Grieving Hard this year

[shopaddiction666]

My mom passed away suddenly on July 12th 2010 , I am 23 years old I have two brothers 19 and 30. The holidays are coming very fast and the thought of her gone is coming more and more real . I work in a hospital so I will most likely be working and my younger brother will be alone this year .
I am getting very scared of how much worse I can actually feel . The day she passed some people told me it gets easier some told me it does not. I am realizing it does not get any better. I miss her so much , My mom was my best friend and still is . I still talk to her everyday.
The rest of my family is Muslim just me and my brothers are catholic and I hate to see him alone.
I go to therapy weekly , and she recommends grief counseling , i have tried it and it seemed to everyone in the later ages in life 90+.
I know all parents want to die before there kids but I truthfully NEVER EVER thought she would go before me . My momma was only 47 years old very healthy and not over weight did not smoke or drink, but died of a massive heart attack.
I miss her so much 3 and a half months later its still very hard.
Since her passing ive lost my dear cat, My 29 year old cousin from cancer, a friend from suicide, a dear co worker from a drunk driver. 2010 is just not my year even though I just want it over that means the holidays have to come for it to happen.
Does anyone else have any suggestions to what we should do ?
I am hurt, lost , sorry and confused.

Please give us some ideas
I know I cant have my family back for how much praying I do ( but I have to make it )

I got a tattoo in the memory of my momma. Nothing that would express her death date but her favorite poem, also the day in the hospital the priest walked in and handed it to me , I kept it in my momma's hand .

FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND.

[moxi]

I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom and of course the other people that passed this year. I don't have any miraculous suggestions that will make that dreaded pain go away. It hurts and personally, I think it hurts for a long time, but time does "dull" the sharp edges of the pain. One thing I did find helpful for the holidays(especially for the first year of grief). Do something other than your normal tradition. The first year, instead of having a big dinner for Christmas, we all went out to eat. I don't know exactly why, but changing some of the "normal" routine of the holidays, helped tremendously. I feel for you, I wish I had better advice. It is just something you have to get through. Not to sound "cliche" but "One day at a time"....sometimes (for me) it comes down to "one hour at a time". I alway know, I have the strength to make it through to another hour, and so on. I hope you find peace.

[moxi]

Bumping for support.

[tacatcon]

Hugs honey. This has been a rough year. I think one thing that might help you (I don't know if it will or not) is consider doing some volunteer work this holiday season. Sometimes getting outside our own problems and grief and putting a smile on other's faces can really help. there are so many opportunities. I'm sure even in the hospital where you work. And get your younger brother involved. Have him come spend part of the day with you on Christmas at the hospital if you can and maybe he can do some volunteering that day then the two of you can share a meal later.

Your mom wouldn't want you to be suffering and she'd want you to do whatever you can to have a great holiday. So in her memory, make it one! You know she's got her eye on you!

[Mothernature]

{{hugs}}

I think you should be with your brother if at all possible during the holidays. Considering the facts presented in your post, working in a hospital on Christmas may be too much.

[derketchup]

Maybe ask for donations in memory of your mom for heart disease awareness instead of Christmas/Eid gifts: American Heart/American Stroke Association:

[rbunnymom]

Today is the 19th anniversary of my mom's death. I still grieve the loss but is different. So in some ways it does get less painful. Today I will go to a special place we went often when she she would visit me and her grandkids. I will write a letter to her and attach it to a helium balloon telling her how much I love her and miss her. I will cry, actually I am crying now for you and my loss. It does hurt. I know my mom is here with me in spirit. Just as yours is with you. Do something different and special for the holidays. It will help. The suggestions here are good ones.

Hugs

[brokenangel]

my heart goes out to you. Not sure what else to say.

sorry I don't have any suggestion for you. The people before me have great advice.

[shopaddiction666]

Thank you so much for the advice and maybe my brother doing volunteer work at the hospital will help at least we can be togethor and ill be able to see him and we can be our support team. I have always had full control of my life and now I realize I have no control over anything ever. He is my younger brother but he definitely helps me so much sometimes it really bothers me because he has not yet cried or showed any emotion . I don't want him to hide it because of me .
When I went to church tonight her name was up on the wall for members who passed this year. That totally through me back in my grieving stages.
Everyone thank you so much for all the advice. God Bless you all

[Lori63]

My mom passed away 18 years ago last Sunday. I was 29 with two little ones. It does get easier but it is always a loss.
You're in my thoughts and prayers.