Confused Need Help

[QponClippinQueen]

I need some advice/help/guidance...

Here is some backround so you can understand. I was married for 7 years to DS6 father. It was a bad relationship and we decided to end it. We are "friends" so to speak right now. I met DF 2 months after I left ExDH. We casually dated for like a month and then we clicked so well we started staying at each others houses and being together all the time. We like every couple have had some ups and downs. We officially moved in with each other (I went through a rough spot my company at the time went out of business and he did this more to help me then anything) in June of 08.

Ok so since we have been together he has always made references to me like a woman's place is to take care of her man (cook, clean, things like that) and that a man's place is to provide. Anyway he completely hates if I raise my voice at him in the slightest. He blows up very easily over little things. He and I are both bi-polar the only difference is I have more control than he does. He has serious anger issues and yes he does admit to it.

When we fight he says the most horrible mean things to me and then never apologize's he only says if you didn't make me so mad I wouldn't say them or that it was some how my fault for him saying the stuff. He has grabbed me a few times but never hit me. He throws things at me (never hit me) and always does something to try and break something of mine.

He is very selfish and acts very uncaring (even to his family not just me). We currently live with is family and I know they are the cause for some of our problems but not all. He is always just plain mean. Now I am no angel and I know this I know I do start fights (never intentionally) but he takes them to far. It could start off as something so silly but he will blow it up to the biggest fight ever.

Now when things are great they are great. He is very loving and affectionate and that is kinda where it ends. He has never "bought" me anything. I am not materialistic but I think in a relationship that something as simple as a hey I know this is your favorite candy bar and I grabbed ya one when I was at the store is a sweet gesture (I do these things for him) but he never does that. He has bought me flowers 2 times in the whole relationship and each time is cause he was trying to blind me to what he was really doing. He was "talking" to a girl at work (I caught him) and the second time he was "talking" to his ex (again I caught him). He says nothing ever happened with either they just talked. Now if this is true I don't know I want to believe it is.

It seems when things get really bad he turns to someone else (whether its emotionally or physically) I don't know.

Anyway things have been bad for a few weeks. I am not one to give up so easily but I am emotionally tired. I'm tired of being put down tired of being treated so poorly depending on his mood. I love him so much no matter how mad I am but I just can't take it. I don't know what to do.

So aside from my having to choose whether to stay or go, I also have to figure this all out. I need some advice, guidance, and anything else you think can help.

Here is the financial part of it (I know finances aren't a reason to stay in a relationship)

After taxes, insurance and other things taken out of my check I take home $1600 a month.My current bills are

$300 (car and insurance)
130 (cell phone) I can cut this back

That is it. I found a place (not the best at all and not the greatest neighborhood but doable)

The price is $720 a month for a 2/2 (very very good for the Miami area)
water is included. I would have to pay electric which could be $100+ a month.

I have NOTHING... No furniture at all. I have mine and DS clothes and toys. A few dishes that are *mine* and my computer. That is it.

I'm scared we have no beds nothing. I sold it all when we moved in together never thinking about the possibility of ever moving out again.

All the money I have right now is $820 (btw the apt only wants first month to move in no deposit nothing). So "technically" I can have this place today

What do I do?? Where do I start?? How will I survive?? Can I afford it??

Thanks for reading all this. I'm very very scared and I don't scare easily...:sad:

[RosieG]

Run from this relationship as fast as you can and don't look back. You have laid out all the reasons yourself.

[shelleyf]

I don't have much advice but I am praying for you. You are in an abusive situation and I am glad you are seeking to get out. You deserve better than what he can give you. My sister went through the same thing years ago and she finally got hit so I pray you get out now. 720 is a lot of money to come out of your income. Do you get child support for your son from you exdh? If not then you need to seek it. Also you might qualify for food stamps and medical but I am not sure on that one. I don't think you have the money to move out yet. Can a relative help you out with this? You might be able to live with one of your relatives for a temporary stay until you get on your feet. Can you get rid of your car payment and buy a cheaper car for cash? You can get your cell phone down to about 70.00 or less probably. 130 is a lot for one phone. I am sorry for you going through this but it will get better. Keep your head up and remember all things are possible for the good. Please keep us posted. Everyone here cares about what happens to you. This is a great group of friends here.

[floridafinn]

pm me. I am notsure I can write this but I am florida finn under couponmom, that will explain my scenario as well. I feel for you I hd to run, but if you are like me you still have feelings for the Bum and financially it is an issue.... Plan and think before you do anything
brighter days are ahead

[QponClippinQueen]

I will get my cell down to about $70. I can't stay with family I have none here (and I mean none). My Ex-dh doesn't pay support becuase we have equal time with him. If I seek support it will go into a long battle that I won't win. We were ordered to have shared parenting time which means 50/50 and neither of us can collect child support.

I can't get rid of the car. It's a long story but it's in the divorce agreement and I have to pay that $200 (the other $100 is insurance the cheapest) until the $10k is paid off. That is the only bill I walked away from the marriage with.

[shelleyf]

Whatever you do, do not tell him you are trying to leave him. Watch what you say so you don't accidentally tell him. He could get very ugly if he knows what you are trying to do. Also I hope he doesn't have access to your computer. I would be very nice to him so he doesn't suspect you are trying to get out. I know you don't want to kiss up but in your situation it is the best way to avoid a problem. My sister did it and then one night he accidentally gave her cash and she left immediately. She has been divorced from him for over 6 years now.

