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Tucker, 
Reply With QuoteI should add that I have a cordial relationship with stepdaughter, but we're not close. And we don't see her often.
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Stepdaughter's wedding--who pays what? DH's daughter recently got engaged (24). Her fiance has a full-time job but she is getting her master's and won't have a full time job until sometime in 2012. DH and his ex paid for her bachelor's but not the masters.
I've started talking to DH about who is expected to pay for this wedding. (She just booked an expensive hall in the area, and the hall alone will cost $10k.)
DH thinks that we should pay part of it, but I can't see how we can do that. DH took a pay cut two years ago and has had a raise since, insurance premiums have gone up, and we're still paying on new roof we had to get last year.
Her mom may offer to pay some, and/or her fiance's parents might. I don't think that DH understands that she'll be looking for _thousands_, not a few hundred bucks.
Please don't flame me, but I had to pay for my own college, my first wedding (then a divorce), and the small second ceremony I had with my DH. I don't understand how adult children "expect" their parents to pay for their weddings too, especially if money is tight and they choose an expensive venue.
I don't want to start any arguments with anyone, but am wondering what you guys think. Should we offer a small amount and call it good? Or wait for her to approach us and have an honest conversation?
Re: Stepdaughter's wedding--who pays what? If a child is expecting a parent to pay for there wedding then they have to do it with the parents budget in mind...they can't go and do whatever they want, charge whatever they want and expect the parents to pay for the entire bill.
I paid for the majority of my wedding. I knew my parents never had the means to pay for most of it. They paid for what they could, but they have always been low income so I did not plan a fancy nancy wedding.
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Re: Stepdaughter's wedding--who pays what? I agree.Originally Posted by CW&M Mom
There should be a discussion with her that if you guys are to pay for the whole thing, then X dollars is the budget (and I think a contribution from her mother should be included). Then if she still wishes to have a $10K venue and whatever else...then they have to pay the difference.
I had a very nice (quaint but nice) wedding for under $2K.
Talk it out.
Re: Stepdaughter's wedding--who pays what? While my parents paid for my wedding, we discussed how much they were able to spend so that I didn't overshoot it by a mile. We had a large wedding (110 people), and we did alot of handmade items and my mom and I worked together to make alot of the decorations and favors.
On one hand, it is her wedding, and she wants the wedding of her dreams, but on the other, if she isn't paying for it, she may have to give some on what she wants. When people heard how little we spent on the wedding for the size and the things we had, they were shocked at how much you can save by doing yourself.
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Re: Stepdaughter's wedding--who pays what? So far, she has not had any discussions with any of us (that I know of) and has just gone ahead with their plans. IMO she should have had this discussion with us *before* she signed the venue contract. I don't think it's fair for her to say, well, we decided this, now pay.
Re: Stepdaughter's wedding--who pays what? She told me her list is nearing 300!
I had about the same size wedding as you, and did a lot of things myself too (hired a friend for photos, did my own flowers), but stepdaughter's mom is so not into that. She'd rather pay someone else to do it--and if that's the case, it shouldn't be us IMO.
Re: Stepdaughter's wedding--who pays what? Maybe you could offer to pay for a few things that in general would need to be paid for regardless
You should pay for your DH tux as an example. My parents paid for my father's tux and my cousins tux who was in the line (I have no brothers). My parents paid for my wedding dress, they paid for the food (mind you I did not have a typical wedding where everyone is served dinner) we just had refreshments. Maybe you could offer to pay for whoever is officiating the wedding and pay for the costs of the license. Think of things that can't be avoided...pay for those. For the luxuries she wants..she either gets her mother to pay or she can find a way to pay for them herself.
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Re: Stepdaughter's wedding--who pays what? I am now divorced but when we got married WE took the initiative to discuss money with our parents. Yes we did assume they would help, but we did NOT assume how much they would offer.
His mom had very little money and was single, my parents have money but are frugal. So we just sat down and talked with them and they said we can afford $xxx. We planned accordingly and paid/made whatever we had to to have the wedding we wanted. My parents also paid for the rehearsal dinner and his mom hosted my shower.
I think coming up with $xxx versus saying I'll pay for certain items works better. I think it ridiculous and rude that she would reserve a very expensive hall, have a 300 person guest list and just assume without asking that the parents would pay.
If you guys feel like she is too immature to bring it up, I would go to her and say we can afford to pay $xxx. She can take that info however she wants.
