Online school?

[JulieDB]

Does anyone have experience with this? My daughter is in the 8th grade and is pushing hard for this and is also refusing to go to school. I do feel sorry for her because she goes to a big school with two stories. She has to go up and down the stairs a lot and there is only 4 minutes between classes. She hates school and hates gym and hates her gym teacher. She was supposed to get a different gym teacher but then the two teachers switched classes. So she got stuck with the same woman she had last year. I do think this year is going better in gym in that the teacher is now listening to me. Last year she forced my daughter to participate despite being injured and turning in a note from her Dr. stating that she could not partipate. I spoke to the teacher in person and also the school counselor. I think she finally believed me when I gave her a letter from Children's Hospital after they discovered a near stress fracture in her back! And I did try to get her out of gym. The school will allow it for special ed students for one semester if the parent fills out papers. It is possible that next semester she won't have to take it. We'll see.

The problem? She *is* in special ed. She has some sort of learning disability that means it takes her brain a lot longer to process things than the average person. This is difficult for me because I am one of those people who does everything fast. I was a very good student and always whipped through my work. She seems to struggle with everything. I don't have a whole lot of patience and we don't work at all well together.

I am also disabled which means I am at home most of the time. And my daughter seems very immature. She is afraid of strangers and doesn't like talking to people. She is 13 now and freaks if I have to leave the house for even a few minutes and leave her alone. I think this is partially her dad's fault because he refused to allow her to have a baby sitter except for a couple of occasions. So she is used to being around me and only me.

She also sleeps in my room. She has her own bed but is still in my room. When she was born, she had no room. My husband is in the military. We knew we'd be moving as soon as I'd had her and the Dr. gave the go ahead for me to move. So even though we did have a room that could have been hers, we didn't bother to decorate it. She slept in a bassinette and I just moved her around with me. And because I was breast feeding, she often slept in my bed. At that point I had moved into the spare room. When I was pregnant, my husband kept kicking me in the stomach in bed. Not on purpose, but... It just wasn't working for me. I moved to the spare room and it worked out much better for us. I also have sleep apnea and GERD. And I have bad veins in my legs. So I need a special pillow for my legs and another for my head for the GERD. And I should use a C Pap machine but I don't because I feel it doesn't help me. Anyway... It just works out better if I have my own bed. And here I have my own room!

When we moved, the military gave us a tiny 2 bedroom apartment. My husband insisted on taking the big bedroom for himself. So I moved the twin bed into the small room. We eventually got her a crib and she slept in there with me. She had a portable crib prior and I usually just slept downstairs with her. I'd sleep in the recliner and put her bassinette or portable crib next to me. At this point I had a lot of medical problems that had yet to be resolved so it was difficult for me to get up and down the stairs.

When we moved to NY, my parents were going to buy her a bed. Which they did. She'd had a toddler bed just prior to our moving but she had outgrown it and we gave it away.

They bought her a bed and dresser and she had her own room but she was afraid to sleep in it. The apartment we lived in was stupidly huge because they took two tiny apartments and made them into one. It was a strange floor plan and there were always strange noises and strange water leaks. We learned after we moved out that not only were there the mice and rats that we knew about, but squirrels were in the building. So that explains some of the noises. Anyway... My bedroom was HUGE! I put my twin bed in there and also the spare Queen bed that had been my husband's. The mattress is not one I was comfortable on which is why I didn't use it. So the whole time we lived there she slept in my room except for maybe a week.

When we bought this house, my bedroom was the biggest so my bed and the Queen bed went in there. She has slept in her own room briefly but just refuses to do it now. Her room is next to her dad's. When he is here she says she can't do it because he bugs her. And he does. He never sleeps through the night so he wakes her up when he is here. And when he is not here she is frightened to be in there by herself. This house has been remodeled and my bedroom is in the added on portion. Also the guy next door started to remodel his house and ran out of money. So he has Tyvek on the outside of his house that flaps in the wind and makes frightening sounding noises. Plus we have a lot of wild animals here. I had hoped by this age she would have decided that she wanted privacy and would want to have her own room. But no...

