5 weeks ago today my beloved husband died suddenly. I am soooo sad still

[lorindaleigh]

Originally Posted by qponqueen I am still numb. Five weeks ago today, my beloved husband of 38 years died suddenly from a blockage that we were unaware of. It was the worst day of my life. I have yet to have a day without tears. We were high-school sweethearts and soulmates. We always treated each other like each day could be our last. We cuddled for at least an hour each day. We did everything together. He was diabetic and had high blood pressure and high cholestrol. He was only 59. Every day when we cuddled, I told him that I never wanted to be without him. He was always kind and gentle and NEVER abused me in any way. Over the last few years, I think we both felt inside that we didn't have much time left together. So we made it a point to make sure that we were debt-free so that the remaining one would not have to struggle too much financially. We also made it a point to enjoy every possible day together. We went on 8 cruises over the last three years. We made as many wonderful memories as we possibly could. On our last cruise (6 months ago), we discussed our final wishes. We both agreed that whoever went first would be cremated and the ashes would go on one more final cruise to be let out in the ocean. I have already found and booked that cruise. This will be the perfect final cruise for him. You see, the singers "The Outlaws" are going to be on that cruise. DH's favorite song to sing to me nearly every day was the song "Put Another Log On the Fire". Sung by the Outlaws! You see, he was a pretty laid back guy (ok...he was kind of lazy.) I always did all the work around the house and yard. I mowed and fixed anything I could possibly do before asking him to do it. I didn't mind though, and I only smiled when he sang me the song. I accepted his faults, as he accepted my many faults and we truly appreciated each other. SO I have put in a request that this song be sung on the cruise and dedicated to him. I will be taking my daughter whom I haven't seen in eight years with me to say our final goodbyes to him. I hope that I can get past all my crying before the cruise on Jan 21. This will be her first cruise, and I don't want to spoil it for her. If there is anyone out there who can share with me a similar experience of such pain and how they got through it, I would love to hear from you. I have never been big on support groups, but I do feel a need to know of someone who has been though this intense emotional pain. I haven't "worked" in twelve years, and now have lost his income as well as his military retirement. Fortunately the house and vehicles are paid for. Medical is not a problem because of his military retirement. No credit card debt...Nothing. I am not old enough to get his social security, but I am told that my autistic 21 year old son will get about $1,000 a month from his social security. So I believe we can live on that. Here is the BIG miracle....The day that he died (at work) I was supposed to mail in a form to cancel his life insurance. We would have gotten about $20,000 in doing this which we were going to invest and use for more cruises. I forgot to mail in the cancellation that day. He died that night! The policy was for $50,000 so I would have been screwed out of $30,000 had I mailed in the form! Of course I am probably under investigation.....I mean hmmmm. Husband says his is going to cancel life insurance and then dies before it gets mailed. I would certainly be suspicious if I was them. So I am betting it will be a while before I see that money. But I am still in awe that it all happened like this. Sorry this is so long. I though it might help for me to put some of my feelings in writing. Thanks for any prayers.

I am so so sorry to hear about your husband. He sounds like he was a wonderful man. :) I don't have a lot of advice on how to deal with grieving, except that there are no wrong ways. Also I would highly suggest going to talk to someone. Having someone that is not personally affected is a huge help. Even if its just to vent. Trust me it will help you.

The reason why I posted is to recommend that you get a lawyer. Our MIL's life insurance company dragged her settlement out for 2 years!!! Then they denied it 2 years to the date of her death (*******s). We went and got a lawyer, and he had a check for us 2 weeks after we hired him. I would give it 90 days tops and then hire a lawyer. Don't let them mess with you. They will try everything to get out of paying. Good luck!

[shelleyf]

I am so sorry for your loss of your husband. I will be praying for you. My husband is my best friend too so I can't imagine what you are going through. Try to remember the good times and I pray you get the money soon. Your husband would want you to have it.

[joshmamabear]

that sounds like a good plan you have about the cruise and his ashes. you may be stronger than I am, I don't think I can go on a cruise to do that if it was me. I would probably be in hibernation mode for at least a year before reality sets in that I have to move on.

Like you, DH and I are very close; we've been on the same page on a lot of important things that matter, especially finances. We've been out of debt for many years now and we don't have to worry about finances, if one of us goes ahead. But if God grants me a wish, I want to go ahead of DH.

[thickbluebug]

Hugs, I think that is a great idea about the cruise.

I am so sorry for you loss.

[qponqueen]

Thank you so much for all of your kind words. He was indeed my best friend. "Our song" was one sung by Don Williams...."You're my best friend"....and he surely was. I know that nearly everyone will go through this kind of pain at some time in their life, but it still seems too much to bear. One of my sons will be getting married next month in Las Vegas. They plan to play the Best Friend song at their wedding. I know that I will fall apart. But it will be half sad tears, and half happy tears. I just want to reach a point where I am not in tears every day. I think people don't want to be around me because they feel awkward and know that there is nothing they can say to make me feel better. I understand that, and try to keep the crying for a time when I am alone. But it is tough. I just loved him so very much. Thanks again for all your support. I have a CVS manager who is also going through as much pain. She just found out that her hubby is not going to live much longer due to complications of many surgeries. SHe herself has been in bad health, and I was feeling bad for her BEFORE this happened. Now, I can really relate to her. I guess that there is always SOMEONE who is worse off. I think it is her.....Money problems, hubby is dying and her own health is poor. She has young children. At least mine are grown. I am not sure which is worse.... to know it is going to happen soon, or to have it happen totally unexpected. Whatever.... It just plain hurts. Thanks again for letting me vent.

[MamaCas]

Originally Posted by qponqueen I always did all the work around the house and yard. I mowed and fixed anything I could possibly do before asking him to do it. I didn't mind though, and I only smiled when he sang me the song.

This brought tears to my eyes. It's the same way with my DH and I, and I've been so petty about it... Thank you. Bless your heart, you're in my prayers.

[rbunnymom]

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing with us about your love.

I had a loss in my life that was so painful, I had no idea how I could go on. I was blessed with many dear friends who helped me each day get through. Grieving is painful and you will go through the stages to get to the other side. You will always miss him but the pain will get easier to deal with. Reach out to those who love you for support and look to God for strength.

I will be praying for you.

[cody82414]

I am so sad reading your story.
(((hugs)))

[cecismom]

You are a very brave person for dealing with your grief and putting things out here. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. Your DH sounds like he was so wonderful. HUGS to you.

[navybrat]