[QponClippinQueen]

He knows.. Sorta. When we got into the huge fight on Saturday I packed my bags. They are pretty much all packed right now. He told me yesterday to unpack my things. I told him no.. He was very sweet and I said here we go again. Well guess what he started another stupid fight last night. We went to dinner and when we were coming home I took the house keys out of my purse and the key was very bent. I asked him how it got bent and he started with the don't accuse me of it you did it not me. I told him no one is accusing you he said you just did. Anyway long story short I went to sleep and didn't say another word to him.

He does know i'm leaving and I'm not sure he believe's I'll do it. Plenty of times I have told him I was leaving but he has always talked me into staying and I don't go. He knows I have no family here and no where to go so his thinking is she'll stick around. He never gives me money so hoping that will happen is out of the question.

[QponClippinQueen]

I wanted to add one more thing. If I stay past this coming weekend I will have to give him $400 (my part of the bills). So I will no longer have the $ I have now.. I will get paid again on the 20th but I have to pay the car and insurance. So I will have $500 then..

On more thing.. We have a joint insurance plan (we rotate paying each month) He is due to pay this month on the 13th and I am due in Dec on the 13th. But if we split I'm guessing we will have to get seperate coverage cause he is not going to pay and then he'll get his own policy so a down payment is another thing I have to think of. I think...

[QponClippinQueen]

Ok I've been thinking of the financials and here is what I got please tell me if you see I'm forgetting something..

Now 820
- 720 rent
====
100
-40 gas (overestimating to be safe)
====
60 (this is for odds and ends food whatnot)
+ 870 paycheck
=====
930
-204 (phone I owe for new phone I got)
======
726
-150 balance of past bill
====
576
-80 gas (for 2 weeks overestimating)
====
496
-70 (food again overestimating)
======
426
800 Pay (adjustment of hours brings it to this)
=====
1225
-504 rent (was told 2nd month would be prorated) guestimate
=====
721
-200 car payment
====
621
-80 gas
====
541
-50 food
=====
491 as of 12/4
+800 paycheck 12/18
====
1291
-100 electric
====
1191
-100 ins (might be more for downpayment)
======
1091
130 phone (will be lower once i change plan)
===
961
-80 (guessing for 2 weeks)
====
881
+800 1/1
====
1681
-720 rent
===
961
-100 elec
===
861
-130 phone (again assuming i stay the same)
===
731
-80 9(2 weeks)
===
651
-200 car
===
451
-100 ins
===
351
-50 food
===
301
-80 gas (2 weeks)
===
271
+800 1/15
===
1071 (nothing major to pay pd it all with first months check)
-160 (gas full month)
===
911
-75 food
===
836
+800 1/29 check
===
1636
-1500 (total months expenses incl food hba, gas every single detail above)
===
136
+800 2/12
===
936 (all bills pd for feb see above)
+800 2/26
===
1736
-1500 (all march bills)
===
236
+800 3/12 (all march pd already)
===
1036
+800 (see above all pd)
===
1836
-1500 (all april bills pd from this check)
===
336 So this is what I will have at the beginning of April (all april bills pd to date here)

Wow I'ts tight but I think I can do it. What do you guys think?

[shelleyf]

Originally Posted by QponClippinQueen Ok I've been thinking of the financials and here is what I got please tell me if you see I'm forgetting something.. Now 820 - 720 rent ==== 100 -40 gas (overestimating to be safe) ==== 60 (this is for odds and ends food whatnot) + 870 paycheck ===== 930 -204 (phone I owe for new phone I got) ====== 726 -150 balance of past bill ==== 576 -80 gas (for 2 weeks overestimating) ==== 496 -70 (food again overestimating) ====== 426 800 Pay (adjustment of hours brings it to this) ===== 1225 -504 rent (was told 2nd month would be prorated) guestimate ===== 721 -200 car payment ==== 621 This should be 521 -80 gas ==== 541 -50 food ===== 491 as of 12/4 +800 paycheck 12/18 ==== 1291 -100 electric ==== 1191 -100 ins (might be more for downpayment) ====== 1091 130 phone (will be lower once i change plan) === 961 -80 (guessing for 2 weeks) ==== 881 +800 1/1 ==== 1681 -720 rent === 961 -100 elec === 861 -130 phone (again assuming i stay the same) === 731 -80 9(2 weeks) === 651 -200 car === 451 -100 ins === 351 -50 food === 301 -80 gas (2 weeks) === 271 +800 1/15 === 1071 (nothing major to pay pd it all with first months check) -160 (gas full month) === 911 -75 food === 836 +800 1/29 check === 1636 -1500 (total months expenses incl food hba, gas every single detail above) === 136 +800 2/12 === 936 (all bills pd for feb see above) +800 2/26 === 1736 -1500 (all march bills) === 236 +800 3/12 (all march pd already) === 1036 +800 (see above all pd) === 1836 -1500 (all april bills pd from this check) === 336 So this is what I will have at the beginning of April (all april bills pd to date here) Wow I'ts tight but I think I can do it. What do you guys think?

I found a math error of 100 so it will be only 236. Is there any way you can do ebaying or craigslist for extra money?