 5 weeks ago today my beloved husband died suddenly. I am soooo sad still
I am still numb. Five weeks ago today, my beloved husband of 38 years died suddenly from a blockage that we were unaware of. It was the worst day of my life. I have yet to have a day without tears. We were high-school sweethearts and soulmates. We always treated each other like each day could be our last. We cuddled for at least an hour each day. We did everything together. He was diabetic and had high blood pressure and high cholestrol. He was only 59. Every day when we cuddled, I told him that I never wanted to be without him. He was always kind and gentle and NEVER abused me in any way. Over the last few years, I think we both felt inside that we didn't have much time left together. So we made it a point to make sure that we were debt-free so that the remaining one would not have to struggle too much financially. We also made it a point to enjoy every possible day together. We went on 8 cruises over the last three years. We made as many wonderful memories as we possibly could. On our last cruise (6 months ago), we discussed our final wishes. We both agreed that whoever went first would be cremated and the ashes would go on one more final cruise to be let out in the ocean. I have already found and booked that cruise. This will be the perfect final cruise for him. You see, the singers "The Outlaws" are going to be on that cruise. DH's favorite song to sing to me nearly every day was the song "Put Another Log On the Fire". Sung by the Outlaws! You see, he was a pretty laid back guy (ok...he was kind of lazy.) I always did all the work around the house and yard. I mowed and fixed anything I could possibly do before asking him to do it. I didn't mind though, and I only smiled when he sang me the song. I accepted his faults, as he accepted my many faults and we truly appreciated each other. SO I have put in a request that this song be sung on the cruise and dedicated to him. I will be taking my daughter whom I haven't seen in eight years with me to say our final goodbyes to him. I hope that I can get past all my crying before the cruise on Jan 21. This will be her first cruise, and I don't want to spoil it for her. If there is anyone out there who can share with me a similar experience of such pain and how they got through it, I would love to hear from you. I have never been big on support groups, but I do feel a need to know of someone who has been though this intense emotional pain.
I haven't "worked" in twelve years, and now have lost his income as well as his military retirement. Fortunately the house and vehicles are paid for. Medical is not a problem because of his military retirement. No credit card debt...Nothing. I am not old enough to get his social security, but I am told that my autistic 21 year old son will get about $1,000 a month from his social security. So I believe we can live on that.
Here is the BIG miracle....The day that he died (at work) I was supposed to mail in a form to cancel his life insurance. We would have gotten about $20,000 in doing this which we were going to invest and use for more cruises. I forgot to mail in the cancellation that day. He died that night! The policy was for $50,000 so I would have been screwed out of $30,000 had I mailed in the form!
Of course I am probably under investigation.....I mean hmmmm. Husband says his is going to cancel life insurance and then dies before it gets mailed. I would certainly be suspicious if I was them. So I am betting it will be a while before I see that money. But I am still in awe that it all happened like this.
Sorry this is so long. I though it might help for me to put some of my feelings in writing. Thanks for any prayers.
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Donna in Virginia 
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