older parents

[captainQpin]

my mom is 68 and still fine mentally there and has never fallen but i have to ask how often does everyone check on "just fine" parents I check on her numours times aday (like 3)and if i cant get ahold oh her by dark (cant see in the dark) dh or myself checks on her and she dosent mind.....but another family member called me all sorts of names and said various bad things controling ect but this family member has fallin 2x that i know of and wouldnt let the "gays" (ugh i hate that word) neighbors pick him up (he "would rather die")and his kids never check on him so is it wrong or controling and so how often do you check on parents? and my mom is single and has no friends so no one will know IF she falls I am all she has my brothers are junk

lonmg rant just wondering

[CW&M Mom]

If your mother doesn't mind it, then I don't think there is any harm in it. At least you care.

[captainQpin]

i was just courious if i was being outragous kwim?

[CW&M Mom]

My sister calls our parents every day. I'm not a phone person...so it's not my thing. But my mother isn't alone either.

I don't think it's outrageous at all.

[JulieDB]

I don't call daily but several times a week. I have gotten annoyed at times when they don't answer the phone. My dad is hard of hearing. Sometimes he doesn't hear the phone. Other times he has lost the cordless phone and instead of trying to find it, he just leaves it lost and doesn't answer. They both have cell phones but never turn them on. Then sometimes they just go away for the night. They love to go to the casino. If I can't reach them for a day or two I do start to worry.

My parents are getting forgetful though. They are very stubborn and at times I think they don't think clearly. For instance when we have a bad snow storm coming, they don't see the need to stock up on food. One year they ran out of food. A neighbor with four wheel drive offered to buy them some groceries. They had her get eggs and milk and then they complained to me that they didn't have any other food to eat.

Then they get angry with me and accuse me of lying. It happened the other day when we were talking about dance. I said that my daughter's pre-pointe shoes have elastic on them and my pointe shoes never did. They both laughed at me very nastily and said I was never on pointe. When I insisted that I was and could prove it because there were pictures, my mom yelled, "Yeah and you danced at the Metropolitan Opera too!" I could have solved it by going to her computer because there was a picture of me on my Facebook but they both just laughed and told me not to. So later I sent them the picture. Then I got an apology.

It's getting hard because I am getting older too. Sometimes I forget things. I just hope I never get like that. I hope I would never laugh at people like that. But then I think... I don't do it now. And they did laugh at me when I was a child too. They can be very rude.

[angeliainwonderland]

I was adopted by my grandmother after the death of my mother (cancer) when i was 5. So my gma/mother is 86. She has 2 sons and then me and my sis that she adopted. A lil over a year ago my sis,1 of her sons and myself made an agreement that we would each make a point to call her at least every other day. We figured this way someone was in contact with her EVERY day. If on any given day we cannot reach her for an excess of 3 or more hours then we will ck with the other family members. If they have not been in contact with her then 1 of us (usually me) will go to her house to check on her. This works out great. She gets to talk with different people, she knows what is going on in our lifes and she doesn't know we have a "checking up on the old lady" system!!
I also have 1 afternoon each week that we go to garage sales and thrift stores together. This way we get to spend some time together and I know she is getting out and doing things and she has something to look forward to doing.
Remember that yes they need to be checked on but also remember that altough our lives are busy with kids and work and sports and all that daily life stuff that sometimes all they have in life is us. At that age their spouses and friends are gone, they don't work they sometimes don't have much going on, they get bored and they need us. My grandma raised 2 generations of kids. She put over 30 year into parenting. The least 1 can do is give a lil back. Our parents won't be around forever. Enjoy them while they are sill here!!!

[Macaela25]

It sounds to me like your family member is jealous that no one cares about him enough to check and is taking it out on you. You are being cautious, not controlling. Controlling is taking away people's options completely.

I am lucky that my sister lives with my parents. Mom has multiple health problems - in fact, she just had a port put in today to start her chemo. Dad has cancer as well and mild dementia. If Mom is left at home alone for any period of time, someone in the family will call to check on her.

One night a few years ago she met with a church leader for a couple hours and none of us knew where she was. By the time she returned home at 10PM no one was there - my sister, brother, and DH had spread out all over town searching for her. It's funny.....now.

[434Teresa]

I think you should check on her...as HOT as it is you really need to.