So it is like me and my shadow when she is here. She has gotten some better. Used to be that I couldn't even go to the bathroom without her following me. Now she will sometimes at least go into another room by herself. But not often. If she did the online schooling, I would have her with me 24/7 except for when she is in dance! She does take about 12 hours of dance per week. Depending on how many hours she is there, I either just drop her off or stay. The studio is in another city and with gas being so expensive I hate to keep going back and forth all the time. So I do get at least a few hours on my own there.

Then there is my schedule. Because of some of my medical conditons, I tend to stay up until about 3:00 a.m. I am working on that. My body clock is just such that I sleep better during the day. So I currently get her off to school then go back to bed for a few hours. If she did the online school, I could not trust her to get up and do what she needs to do. In fact her maturity level is such that I really can't trust her to do anything on her own. She has recently developed some medical problems. She does seem to take her thyroid pill each morning without my prompting. But I can not get her to take her vitamins or other pills on her own. She just does not remember.

I have read about some online schools. Some things sound good but other things do not. For instance one says they will still have to take the WASL. This is outdated information because the kids here no longer take the WASL. I can't remember what it is called. But it is a test given yearly. She has never passed it. Has never even come close! She just does not test well. She pretty much fails all tests and I am so accustomed to this that I don't even bother to get mad. I do thinks she tries hard. At least some of the time. But she is also very much a perfectionist and terrified of failing. So I also think if she thinks she doesn't know the answer, she just does nothing at all.

She is in special ed. for Enlgish and also takes an additional class instead of an elective. It is something only for special ed kids. They get additional help with their work and can sometimes do homework in there. This year they are teaching them to be better students.

When she does have homework that she has to do at home, it is horrible if I have to help her. As I said, we do not work well together. It just leads to a whole bunch of yelling and fighting. She won't listen to me and just yells at me. And that doesn't go over well. Something that should take 10 minutes can take us 3 hours to slog through. Also I went to school in the 70's and they were doing all sorts of experimental stuff with us. I never had math beyond the 9th grade. Never took history or geography. So I really can't help her do things in a lot of her classes. I am paying $40 a week for a math tutor for her. That seems to be helping.

I did talk to the tutor about this and she feels it would be waaaay too much work for her which is what I think too. Maybe good for a student who is bored in school but not for one who is struggling.

Also I would have to do things that I don't think I am willing to do. There would be field trips. I don't think they are required but they say they want the other students to get together. And because she would have to take whatever test replaced the WASL, I would have to take her somewhere to do that. That would mean getting up early and driving her somewhere. And then going back to pick her up. Over a course of probably two weeks!

They also say that the school is free but there would be books. I might have to buy those. And I would have to print off a lot of things for her. Yes, I have to print some things now. But certainly not as much as I would with this school. And my printer cartridges are not cheap.

I think she is looking at this as though it would mean less hours for school and more for dance. Now I could see it if she were a good student and a super good dancer. But she isn't! She does try hard at dance and I know she loves it but she is overweight due to some of her medical problems. She has lost almost 10 pounds in a few weeks but who knows if that will continue or if it will help her with her dance. This past year was hard because of all of her injuries. We still don't even know how the injuries occurred and she does still have nerve damage in one leg.

If I really thought this would help her, I would be all for it. But I'm not seeing it. She's a shy child. Not a self starter. She does get along with the other kids and has plenty of friends in dance. Not so many friends in school now because they take so many classes. She doesn't have lunch or many classes with the kids who were her friends. And because the kids are so busy outside of school these days she really has no interaction with them outside of school. Her whole life revolves around dance. She wants to be a dance teacher when she grows up and also either a beautician or physical therapist or massage therapist.

So does anyone have any experience with this type of school? My friend's grandson who is my daughter's age wound up in this type of school by default. He did some bad things and was kicked out of school after school after school. But he had no computer at home. His mom would drop him off at the library in the morning but he wouldn't do the schooling. He would log on and then play games. After about 2 weeks of that they told him he could no longer attend. I also worry that she would do this! She doesn't play games much really but she does love her computer. And so far any of the learning type things I have tried to get her to do on there, she has not done. Like a keyboarding course and math games.

