If things weren't already bad....

[couponfairy1969]

now they are worse.

A couple of weeks ago i had my teacher evaluation. I'll give a little backgraound first. This year has not been good to me. At the beginning of the school year I lost my insurance, began going through menopause, my meds are not functioning at their potential, so i've been a little moody to say the least. My principal knew all the things I was going through.
Back to my evaluation, most of the things I was not surprised to hear, I'm not teaching up to my potential-I know that... I am giving everything I have this year. On a daily basis I have been making efforts to improve the things I need to.
You know the fake it until you make it proverb. Can anyone ever say they have always had a spot on year. She was going over my evalution with me, by the time we got to the second page I was in tears, and I still haven't stop crying since. Of all the words in the English language it destroyed me to see that she had written the words -"she is condecending to students and staff". I don't think i've ever been described as condescending in my life. I feel like my soul has been ripped out of my body. Everytime I go near the teacher's lounge I start bawling. I haven't been in the lounge since the evaluation review. At lunch I sit in my room and cry-I just can't make them stop. Yesterday, at morning assembly they started again and I had to leave the room to get myself composed.
I can fake happy, I can't fake bubbly, which is what she wants to see again. Not when, everytime I'm in the room with my collegues the tears start rolling. I've been advised not to discuss this with anyone at work, but they all want to know what's wrong. This makes me appear stand-off-ish. Now we have the Christmas Party, and i don't really care to go, but if I don't well we all know what it would look like. My Dh doesn't want to go-My DD is pissed at them all, because they have made me cry so much that my eyes are red and puffy.
As if I wasn't already fighting depression, now I have to fight it even harder.
Teaching is all I have ever wanted to do, this has hurt me right down to my soul.
Thanks for being a good listener.
couponfairy1969

[lamezquita0308]

Sending Hugs and Prayers your way!!!

[Queenkim98]

{{{{Hugs}}}}

Kim

[Annye]

First, a big hug! It's hard enough to hear those things but, when you have a chemical imballance in your brain, which is what depression's physical symptom is, things can seem unbearable. I was diagnosed with depression myself 4 years ago and I know all to well the way the brain can cycle over the same thoughts until you become incapable of doing anything but sitting in a corner and sobbing. And those without the disease just don't get it, no matter how hard they try, because they can get out of these cycles themselves.
Start with talking to your DH about exactly what is happening in your brain. Explain you aren't looking for answers from him, just help getting out of this bad cycle. It sometimes works.
Does your doctor tell you to double your meds when they aren't strong enough? Mine does and usually a couple days is enough to snap the downward spiral. And if that doesn't help, get him/her to change your meds right away - it may take 4 or 5 different ones to get a type of inhibitor that works with your brain chemistry.
Pick one fellow teacher at school, someone who knows what you are like in the classroom, and take them into your confidence. If possible, have them observe you working with the kids and then give you positive feedback, ways you can improve in less insulting words that "condesending" which, IMHO, was a bad idea for your principal to write down. Suppose you weren't the type of person you are but instead, a sue-crazy, knee-jerk reacting person? You have a clear case for libel if they can't back up the remark.
But getting angry isn't going to snap the cycle. Talking with compassionate ears will - I assume you've told your therapist? Yes, it's tough with no insurance - I've been paying OOP for mine and I know what the pills and dr. visits can cost. But, it's a god send when it finally all starts working. As my DH put it, he got his wife back :)

In peace and with hugs,

Annye

[artsykindofmom]

teacher evaluation.They are just words ..............I am sure you have a good heart and did something for a student that will never forget dont try to hard and dont beat yourself up you know you are a good teacher .You cant please everyone............Keep doing what you love you are makeing a difference in someones life............I had a teacher that was the greatest for my son she broke the walls down for him to learn when no other teacher could.You did alot to get where you are so be proud of what you do there will allways be someone that dont like the way you are doing things but if it helps someone to learn I think its the greatest thing.Hugs and hold your head high .You did alot to be a teacher and to be where you are .

[wookin]

I am suggesting a LOA. Your brain is an organ, just as your heart or kidneys. If your heart or kidneys got sick you would take time off for them to heal. Your brain needs the same consideration. Rest is what you need for depression and you can't get that working every day and doing to day to day stuff required of you. It's hard enough on your body just going through menapause, add depression to that and I imagine you feel like crawling out of your skin. I feel for you and hope things turn around for you soon. Take care.

[Delmajesty]

Big hugs

[summermay]

[mommyto3angels]

I'm sorry! I will pray for you. Thank you for teaching, I respect you; it is one profession I could never do, and I just love children just do not have the gift.
Please don't let it get to you so much.
Sending you big hug!

[434Teresa]

sorry to here this..I have very low spots also from time to time and dont feel like doing anything so I understand how hard it is to keep going. I hope you feel better soon and get to the place you were onice before again..