I would recommend using a children's book to explain things. I would tell her that grandma was very sick and that she died. Then add whatever religious/spiritual message you are raising your child with. Then I would read a book and let her ask questions. I would focus on all the positive things about grandma and how she will always be with you in your hearts. I think it is imprtant to just be honest and compassionate. She is little, and death is not an easy concept to understand.
I like this book (we have other books in this series):
Marc and Laurie Krasny Brown's
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death
Children's book review by
Steve Barancik
Ages 4-8
As part of their Dino Life Guides for Families, husband-wife team Marc Brown (of the
Arthur books) and Laurie Krasny Brown have written a true A to Z guide on the subject of death for the picture book set.
Not a story book, think of this book as covering anything and everything your young child might want to know about death and dying, and doing so with great sensitivity.
This is the book to have around
before you need it; when death happens, you might not be at your best for your kids.
When Dinosaurs Die is the book that can help you make sure you're giving your kids what they need - understanding, context, comfort - at a difficult time.
Don't get hung up on the "dinosaur" notion. These dinosaurs are no more dinosaurs than Arthur and his folk are aardvarks. Sure, they happen to be green, and they have tails sticking out of their pants, but the similarity ends there.
How comprehensive is this book? The Table of Contents should give you an idea. (In fact, the fact that there
is a Table of Contents should give you an idea.)
- What Does Alive Mean?
- Why Does Someone Die?
- What Does Dead Mean?
- Feelings about Death
- Among Friends
- Saying Goodbye
- Keeping Customs
- What Comes after Death?
- Ways to Remember Someone
- Glossary
From deaths of pets to deaths of close family members, from passing in old age to the death of a newborn, it's all covered. Brown and Brown are convincing in putting forward that death is simply a part of life, and that you, child, can handle it.
In fact, there are no shortage of suggestions for
how to honor the dead. Children need something to
do even during the toughest times, and this book provides ideas that you might not think of.
When Dinosaurs Die makes the point in the early pages that death can be expected or can come as a surprise. Since that's the case, and since you aren't going to run straight out to the bookstore when it happens, this book belongs in your home
before it's absolutely necessary. In fact, since children inevitably take an interest in death before they're directly effected by it, this is a book you'll likely want to share even during happy times.
There's a little "dinosaur" child on the title page, saying,
All this dying stuff makes me feel sad, worried and afraid.
That's
your child
before before you both read this book together. That same child, at the end of the book, is saying,
Isn't being alive awesome? When Dinosaurs Die
will surely help you put death into a context your children can handle and embrace.
You can see more books about death and dying here:
Bibliotherapy - Children's Books About Death
Need advice: How do you talk to a 3 1/2 year old about death? 
I love my Navy man!!!
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