[CW&M Mom]

I can tell you the online virtual school that my son is in...it is available in all the states I believe..but they only take kids on IEP's up to about Mid July or so...so it's too late to enroll.

K12 | Online Public School, Online High School, Online Private School, Homeschooling, and Online Courses options

They do have dual enrollment...so it might be worth calling them and seeing if they could do some stuff??? or get an idea of what you could arrange for next year.

I know for Kansas it is accredited through the state. We pay about $98 and that is it. And there is very little printing that we have to do, we were given 5 boxes of materials and that had nearly all the materials printed in them. We were also sent a laptop. The state of Kansas pays for everything else.

[JulieDB]

I can tell you the online virtual school that my son is in...it is available in all the states I believe..but they only take kids on IEP's up to about Mid July or so...so it's too late to enroll.

K12 | Online Public School, Online High School, Online Private School, Homeschooling, and Online Courses options

They do have dual enrollment...so it might be worth calling them and seeing if they could do some stuff??? or get an idea of what you could arrange for next year.

I know for Kansas it is accredited through the state. We pay about $98 and that is it. And there is very little printing that we have to do, we were given 5 boxes of materials and that had nearly all the materials printed in them. We were also sent a laptop. The state of Kansas pays for everything else.

I see. The school she is looking at is accredited through Washington and it does take IEPs. They do say they are still enrolling but don't give specifics.

Let me ask you this... Do you have to do much work? That is one of my biggest fears. That I would wind up doing a lot of work and driving around and stuff I don't want to do. I do kind of like getting her out the door in the morning because it gives me a few free hours to be on my own. I don't want to have to be correcting papers or being the one who has to help her with the work. Yes, I know I do have to do a little of this now. But for the most part I try to stay out of it.

[CW&M Mom]

I do...but Kindergarten which is what I"m doing is very different then what you may be doing. Since kindergarteners can't read they can't do most of the work on there own. It goes a lot more "virtual" as they get older. However I know that it is expected that the parents are very involved with the schooling. I can't imagine that you can really do it without any help from the parents.

If your on facebook..you ought to look to see if they have a FB page and ask directly the parents there. I know for us...it's 3 hours for work. For 1st grade up it's 6 hours of work. Once they hit 6th grade it seems to get more labor intensive.

As for the gym...if you have it written in her IEP that she doesn't take gym...that gets her out of gym. Also in her IEP it can be written so she's allowed to leave a few minutes early from class as well...so she has more then 4 minutes in between classes.

[amylynne01]

As for the gym...if you have it written in her IEP that she doesn't take gym...that gets her out of gym. Also in her IEP it can be written so she's allowed to leave a few minutes early from class as well...so she has more then 4 minutes in between classes.

While I don't disagree that students should have IEPs if needed, it doesn't sound like the daughter CAN'T do gym because of her disability, just that she doesn't like the teacher who forced her to participate. That's not an IEP issue - that's a teacher issue which OP is addressing. And why should she get to leave class early? Every student in that school has 4 mniutes to get from class to class, and every student has to go up and down. Again, her disability does not prohibit her from being in class for the full session. The daughter just doesn't like to be rushed and use the stairs.

OP, is your DD in any kind of therapy or counseling? It seems there is a bigger issue than just not liking school. Instead of fixing the school issue, I would see what's causing it. All kids go through a phase of not liking school, but I wouldn't automatically jump to online because of it. If you've tried everything under the sun and she was still unhappy, then do it. But I still think school is not the issue - there's some other emotion that she's masking by saying she doesn't like school.

[clippyclippy]

It sounds like your situation is very complex. I don't have any quick answers for you, but I do have some thoughts to contribute.
We have homeschooled for 7 years. We never did online school, so I can't comment about that specifically.

My main concern is the reasons she wants to school at home. If it were solely for the purpose of dedicating more time to dance, that would seem to be a good reason. In that case, she would have to demonstrate that she could handle the responsibility of completing her work and putting the effort into it to continue to do well in addition to focusing on dance. It seems you aren't confident that she would be willing to do that, and I think you are right to be concerned in that area.

