A question for my Shy, Insecure, Socially Anxious Sisters!! How do you do it???

[Jen1]

LOL!!! That wouldn't work for me. Drinking makes me sleepy!! I doubt that I'd make a good first impression with my head on the table, leaving a puddle of drool!

[fungirl2727]

Going to doctors is what makes me nervous! I guess different things make people nervous. I am getting. A pap smear today and isn't looking forward to it. I guess I will just be happy when it is over. Going early to meet her parents sounds like a good idea. Then offer to help with food and stuff so you avoid talking to much. I really can't stand social things either. I haven't been to a baby shower in 10 yrs and been to 1 wedding in last 10 yrs.

[fungirl2727]

I would make sure you try to make point to say hi to her parents. I would also tell her and them you look forward to have her in family.

[Gertie2u]

This may sound like a strange suggestion, but maybe you can arrange to sort of be the behind-the-scenes hostess of sorts? I don't know how to explain it very well, but my one great-aunt is really panicky if she has to sit down and play games at showers and interact in that way. But she loves to be with us and share in our happy times, and she loves to cook. She just ends up the sort of behind-the-scenes hostess at all our family showers and parties. She always goes early, takes some neat food which she has made, spends the early part of the party setting everything out and bustling while we're all playing the silly games. Then she makes sure the punch is topped up and things like that during the food time. We usually have all these sorts of big gatherings at the Grange hall, and the way they have the kitchen set up, she can see the present opening from the kitchen while washing up. She's ok with meeting a person or two at a time here and there, just not crowds and things. So we all take turns taking one or two people back to meet her at a time here and there, or just take the most important one or two into her little sanctum in the kitchen. The younger kids always get tasked with helping her dry and put away. The whole thing actually ends up working out really well because she gets to avoid the crowds that spook her while being a part of the whole thing, and we all love her cooking. Maybe you can arrange some sort of compromise like that?

[Rene S]

This may sound odd, but it's helped me. Psych yourself up and tell yourself that you ARE going to have a great time! Attitude can really make a difference. Think of some conversation topics to chat about (current movies, etc.). Come early and get introduced to a few people so you can know a little about them ahead of time. I also like the idea of having a "job" to keep your mind busy, even if it's just refilling drinks.

Most of all, relax and have fun. Yes, the games are goofy, but that's part of the fun and silliness. How often do you get to wear clothespins or spin a bottle? Hee hee.

[abond0017]

I have social anxiety as well. But I have gotten better at being social over the years out of practice. DH and I have been made to attend many large gatherings over the years due to his job and position, and I'm constantly being introduced to many and sometimes fairly important people. I hated going to each and every one of the gatherings at the time, but now that I look back I see that it was good for me. Even though I still do not feel comfortable in those situations, I am much better able to deal with them when they arise and get through whatever emotions are going on under the surface. If you went to therapy for this, it's kind of the same rout of treatment the doc would suggest...you have to face your fears to overcome them...or like in my case at least be able to function with them. But you need to face them with proper preparation and tools.

The one thing that helped me the most with all of the engagements we had to attend, was to practice what I was going to say to the people I met. I got down a very easy to spit out one liner to introduce myself, and a few answers to questions I was likely to be asked. Practicing it will make you more confident that you are gonna have the right words when it comes time. It will eventually become second nature as you become more and more accustomed to it...a familiar routine, instead of a scary challenge.

It also helped me in the past to always have my DH right by my side ready to answer any question I may be stumbling on. He knew that when it was time for introductions and small chit chat, he needed to be right there, ready to help me out if needed. Although he didn't end up having to do much usually, but just knowing that extra support was there helped me and my confidence immensely.

Getting there early so you can be introduced slowly to everyone seems to be a really good idea too...good job on thinking of that one 3timesoccermom.

Just remember it is not as big of a deal as your mind makes you think it is. Even if you say or do something silly, a mob with pitchforks is not going to come and carry you away ;)

[kaedeebug]

I second the advice on practicing what to say. I get very nervous and am extremely shy so social situations are hard so I practice a few lines of intro etc. I also agree on arriving early, I hate to be center stage with all eyes on me and this way you can get alot of the introductions over before the party starts. Good luck and remember to relax and have fun!