My fiance is going to Iraq

[christina1286]

My fiance is in the Army and is currently station at Fort Stewart in Georgia. He will be back in Houston in November, but then he will be deployed to Iraq in December, and I'm just having a hard time with all this happening, and am very scared and nervous. Does anyone have any advice for me? I'm going to be starting college in October, which will keep me kind of busy, but I am really dreading December. Already so many thing are going through my head right now, and I'm feeling really down in the dumps. Can anyone help??

[TxAngel3115]

My 23 yr old son just made Sgt in the Marines and has been to Iraq twice so far... I would have gone bonkers if it wasn’t for me searching online for others to talk with... If you know what company, battalion etc… that he is in you can go online and find others wives and parents in the same group as your husband to help you go through this separation....

The second time wasn’t as bad because they had internet access and I was able to chat with him almost daily... But now once again he is getting shipped out to another hot area... He just came home to Houston to be with family before leaving on the 16th...

I hope this helps...

[Mommy2Cadence]

Well my dh left for his 2nd tour in Iraq when my dd was 7 days old. So I was kept pretty busy with her. Thats good that you'll be doing college that will take up a lot of time, what about a hobby? Honestly theres nothing you can do to prepare yourself what your gonna feel/think etc while he is gone, but keeping busy does help. Its hard, but it will make your relationship stronger, Its been the hardest thing we've ever done. Just take one day at a time.

[kval07]

I'm not sure what advice to give you because I haven't been on your end. I've been the one deployed to Iraq.

I can't promise it will be easy. It is very difficult for everyone involved. The key is communication. DF and I were both deployed to Iraq at the same time, but we were in different parts. Since we couldn't talk on the phone, we had IM dates. We had a set time-10pm-and every night we were able, we tried to be on the computer at that time to chat. Of course, we sometimes went days and weeks without any contact whatsoever.

Cards, letters, mail, anything from home is helpful. News was a big thing for me. I wanted to know what was going on at home. And even though I was a world away, I still wanted to hear all the small, mindless chatter and stories I would have been a part of had I been at home.

As far as not hearing anything from him for a few days over there, just remember one thing:

No news is GOOD news.

Feel free to PM me any time if you want to talk.

[christina1286]

Well he has been saving his vacation days so that way when he comes back to Houston in November, he will be able to stay longer, its already been a year and three months since i last seen him and the time seemed to just fly by since i was still in high school. But Iraq is a bigger step, and I'm just hoping I can deal with all the different emotions I will be feeling. The only person that I know that can relate with what I'm about to go through is my friend Sonia, in four days, her husband will be leaving for Iraq, but I'm pretty sure she will be busy with school and her baby.

[kval07]

Originally Posted by christina1286 Well he has been saving his vacation days so that way when he comes back to Houston in November, he will be able to stay longer, its already been a year and three months since i last seen him and the time seemed to just fly by since i was still in high school. But Iraq is a bigger step, and I'm just hoping I can deal with all the different emotions I will be feeling. The only person that I know that can relate with what I'm about to go through is my friend Sonia, in four days, her husband will be leaving for Iraq, but I'm pretty sure she will be busy with school and her baby.

She should be your best friend during that time. She will be able to give you advice and you will both know exactly how the other is feeling. It is not uncommon at all for the women and families back home to get close while their loved ones are deployed overseas.

[Ruddysgirl]

My son left for Iraq a week ago today. This is his second deployment. He was not married the first time he went but he is now. It was a lot harder for him emotionally this time around.
On his first deployment he had internet access, so I talked to him almost every day. I sent a letter every once in a while, because we were on the computer every night with web cams. I thought that was wonderful. This time my son asked us all to write him a least every week. Even though we saw each other and chatted every night he said the letters are more important even if we repeat what he already knew. He could hold us, smell us and he just felt better having something to hold that was from home. Also the Post Office now has Flat Rate boxes for APO address. It is only $10 for a box under 70lbs. which is a lot cheaper than last time.
Forget about cell phone calls from your cell phones here in the USA to Iraq. My son bought a cell phone in Kawaitt for $50.00. It cost him .60 a minute to call. I got a international calling card for $2.00 and am able to call him from my home phone for .06 per minute. My DIL just had a landline installed at home because they only had cell phones. It is a lot cheaper going that route.

You need to get your support system in place and know who you can trust. This is a issue my DIL is having. She is 1800 miles away with two small boys and she is finding out who she thought were her friends are causing her more grief. Most of the women she was close to on post went home. She is now only taking calls from family members. She wants to come home for a while to regroup. She says the only real support system she has is us but it is hard because we are so far apart. I am very close to her family and when she is ready we will be there for her to get her home.
Stay strong for you DF and prepare the best you can now. I hope this has helped you.

[kval07]

Originally Posted by Ruddysgirl You need to get your support system in place and know who you can trust. This is a issue my DIL is having. She is 1800 miles away with two small boys and she is finding out who she thought were her friends are causing her more grief.

Deployments will do that to you. I am no longer friends with anyone I was friends with prior to deployment. Some of it was out of sight, out of mind. Some of it was self imposed when I came home because of drama. Either way, it really, REALLY sucks. Especially on Saturday nights.

[pedspeech]

I have no advice just sending well wishes your way.

[hotcouponmama]

One word - SKYPE!!!

And a good webcam. DH is in Iraq right now - been there since May. Once he finally got stabilized, having the internet has been helpful.

If you use skype, my recommendation is to spend the money and not just use Skype to Skype but buy the US/CA calling plan for $8.40 every 3 months. He can dial out from his computer to your cell or a landline. And then we spend an extra $18 every three months and bought him a phone number in our own area code. That way, if I see he's online but I'm making dinner or something, I don't have to be tied to a laptop - I can just dial him from my landline/cell phone.

Be glad you don't have kids at this time - it makes deployments that much harder.

Set small milestones of time/events for yourself. I did this with the boys.

Mark was gone most of March and April, and then left for good in May. I planned a trip with the kids for June.

Then there was "kids last day of school" to look forward to for them.

Then it was summer camp.

Then a trip to Rhode Island with their Grandma.

Then we went on a 3-week road trip.

Then it was family coming to town to visit.

Now back to school. And a Sept. birthday.

Next month, Mark should get a 2-week visit.

We also have an October birthday, then Halloween.

Nov I have a business trip, and then there's thanksgiving.

December puts us at christmas break.

January will be long - we don't have much planned. Although skiing will keep us busy on the weekends.

Feb - we're trying to get some tickets for some sporting events right now - that would mean a little trip for the kids.

March is spring break - we'll do something for that week.

And then April Mark should be home, plus an April birthday for one of the kids.

So we took the approach of breaking up our time and making sure it's busy. As hard as it is not having Mark home, having things on the calendar makes all the difference in the world. If we were just sitting here pining, I'm sure it would be awful.

Know that there are lots of military members and spouses on the site here - and we're here to help! It will go by quickly. In the mean time, focus on you, as selfish as that sounds. Find ways to take care of yourself and your schooling. And absence does make the heart grow fonder. We did a 2-year long distance relationship when we first met, and I love the letters we wrote back and forth. Email's ok, but nothing beats a nice love letter from across the miles in your mailbox!