She is heading towards high school, which is such an important time period academically. Even if she isn't considering college in the future, it's hard to determine that in 8th grade. Many things could change between now and when she graduates. You want her to be prepared in case she does go to college and not do anything to jeopardize that possibility.

It sounds like she wants to "escape" school. Maybe that isn't enough motivation though to commit to the challenge of doing it at home.

In my experience, homeschooling (which is what you'd be doing, even if it's online) cannot be done successfully without a LOT of time commitment by the parent. It's so important to stay on top of things in each and every subject. If even a few days slide by where either work isn't being completed, or the child doesn't understand, it can be hard to get back on track.

My kids are all high school and above. One daughter graduated this past year and she's in college now. She was very independent and motivated to do well. She had a goal in mind (PA/medical school) and I didn't need to do anything except provide here with the right courses/curriculum/classes.

Second daughter is in 10th grade, and school is NOT her priority. It is excruciating to get through each day, as she does not focus well and she is academically weak. If I don't check her work each day, and review those areas where she didn't do well, we fall behind and it becomes a nightmare to catch up. The possibility of not finishing a school year looms over her each year, but so far she's getting there by plugging away - tediously at times, and with me all but sitting on top of her to keep her on task.

Third child (9th grade boy) chose to go to school this year, so we put him in private school. He was not motivated to do well, and needed a spark to be ignite his butt, outside accountability. Well, he has it now...

All that to say, it would have to be a sacrifice on your part to bring her home to school, whatever means you choose to do that. It would not be easy. The boy who got dropped off at the library to do school was being set up for failure - most kids don't know how to organize or pace themselves adequately. They will take the path of least resistance and if there are computer games available, those will obviously distract them! In general, they just need a lot of guidance.

And the one comment I have about online school is that it can be incredibly boring and maybe lonely. We have always done a mix of home classes and outside classes to give the kids plenty of interaction. It might be enough for her to be involved in dance, but it may not. Are there opportunities to interact with boys? (LOL - never thought I'd say that!) Kids with other interests? I think there need to be healthy relationships of all kinds, and having only dance as a social outlet might not offer her what she needs.

Finally, if her need to be with you right now seems excessive, having her home with you all the time might not foster the independence you want to move her towards. I'm all for close family relationships, and I think it's not good and for kids to move too quickly away from family and totally to peer relationships in middle/high school, but at the same time, it's possible to be too emotionally attached to a parent.
Being close to your daughter is a wonderful gift. Carefully examine those things that don't seem healthy for her, and maybe take some steps to make it a more balanced/healthy relationship. It may take some outside help to do that.

[JulieDB]

While I don't disagree that students should have IEPs if needed, it doesn't sound like the daughter CAN'T do gym because of her disability, just that she doesn't like the teacher who forced her to participate. That's not an IEP issue - that's a teacher issue which OP is addressing. And why should she get to leave class early? Every student in that school has 4 mniutes to get from class to class, and every student has to go up and down. Again, her disability does not prohibit her from being in class for the full session. The daughter just doesn't like to be rushed and use the stairs.

OP, is your DD in any kind of therapy or counseling? It seems there is a bigger issue than just not liking school. Instead of fixing the school issue, I would see what's causing it. All kids go through a phase of not liking school, but I wouldn't automatically jump to online because of it. If you've tried everything under the sun and she was still unhappy, then do it. But I still think school is not the issue - there's some other emotion that she's masking by saying she doesn't like school.

She's not disabled. I am. She did have assorted injuries last year which I think came from gym class and even with a Drs. note saying she was not to participate in gym, the gym teacher forced her to participate. That's where my beef with her came in.

She is not in counseling and would not go. She has been to the school counselor many times and tells me that she either tells them lies or just won't talk to them. She has never liked school and refused to go when she was in Kindergarten. That's when her first visit to the counselor began. Each year it is a slightly different story of why she can't go.

When she was younger she said she needed to stay home with me so I wouldn't be lonely. Ha! I can't wait for her to go so I can have a little peace! She has always been a high needs kid.

[fungirl2727]

It sounds like you have your hands full with her. My 2 kids are 6 and 3 and just love school and being around kids.

