Trying to not sound racist, need help.

[BigDog]

So, my hubby signed up to coach a 1st/2nd grade baseball team. It is through Upward (Baptist sports thing, although were not Baptist).

Anyways, and this is his first time working with little kids other then ours without my help.

Well, this little boy keeps coming up to my hubby and saying the same thing over and over, every practice.

He says, "Did you notice I'm the only black boy on the team? It was like this last year and the year before."

My hubby says, "oh, really". Then he told me he goes on and on and on about it. It is clear this little boy is bright and can tell it makes my hubby uncomfortable, for whatever reason.

I told my hubby to just say, next time, "Well, that makes you special doesn't it?" (I would have said the same if they told me he had a blue shirt on and nobody else does. He is just a kid, they want to know they are special, we all do.)

Well, my hubby is afraid that will hurt his feelings. Making him think is special ONLY because he is dark skinned.

Then I said, just say next time, "Well just wait till the end of the year when the rest of us get a good tan, then you won't be alone." He laughed and said, "uh, no".


Then I told him just give him the "scientific version". He is an engineer(logical thinkers), and he thought that sounded more appropriate. I can just see him giving this kid a book and talking about melanin in the middle of the field.

Then he finally agreed to my last answer, until something better comes along. Next time he says it, get down on his level, and tell him "Maybe next year will be different, until then, maybe we could just concentrate on playing our personal best no matter what color our teamates are."


Does the last answer sound racist?
Any better answers?

I come from East TN, and quite frankly, we had (when growing up), .05 of the population african american. And to tell you the truth that always confused me as a kid, one of my friends was from Africa and she was white.

[selah]

Kids notice difference very quickly and sometimes adults try to get them not to notice those differences, but lets face it...we are ALL different. I remember when I went on a mission trip one time to the Philippines...we visited an orphanage...well the Phillippino people are very small and these kids were facinated by me being bigger with freckles....so they would sit in my lap and just rub my skin...and ask me why is your skin like this...I thought it was funny, but I didn't try to get them to not notice my skin.

Maybe your dh should just point out to the little boy that yeh, you're right and I'm the only person on the team..................and then name something which is different from the other kids....such as yeh, and I'm the only person on the team who is married....or I'm the only person on the team who has a tatto....just try to let the little boy know that we are all different, not just him...

[BigDog]

Kids notice difference very quickly and sometimes adults try to get them not to notice those differences, but lets face it...we are ALL different. I remember when I went on a mission trip one time to the Philippines...we visited an orphanage...well the Phillippino people are very small and these kids were facinated by me being bigger with freckles....so they would sit in my lap and just rub my skin...and ask me why is your skin like this...I thought it was funny, but I didn't try to get them to not notice my skin.

Maybe your dh should just point out to the little boy that yeh, you're right and I'm the only person on the team..................and then name something which is different from the other kids....such as yeh, and I'm the only person on the team who is married....or I'm the only person on the team who has a tatto....just try to let the little boy know that we are all different, not just him...

Very true they do notice differences quickly.

My 5 yo told me that she has two brown kids in her class. Being a little a little distracted I say "Oh are they family or do they just have the same last name?"

She gets irritated (drama queen), and says "No mama, they are brown, and I'm....what color am I? I put the white crayon on my hand and it didn't match, I put the pink crayon on my hand, it didn't match. (Then a whole string of other colors). But, they put the brown crayon on their hand, and it camouflaged them (word of the week was camoflage)."


Then she precedes to tell me I need to talk to her teacher about colors. That was after I told her sometimes we refer to them as black. She told me if I can remember my colors I could get in the treasure box and get a prize.

[wealthybarney]

Your answer sounds perfectly fine.
If you know a Bi-Racial couple on here with a child, that may be a good source of ideas as well.

[BigDog]

Your answer sounds perfectly fine.
If you know a Bi-Racial couple on here with a child, that may be a good source of ideas as well.

Ha, ha, didn't think of that.

My friends from high school. 1 (white), 1 (black) got married and had kids.
My cousin and hubby. Were childless and adopted 2 mixed children, and 1 black child. And they are SOOOOO cute.

My hubby is just afraid he will offend the parents of the child. He is worried they will get the same info we get from our kids '1/2 truths'. You know they leave out certain points of the story. Like my dd told me the other day her teacher "screamed" at her. Literally she said 'screamed'. Now her teacher I don't think would scream on a rollar coaster that went off track. I asked the teacher, she said she told my dd to use her inside voice. I figured this much.

[justagirlnamedStormy]

I would probably say something along the lines of skin color isn't important. We are all the same inside. Or something similar to that.

Or ask the kid if maybe he has any friends like him that would like to join the team next year?

Does your hubby see the kids parents? Maybe he could pull one of them aside and ask them how they would like it to be handled.

[3timesoccermom]

If it were me, and I'd already tried several tactics I'd just smile and say nothing then get busy with practice.

[naless]

I would try to figure out why this is a point the child is restating to the coach. Are other teammates making this statement to the kid? There has to be a reason why he is saying it. Sometimes being straight forward with kids is the best and easiest approach. Ask the kid why he keeps telling the coach this and what does he want done about? Maybe something maybe nothing but you don't know until you ask.

I would mention it to the parents so that they know that the child is making a point of it and I would also try to find some other kids to make the team more diverse.

It's not easy always being the only race different kid. And it not the same as having on the blue shirt. That seems to me to belittle the child equating his being race different with an article of clothing.

Also I don't think the kid needs a lesson on why he is brown but why he is the only brown person on the team.

just a few quick thoughts

[Smee]

Any way to talk to the parents to find out if it's something he talks about at home and see if they have suggestions that might make him more comfortable? I imagine it's pretty normal for anyone to feel uncomfortable as a loner in a group of people you perceive as unlike you. It's hard (on a message board) to know if he's just making an observation or if it's a concern or complaint, and I think that matters in how to deal with it. If it's just an observation, "why, yes, you are," smile and move on. If he's uncomfortable or upset, parental input may be valuable.