How do I stop a girlfriend from couponing?

[Jessi]

Ilbrown1618, I agree with you on his relationship choices....even though I might not agree with it....it is his choice and I am not going to pass judgement on him.

My advice on the original question. Have a serious heart to heart with her that this will ruin what you have. I can see how she works becasue as you already know, what we do is a way of life. Just like you couldn't just easily flip a switch and be different, neither can she. I used to do this for necessity, I am now financially stable but I still have that desire and drive. It kills me to pay full price for something, no coupon, no sale. But I think if she understand it will end your relationship, perhaps she will make a better effort to look away. It will still pain her even though its your money.

As for the comments on your relationship choices. This is not the place for anyone to pass judgement on that. Its not what this board is about nor what you came here for. Some people have storng feelings on this subject so I get why others got angry. However the fact is its none of our business, you and the people involved are all fully aware and have chosen to continue anyway. Thats (collectively) YOUR choices, not any of ours. You are not married, you are "dating"....this is exactly what dating is people!!! I personally have never liked the idea of dating multiple people at once, but I know thats how I personally feel, and its not the norm. So I wouldn't chose to be involved with someone who had your viewpoints, but I will not pass judgement on your life nor hers. Yes, if you were hiding it from her or married, things would be different.

[Traveling Man]

Nothing good ever comes of the things we do when our only intention is to satisfy our flesh.

I would have to be completely idiotic to spend 17 hours in airplanes if my only intention is to satisfy my flesh.

For that matter, if that were the case I would never have started this thread. We will be spending a week together and, believe me, at age 65 I am in no way capable of spending 24/7 in such a way. (Come to think of it, I don't remember being capable of that when I was 18.)

Yes, that is one of the things that I enjoy doing with her, but to enjoy a full week with a woman requires that we have many other kinds of pleasure (including, as I mentioned earlier, going to shows and enjoying good restaurants).

That is the reason for this thread. I want to be able to enjoy those other things without coupons and discounts getting in the way.

For a further confession -- there is a third woman. She, too, is in her early 40's. I always arrange my flights to the US so that I spend at least 3 or 4 days in her home city. She is a fantastic person and I enjoy every moment I spend with her.

She and I enjoy the same kinds of shows and restaurants as well as have a number of other mutual interests. I treat her like a "girlfriend" when we are together in that I buy the tickets and pay the restaurant tabs -- but our relationship is in no way sexual.

[meggers]

You misunderstood that in a big way. That was totally my bad for not explaining it better.

Anything not of the Spirit is of the flesh to a Christian. Be it our emotions, our physical desires, our worldly wants, money... The list is endless. All of it. But again, we all struggle with such & I am no exception. It was certainly not meant to pass judgement, but just to explain why I do disagree even though the women are aware of it.

I am hoping your post might cause a light to come on for some of our ladies dealing with relational issues in their own lives. We do sometimes let couponing take over our lives without realizing others are suffering for it.

However, we also have this inner desire that our men might actually take interest in it. I have been on this site for over 3 years & my fiance only knows it as the coupon place. He saves his White Castle coupons & Coke codes for me & mails them to me, but other than that, he takes very little interest in what I do.

So, there's my advice. Beat her to the punch. If you like her that much, then learn all about what interests her & get the best deal on airline tickets that you can so she can relax knowing you saved all that you could. Go to the store with her. See what she does & be a part of it & then ask her to please do the same. To have dinner with you without a single thought of what it costs. Quid pro quo, dude!

[Gertie2u]

Ok, so I know everyone has moved on from this long since, but I stumbled into this thread and....

Any chance you wanna fly another girl friend around to meet you and hang out, dude?

My thoughts initially went along the lines of I'd like to put my arm around this lovely lady and maybe shake her - lightly - and say Ooooh Honey no! This guy wants to spend money and time on you, so give him a break.

Thinking it through a little more, perhaps some sort of compromise IS in order. You say she seems to feel she is just using money wisely when she insists on using coupons to score discounts on meals. Perhaps her life has been a trifle more complicated than yours and it is a habit built on fear of not having what she needs to get by. The idea of each taking a day to sample how the other half is living seems like a good initial move, certainly. How about a different sort of compromise for some of your other time? Could you perhaps arrange for her to have one day before or after your time together to shop with her coupons alone before you arrive or after you have left? Perhaps you could arrange to do something to relax solo while she makes a small shopping trip such as stop in for a massage and just agree to spend a certain frame of time at your own pursuits during each get together.

