Need advice: How do you talk to a 3 1/2 year old about death?

[Lady Margaret]

We lost a grandfather this year and here's a few things we told our son (5).

Grandpa loved Jesus & Jesus loves Grandpa. Grandpa was very sick and Jesus decided it was time for Grandpa to come stay with Him, where he wouldn't be sick anymore. It's sad that Grandpa is gone, but we will see him again if we love Jesus too.

Our son was not around right when Grandpa died, but we let him see Grandpa in the casket and we took him with us to the cemetary. I suppose we were just trying to let everything seem natural and not scary for him.
Right before we took our son to the funeral home, we spent a little time explaining what had happened and which Grandpa we were talking about (son has two bio-parents & two "steps" so that equals about 7 people he calls "Grandpa" - this was a great-gpa)
As we walked up to the casket, son says "Hey, I know that guy. I've been to his house." The next day, he said he wished he had a shovel so he could help bury Grandpa. Just let the child express what he/she wants to express and be there to offer comfort or explanation as best you can.

We drive by a cemetary in town frequently so this experience wasn't our first discussion of life after death. We've talked about what Heaven is like, what's going to be there, what we'll look like, how God gives us new bodies... all sorts of stuff. We've just let him ask questions and try to give solid (according to our theology) answers. Not trying to lay too much on him, rather letting him inquire of us what he wants to know.

HTH and I too am sorry for your loss.

[sunshinesmom]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice. I was too distraught yesterday to tell her. She thinks she is still at the hospital.

After reading all your posts I think I now have the strength to tell her. My husband and I are going to tell her today.

[chitownmelli]

:) Thinking of you today :)

[bethanyam]

Originally Posted by sunshinesmom Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice. I was too distraught yesterday to tell her. She thinks she is still at the hospital. After reading all your posts I think I now have the strength to tell her. My husband and I are going to tell her today.

I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you and your family today. Sending you all good thoughts.

[cmw1009]

Im so sorry for you loss... I lost my dad just over 3 months ago and my brother and SIL had a hard time explaining to my great niece (who just turned 4 last month).... She knows that my dad will not be coming home anymore and that he is in Heaven. She just saw a pic of him on my computer and she said "Thats Big Poppop... I miss Big Poppop so much.. I wish he was still here with us instead of being in Heaven" ... I started tearing up as she was saying it because her Big Poppop adored her.... (Im even tearing up as I type this). Just explain it to her the best you can... let her know that grandmom isnt sick anymore.

[family checkout]

I am sorry about your loss.
It's really hard to say it to a 3 1/2 coz they won't really understand it. maybe just him that her grandmother is in much better place.

[DebK1013]

Im sorry for your loss.

My son was 3 when my dad died and we were told by the grief counselor at the funeral home to tell the kids that "Pop Pop's body stopped working". Not to say he went to sleep, or he was very sick, or stuff like that because they would think it will happen to them next time. They all accepted it very well.


We took them to a private showing prior to the real wake and they were told they were going to a brick building and what they would see and Pop Pop would be there. They were allowed to draw pictures and put them in the casket and do whatever they wanted. They could talk and ask questions. This grief counselor was awesom. I think it helped all of us since the kids had their questions answered and if they asked again we knew how to answer. They all did very well. HTH!

Take care.