Weight issues in young children - need advice

[Cynthiabutterfly]

I wanted to get some advice from mothers who have dealt with weight issues, either themselves or with their children.

I have 2 boys, and this was not supposed to happen. Boys are supposed to be 'easy', right??

My 6yo DS tells me this morning that he does not want to wear his jacket (it's a puffy jacket) because it makes him fat. Not that he looks fat, but that he IS fat. DH and I had to fight with him just to zip it.

I asked him who told him he was fat, and he just yelled that it was the jacket that made him fat. I told him that it was cold and that he had to wear the jacket, and he told me that he wasn't going to wear it at recess. It was 45 degrees this morning, and he is so so skinny (so was I when I was a little girl but puberty changed that).

When I went to drop him off, I looked him in the eye and told him I loved him whether he was fat or not, and gave him a hug.

Now I'm starting to worry about him because I've seen Oprah and other things on TV with little girls (6-9yo) eating qtips and hair to not eat so they stay skinny. DS is such a picky eater (so was I) and it's really hard to get him to eat, some days he literally eats a bite or two the whole day, then other days he'll eat lots but only junkfood like candy and cookies or sweets.

I see a lot of myself in him, but I've never had an eating disorder, I'm not even an emotional eater. I'm a few pounds heavier than I'd like to be, but I have NEVER said anything in front of the kids, and I don't stand in front of the mirror and complain or poke (but DH does) so I wonder if he is picking up on it from DH who has a belly.

What do I do? What do I say? I'm so sad for my poor little baby who is in Kindergarten this year and was never in daycare or preschool and is obviously very affected by peer pressure in other ways.

[Mitchell]

If he doesn't actually have a weight problem (you said he is thin, right?), then I'd just explain that sometimes kids say things that aren't true because they are mad/mean/cranky or whatever and that he needs to tell the teacher if anyone is picking on him. If he doesn't believe you, ask if they ever call anyone stupid (or whatever) that isn't really to show him how what other kids say isn't necessarily the truth.

I would definitely not put too much emphasis on the "weight" part of it and more on the name-calling social aspect so he doesn't get it in his head that he'll get extra attention for obsessing about his weight. I'd honestly, just approach it with a hug and tell him you love him just the way he is, which is perfect and healthy and you know for certain that he is the right weight because the pediatrician told you so and she/he knows far more than silly name calling children.

I would probably reduce the use of the term "fat" overall - we try not to use it here because it has such negative connotations. If it continues I would certainly approach the teacher and decide how to handle the matter.

[tacatcon]

Here's my take

First off you need to find out if someone was teasing him because of the jacket. Is it just the jacket that's his issue or is he saying he thinks he's fat at other times. If it's just the jacket, maybe he just doesn't like it and doesn't want to say i really hate this jacket?? but if someone was teasing him about it, and saying he's fat, that could definitely hurt his feelings and start to lay an unhealthy foundation.

My son refused to wear those puffy jackets too but he was always a little chubby until recently. So I can see where some kids might not want to wear them. We are such a weight conscious society.

But just try to get to the real root of what it is that's bothering him and hopefully it's just a minor thing and not a real issue.

If not, i'd also talk to the pediatrician.

[Cynthiabutterfly]

He wore the same jacket over the weekend with no problem- he even went and got it to wear in the house because he was cold (I told him to go put on a sweater and he got the jacket instead) so I don't think it's the jacket.

I'm just concerned that if he is worrying about being fat that it could develop into a more serious issue if I don't nip it in the bud.

He has been teased about other things (like his snacks) and told me right away that someone told him he was a baby for eating yogurt. So we had the discussion that sometimes kids say mean things, because they are jealous, or to make themselves feel better- and he kept eating the yogurt at home, but won't eat it when he takes it to school.

This time, he wouldn't say that someone told him he was fat, or the jacket made him look fat. He is usually pretty open and tells me about things at school, but not this time, so I don't know if it is something that someone told him, or if he's just 'picking it up' somewhere without someone telling him directly.

[meems]

Are you sure it isn't just the jacket? I avoid wearing jackets at all costs, always wear the min of layers that I can get by with (run in & out of the car/house fast) because I feel so ..I don't know..confined? And puffy marchmallow feeling ones..nuh uh, can't do it! My oldest was the same way.