I hope by now you've had another week together and it has gone just as awesomely as you could have hoped.

[CouponQueen23]

I can relate alot here. I am married but there is his money and there is my money. I am always falling short each month. I make the house payment and buy groceries. I hardley ever buy myself anything our kids always come first they are trust me not going with out anything. My Husband is not the savey type at all the looking for deals and such are all me. I know when he want to spend money he is looking at it as his money. His money to do ith what he pleases. Yes we are married but kind of go by mine an yours in the money department. I do not like asking for money but if he offers me money for something out of the ordinary I will accept it because it is for the family. I usally say something like I save so he can spend. I do however find pleasure in knowing I can make do with what I have. I have security in knowing I can save money on things we need and know how to be frugal. My husband works a lot so I make every effort to get all my shopping deals done so when he is home I can spend all that time with him. On the weekends he likes to order out which I really cringe at. I used to have a really hard time accepting that. He will spend $30- $40 dollars on delivered pizza and chicken wings. I would be lucky if I had that much to spend on groceries during a week. I mentioned to him that is a lot of money each month to pay for food he said he likes to have take out once a week. He likes to give me a break from cooking and I though ok. So he understands I like to look for deals and I love knowing I am getting the best possible deal so if we are in the need of something like vehical tires, dishwasher..... anything he will say hey wanna look for a deal on such and such. Gives me a chance to do the leg work, I usally choose to do this when it is not invading out time together.
Maybe give her ideas of things you plan on doing with with her when she comes to visit with you. This will give her a chance to look for savings before hand if there are none then there are none. She will not feel so under preasure while she is there. If there are fine. Accept the saving no harm done. Unless of course you have to walk clear across town to go to save on your dinner. I truly would think she if you came right out and asked he to not shop while she is visiting. I know as a couponer the thought is always there is the grass greener on the other side just like a lot of things.... Some store have different things peelie coupons and tear pads it can really be an addiction for some people. I have a hard time my self when I am in an area I know is a good one for tear pad coupon hunting I have a hard time resisting wanting to stop. You just never know what you will find else where. I would imagine she is planning her regular shopping deals for trips when she comes to see you. All I can imagine is she has some rewards she has to do something with. Some of the rewards have experation dates on them. For some one ho doesn't coupon wouldn't really understand the reasoning but we work really hard to earn these reards and have to keep them going it is time consuming and a total loss if they exprire. I did the best I could here I have 2 kiddos pulling on my arm all the while I tried to keep my concentation and say what I wanted to say. If she can't totally stop, I guess all I can say is maybe giver her a chance to do a little coupon thing is she really needs to other wise she will be terribly antsy all the while there with you and neither of you willl enjoy that. Or put it to her in coupon terms tell her you feel like she is overspending on her couponing time than she is with the time you have with her. hope you can all come to a happy medium sounds like this is the only thing that is not cool there. Oh btw does she have kids? this may be a huge factor in why she is so dedicated to being so frugal especailly if she does her couponing as a job. She may have children who she is resonsible for taking care of too and money and savings is everthing to a whole hearted couponer and Mom. :)

[Traveling Man]

It has been quite a while since I posted here but I wanted to bring you up to date -- with the sole purpose of giving any of you who might find yourself in a similar position as my (now-ex) girlfriend the benefit of our experience.

Let me begin by repeating what I have said earlier: she is both beautiful and intelligent. In addition, she is also very sweet and caring. There are many men who would count themselves as very lucky to have a girlfriend like her.

That said, our relationship proved to be impossible (although we remain online friends). I mentioned a trip to Las Vegas that I had planned to take with her. We spent a week there and it was ruined by her insistence on couponing.

The straw that broke the camel's back was a show that I wanted to see. She, too, wanted to go. She was with me when I went to buy the tickets from the concierge at the hotel. She objected to the price and said that we should buy it at the box office where we might be able to get a better price.

I objected, pointing out that this was our last night in Vegas and if we got to the box office (which opened only about an hour before the show) it might be sold out. We had already missed the show the night before because she was at a pharmacy couponing.

She broke out in tears and ran out of the hotel. I lost my temper, told her that this was the end of us as a couple, and we flew to our respective homes the next day without my even wanting to be with her at the airport.

I have been back to Las Vegas one time since then. For 3 of the 7 days that I was there, the other woman I mentioned earlier in this thread (the one I like tremendously but have a platonic relationship with) joined me. She went with me to places that I wanted to go to (of course, not always -- but the cost was never the problem) and we had a wonderful time together. I even got to see that show (and, yes, paying full price).

