rosy all the time, obviously. But there has never been a door to run out of when the going gets tough. We're in a locked room together, and so we intend to make things good between us so we can be happy and not miserable

[hrhmom]

I am not going to allow some man

It shouldn't just be "some man" that you marry.

Take your time and find one who truly believes in being in a marriage forever.

See how involved he is with his own family.

Wait until he gets out of college. Wait until he shows you that he uses all that potential instead of "he has so much potential".

Money is not the only factor, but it is important. Why would you want a man who doesn't do his best? A man who does his best will be successful. A man who handles his money poorly before you get married is probably going to give you grief later.

I seriously believe that women require too little of men. You don't want a pansy man.

You want to be totally involved in every aspect of each other's lives. None of this checking account that he doesn't know anything about kind of this. Ooh, that would make me mad. You're supposed to be working toward common goals...if you don't know the whole picture, you're going to fail.