Opinions- Niece's High School graduation

[uummm]

My niece's high school graduation is May 21st. My SIL sent me an email inviting us (not an actual graduation announcement) over for the weekend. They live 4hrs away, she has gladly volunteered my COUSIN's house since she is out of town that weekend (yes my cousin agreed but it was my SIL's idea).

MY SON graduated from HS 2 yrs ago-but I didn't send out announcements and we didn't do a party...So when I was warned ahead of time that I might get invited to my niece's I didn't think much of it. My husband on the other hand brought up the fact they didn't send anything for our kid (didn't bother sending a Christmas card this past Christmas either and I DID send them one) and my husband said they should have sent something regardless since they knew when he graduated.

I do like my niece and I am trying to keep the fact that my brother and his wife are not on my top 100 peeps I want to hang with separate from my niece because I do like her.

I just read on my niece's facebook page where she is asking for opinions on where she should go for her graduation dinner...Ruth Chris is one of the options...uumm...I don't see my brother paying for my family of 5 and I certainly don't want to shell out $250 for dinner for us! I guess when I thought of her graduation I thought that since my sister+hub and my family were invited that they would do a party of some sort not go to Ruths Chris or someplace along those lines.

We have to help my son pay for his second 2 yrs of college, a car to buy this summer for #2 (he is doing dual enrollment and will need a vehicle to get to college m+f), and a bump in insurance because of that vehicle. I thought could just sponge off my cousin (not really, I was going to bring food over to her house for her -she is not a couponer) and only have to pay for gas and maybe a one restaurant trip that was ok...But Ruth's Chris? We only took our kid to Outback!

I haven't yet replied to the email...I was going to put it off until it got closer. It isn't like she is having a huge party, SIL was already complaining to my cousin how no one can come to her daughters graduation (she is really p/o-ed my parents aren't) and since we are not staying with them I see no reason for urgency in my need to reply. Last summer she asked my cousin (NOT ME!) if she thought it would be OK for her (my cousin) to bring her son (my nephew) with her when she came over for Memorial Day weekend...never once even asking MEEEE -so I know she can do things on the fly.

[loladooder99]

Honestly if they didn't do anything for your son and they didn't come. Then you don't have to do anything for them. Just send a warm wishes card or something. If it were me I wouldn't drive 4hrs to go to a gradution party were im gonna not only shell out for gas,but also pay a massive dinner out bill. JMHO. Don't let guilt get you to make a financial decision. You have your sons college to pay for.

[434Teresa]

Sorry I would not go..4 hours one way is to much for me for this and I would not want to stay in some else home without them there(anything could happen). Since they did not send your son anything I might just send her a card and be done with it...but thats just me. There is no way I would go out to dinner at that price range either. I would tell them that due to my son being in collage and us haveing to pay out a lot to help him that we just dont have the extra cash right now....

[jen276here]

Well I think it would be tacky to invite guests to celebrate and expect those guests to pay for their own meal…. I’d probably give it a little time, see what the plan is (party/restaurant/whatever) - if it is an invite for you to pay for yourselves, I’d politely decline but still send your niece a card and gift. If they plan to be proper hosts and foot the bill of the party they are hosting, I’d attend and bring a card and gift.

[twinmommyboyz]

I agree with the above. Send a note/card to your niece with maybe some cash for college or senior trip. I wouldn't shell out all the extra expenses. I am sure your niece would rather the money anyway.

[Mama Stu]

I agree. If they are going to have a party, then I would go for your niece's sake, but if they expect everyone to pay for their own dinner, then I would stay home and send a card and a gift or money.

I can understand why they didn't send anything for your son if you didn't send out anything. I might know when someone is graduating, but probably wouldn't send a card or a gift without an announcement. That may just be me but that is how I feel.


We have had 7 kids graduate so far, and have always had a party for them, and sent out invitations, but we never wanted anyone to feel obligated. So, we never got upset when family members couldn't come. It happens. Maybe , they will feel that way too, although your SIL doesn't sound like.

Good luck with whatever you decide

[uummm]

I have no idea if they plan a party...
Here is the ONLY communication I have gotten-

Hi! How is everyone doing? I was wondering If you all would be able to come for a weekend for Em's graduation? She graduates May 21st, Saturday. Laura will be out of town for her grandfathers funeral aand said she has plenty of room for you all, of course you can stay with us!!!! if you would rather.. We would love to see you guys . I am going to ask Catherine also. Well take care, Sarah


I guess I just assumed since she was having us and my sister that she was going to do something...but if that something is Ruth's Chris (BTW my sister is a vegetarian) I don't call that a "party."

I wasn't offended that nothing was sent for my kid (The Christmas card on the other hand DIFFERENT STORY) . I mean, I didn't send out an announcement...it is my husband that feels as though they should have sent something anyway.

This is the Facebook entry I read that got me worried
Ruth Chris, Calhouns, Copper Cellar, or Wasabi's for graduation/birthday dinner? I need ideas people!

I am hoping that since it is birthday too, that that means it will be more towards her birthday which is mid June.


I have held off emailing my sister because I don't know if she has been asked and accepted yet...I don't want to tell her I am waiting to reply and put her in a awkward spot. She lives 7-8 hours away so if she doesn't come that is considered ok...

[clippyclippy]

Sounds like the relationship you care more about is with your niece.

I would politely decline the invitation for the weekend, and if necessary, simply say that finances are tight right now, and weekend trips can quickly add up. You might even mention that you anticipate the restaurant may be out of your price range. Honesty should be appreciated. If it's not, then there a likelihood that anything you do or say that might not be received well.

Then send a card with a gift to your niece. It isn't her fault that they are the way they are. She will appreciate what you do and remember your thoughtfulness.

[kschick96]

Sounds like the relationship you care more about is with your niece.

I would politely decline the invitation for the weekend, and if necessary, simply say that finances are tight right now, and weekend trips can quickly add up. You might even mention that you anticipate the restaurant may be out of your price range. Honesty should be appreciated. If it's not, then there a likelihood that anything you do or say that might not be received well.

Then send a card with a gift to your niece. It isn't her fault that they are the way they are. She will appreciate what you do and remember your thoughtfulness.

Ditto on this! If money is tight and you are not wanting to spend much-one thing I do is send a check for the amount of their graduation year-so you'd send a check for $20.11.

[Mama Stu]

Ditto on this! If money is tight and you are not wanting to spend much-one thing I do is send a check for the amount of their graduation year-so you'd send a check for $20.11.

Thats a cute idea