[atcwag]

It sounds as though no one has ever pushed your daughter to achieve what she is able to achieve and to do what she needs to do whether she likes it or not. She's not pushed to sleep in her own room because she's scared, she's not pushed to do gym because she doesn't like the teacher, she's not pushed to do better in school because she doesn't like it, she doesn't see a therapist because she won't go/won't talk, etc.

She is only 13! Especially if she is an immature 13 with learning disabilities, she will need more help, guidance, supervision than you may think she does. I know plenty of 13 year olds who can not be trusted to take medication each day, do their homework without help/reminding, etc. This is what parents are for.

I am not in favor of virtual school in most cases. When, in the real world, do you not have to interact with people and learn life skills through social interaction? If your daughter wants to be a dance teacher or therapist of some sort, she's going to interact with clients/patients many times a day. She needs the social interaction to be able to have the skills necessary to do this. Even if she doesn't end up in one of these professions, she still needs the social skills to thrive in the real world.

Without knowing your daughter, I think she needs to be pushed to do things she doesn't like to do. All children need this from time to time. It sounds as though your daughter has been let to dictate what she wants and doesn't want and this has become a problem. First of all, she could benefit from counseling. She doesn't want to go? Oh well - she goes anyway. She doesn't talk when she's there? Oh well - counselors deal with this all the time and are equipped to handle these issues.

It also sounds as though she could really benefit from someone who is able/willing to help her with things she needs help with. Is there a Big Brother/Big Sister program in your community? You keep saying; "she's not this", "she's not that" and it seems as though you are pulling her down and not holding her to high standards. Maybe she needs someone who can pick her back up. I have a really hard time with your unwillingness to do what needs to be done for her to succeed. It seems like you want an easy way out of sitting her in front of a computer and expecting that she will get done everything she needs to get done. I wouldn't expect this from a 17 year old, let alone a 13 year old. Also, not willing to drive her to and from field trips that would be beneficial? WHAT?!?! "over a course of 2 weeks!" Maybe a Big Sister would be happy to do this? To me, this just sounds like a non-issue. If you have a child, and your child needs to go somewhere, you do it. I don't know a mom or a dad out there that isn't taking their kids to and from places on a daily basis - dance, soccer, tutoring, piano lessons, etc. Most parents are willing do take kids to these extracurriculars because it benefits their children and their children enjoy the activity. You don't even seem to be willing to make this "sacrifice" for the immediate and desperate benefit to your child when it has to do with her schooling and social benefit.
It just seems like your daughter is being allowed to make decisions based on what she WANTS to do and that no one is saying "this isn't appropriate!". It's not about what she WANTS, it's about what is best for her; and at this point in her life, she doesn't know what is best for her.

[amylynne01]

The problem? She *is* in special ed. She has some sort of learning disability that means it takes her brain a lot longer to process things than the average person.

She's not disabled. I am. She did have assorted injuries last year which I think came from gym class and even with a Drs. note saying she was not to participate in gym, the gym teacher forced her to participate. That's where my beef with her came in.

She is not in counseling and would not go. She has been to the school counselor many times and tells me that she either tells them lies or just won't talk to them. She has never liked school and refused to go when she was in Kindergarten. That's when her first visit to the counselor began. Each year it is a slightly different story of why she can't go.

When she was younger she said she needed to stay home with me so I wouldn't be lonely. Ha! I can't wait for her to go so I can have a little peace! She has always been a high needs kid.

You said yourself that she has some sort of learning disability, which is why I said that. If she has a problem with processing things, I still fail to see why she can't participate in gym on some level, assuming she is physically able to.

I stand by my statement of figuring out the real reason why she doesn't like school so you can better address the situation. If it's that she's never been taught a "love of learning", there's not a whole lot you can do about that, and there might be no difference between online and in-class school. If she hates her school, figure out why. What is it about school that she doesn't like?

To me, putting her in online school sounds like the easy way out. You don't force her to address her issues, whether it be low self esteem or confidence, a learning disability, etc. I really don't have a problem with online or homeschooling - I think they're great alternatives. But from your OP, there is a bigger issue.