Wow...how far down your mouth can you get that foot?? (The MAN, that was a dumb comment! thread).

[aimeebee]

When asked why she would make a good employee, she attempted to say that she was punctual...

But instead said she was promiscuous.

Poor girl. That is pretty funny, though.

[XUfan]

Background...I'm 52 and on my second marriage. My kids are in their early 30's, and I have 2 grandchildren. My husband is 49 and has one daughter, who is 14.

One day, I was standing outside, talking to my son when he was picking up his kids (my grandkids). A van pulled up with a woman and a pre-teen boy in it. The boy asked if my stepdaugther lived here. I told him yes, and he asked if she was home. (he had gone to her school the year before, moved out of town, and was back here visiting for a few days). I went in and got her. When she came outside, she told him she needed to say goodbye to her neice and nephew before they left. So...he says to his mom, "I wish I had a neice and nephew!" She replied, "Do you know how OLD I'd have to be for you to be an uncle??" Then...she looked at her watch, and said they'd have to come back another time. They were running late for "mumble mumble mumble"!

[Smee]

The first time I met a cop acquaintance who was off duty and in street clothes in a casual setting became an awkward encounter when I loudly exclaimed in front of his wife and kid, "Oh, hi! I almost didn't recognize you with your clothes on!"

I can't count how many times I've said to a client without thinking, "just a bath and a blow job today?" I groom dogs and blow job = blow out = blow dry and fluff. It requires a deliberate effort to remember to use more professional and less open to interpretation terms. Not that anyone (I hope) thinks anything creepy is going on. It's just caused a few giggles and some awkward silence.

I have so many moments like that due to a faulty social filter that I hardly even get embarrassed anymore.

[jen276here]

This is a shame on me moment:

Somehow some girl and guy friends and I got on the topic of jeans one day and how they wear out too easy- especially the pockets of the guys' because of their wallets. Well me being the stoop, wanting to add my tidbit, says 'Well mine keeping wearing out in the knees because I'm on them so much!' Yeah, the guys loved that one….

[taylordvd]

I live in Amish Country, PA and was at my sister-in-law's wedding shower and then bachelorette party in Washington, DC. These two comments are still making me laugh.

"So, do you have amish quilts all over your house?"

"Wow, you look really good for having had two kids!"

They both thought they were making great conversation.

[hellokittygirl]

This summer I worked as a camp counselor and during the day all the counselors would take turns sitting at the front desk and answering phones, typing documents, etc. Well one day it was me and another counselor, and Director was there as well, going over some office work stuff with us.
Background: The director's Assistant is notorious for being the "parking police" and she gets really angry when people park in the reserved spots outside, and frankly she goes overboard sometimes and likes to call the towing people if she sees a "new car", even though there are plenty of empty spots open.

So the phone rings and the other counselor picks it up, and of course it's Assistant calling about an unauthorized car in the parking lot, and she asks us to go check it out. Somebody else runs outside to the parking lot to get the license number, and meanwhile Director starts making some funny comments about Assistant, talking about how intense she is and how she's going crazy about the stupid reserved spots, and how she needs to just chill. We were all laughing together... and then we hear a "hello?" on the phone... and we realize that the phone was never hung up. She heard the whole thing! We had been going on about it for a good 30 seconds. Thankfully I didn't say anything or make any comments, I was just a bystander, but I was really embarrassed for the other two. Definitely foot in mouth.

EDIT- here's another one. It doesn't really involve words, but you can see how it turned out "foot in mouth"...
My brother and I like to be goofy sometimes and when you put the two of us together, we love to joke around. One day we were in Walgreens (on a couponing trip, actually), there was hardly anyone else in the store, and he saw one of those walking canes for sale over by the pharmacy, and pretended to be Dr. House. He was walking with a limp and making Dr. House comments and I was laughing so hard because he was so good with his imitation... and then an elderly man with a cane walked down our aisle, coincidentally. My brother immediately put the cane away and we both high-tailed it out of there. It was kinda one of those you-had-to-be-there moments. I'll never forget the look on my brother's face when he noticed the older man!