Anything more than a virtual relationship, on the internet, between the couponing woman and myself is out of the question as far as I am concerned.

I want to emphasize as strongly as I possibly can that the couponing woman is a wonderful person who would make many men very happy -- but if a woman tries to force this kind of mentality on someone who does not want or need it, there is no possibility that their relationship will succeed.

[MsSweetCheeks]

I do understand her wanting to save money and maybe she is on a tight budget, but if you were willing to pay for things and stated that you didn't have a problem with it, then she should have let you especially since yall had so little time together.

Long distance relationships are hard to make them work. Me and my hubby lived 3 hours apart from each other when we were dating and it was rough. We were lucky ones because we made our relationship work, but so many long distant relationships do not work.

I think the woman you were seeing needs to find someone that likes to save money so that way it shouldn't be a problem for them and you need to move on and find you someone that would be happy to spend time with you and have a good time.

I wish you the best of luck.

[clippyclippy]

Well I think you were wise to see that as a problem early on.
Couponing is like any other hobby- it can take over and become unbalanced.

It's always nice to save a few dollars, but every now and then there's a more important need in a relationship.

[Rene S]

Well I think you were wise to see that as a problem early on.
Couponing is like any other hobby- it can take over and become unbalanced.

It's always nice to save a few dollars, but every now and then there's a more important need in a relationship.

ITA, and thank you OP for the update. I'm sorry things didn't work out.

[joshmamabear]

It has been quite a while since I posted here but I wanted to bring you up to date -- with the sole purpose of giving any of you who might find yourself in a similar position as my (now-ex) girlfriend the benefit of our experience.

Let me begin by repeating what I have said earlier: she is both beautiful and intelligent. In addition, she is also very sweet and caring. There are many men who would count themselves as very lucky to have a girlfriend like her.

That said, our relationship proved to be impossible (although we remain online friends). I mentioned a trip to Las Vegas that I had planned to take with her. We spent a week there and it was ruined by her insistence on couponing.

The straw that broke the camel's back was a show that I wanted to see. She, too, wanted to go. She was with me when I went to buy the tickets from the concierge at the hotel. She objected to the price and said that we should buy it at the box office where we might be able to get a better price.

I objected, pointing out that this was our last night in Vegas and if we got to the box office (which opened only about an hour before the show) it might be sold out. We had already missed the show the night before because she was at a pharmacy couponing.

She broke out in tears and ran out of the hotel. I lost my temper, told her that this was the end of us as a couple, and we flew to our respective homes the next day without my even wanting to be with her at the airport.

I have been back to Las Vegas one time since then. For 3 of the 7 days that I was there, the other woman I mentioned earlier in this thread (the one I like tremendously but have a platonic relationship with) joined me. She went with me to places that I wanted to go to (of course, not always -- but the cost was never the problem) and we had a wonderful time together. I even got to see that show (and, yes, paying full price).

Anything more than a virtual relationship, on the internet, between the couponing woman and myself is out of the question as far as I am concerned.

I want to emphasize as strongly as I possibly can that the couponing woman is a wonderful person who would make many men very happy -- but if a woman tries to force this kind of mentality on someone who does not want or need it, there is no possibility that their relationship will succeed.

I see your point and find you a very reasonable man. If money is not a big issue (if you're 65, is it safe to assume you're retired? if not, if you have a business, you're entitled to enjoy the fruits of your labor), I understand your views and why you're incompatible with Ms lovely couponer. It is gentlemanly of you to have nice words to say about her, I'd have to give you credit for that. Unfortunately, you can't be together. She may be one of those extremely frugal person who would cringe to pay full price on anything (even if money is not an issue). I know a lot of people who would drop/cancel an activity all because they can't get a discount and money is not even an issue. DH and I avoid this.

This is an eye opener, DH and I like to spend on vacay but there are those we go to that we know we have to pay full price. It doesn't stop us from paying full price because we know what we're getting into. If we go to Vegas, we splurge on shows and activities and think hardly about saving. Its the same thing when we go on a cruise, I try to save as much by bringing cash if we have to pay more with debit/credit. While I prepare for those things, there's still a lot we have to pay for, whatever the cost. If we don't want to pay, we'd rather stay home. We work hard to enjoy life, if we can stretch our $$, great! but it will not prevent us from going where we desire to go because of the expenses.