Have you ever left your husband or thought about it?

[kimandkathess]

I am just wondering if anyone has had the never to leave their spouse or ever thought about it. I am so depressed and confused right now. I am not happy with my situation at all. There are so many reasons I want to leave him and pretty much only 2 reasons i stay which seem to outway the reasons i want to go. I feel like a kid.

1. i cant drink alcohol
2. I cant smoke
3. i cant go out with friends
4. i cant complain
5. i cant get a break (i do everything, which never seems to be good enough) I get yelled at for the stuff i don't do, not complimented on the many thing i do
6. i cant talk about my problems to anyone
7. im cant win a fight, he has to have the last word and i just pretty much say ok your right im wrong, or else the fight wont end
8. i cant possiby be depressed because my life is so great
9. i can't have a hard day at work (daycare) because watching kids isnt that hard
10. i can't talk on the phone when my husband is home, in a different room without him listening.
11. i can't talk to any guys whatsoever
12. i can't like what i want to like, or listen to what i want to when hes around because its stupid
13. i cant drive if hes with me. he has to.

and im sure theres more.

The reasons I stay.
1. I don't want to have the same problems as my mom, she was married twice and has had many bad relationships
2. my husband threatens that no one is ever going to take his kids away from him again (hes had 2 previous relationships)

I just don't know what to do. Im lost......

[snafu4me]

alot of what you listed shows him as abusive/controlling (especially the threats) i've been down that road & happily divorced the last 17 years ~ pm me if you need someone to talk to more

[Sweet_Southern_Mama]

I agree with PP that this is a very abusive/controlling relationship; abuse isn't only physical. He definitely needs help. I just wonder, do you fear for your or your kids' physical safety. That is the only thing that would hold me back if I were in your situation.

While I don't agree with divorce except as a last resort, if it were me I would pack up, take my kids with me and leave when he is not home. Then I would not come back until he had gotten counseling and gotten past this. This is something HE needs to fix. If you fear for your safety and you do leave you should get a restraining order or order of protection.

What does he do when you argue, question or complain to him? Does he just yell or does it get physical?

[kktl32]

i agree leave when he is not home and avoid a confrontation,please be safe

[kamitchell6]

I've thought about leaving for a lot less then you are going through. My main reason to stay was the kids. My situation has a happy ending, but it could have been different. Call your local women't crisis center. Even if you don't make any decisions right now, you still may feel better after getting some of their advice. They've seen this over and over again. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. You shouldn't have to be in this spot and I'm glad you're asking for advice instead of just accepting your husband's rules and not doing anything about it.

[christinalkc]

I am sorry to hear that you're having a tough time with your husband but IMO, the reasons you listed are not the "recipe" for a happy lasting marriage! I am not trying to judge but your husband seems to have some serious issues (mainly insecurities) that he needs to deal with. I don't believe in divorce either but before diviing into it, let's try working on the marriage.... may I suggest counseling?

I hope you will come to a decision that will make you happy!! We are all here to listen/read whenever you need us!

Cheers.. smile!

[rrpate]

NUMBER ONE THING! should be the kids... they should not have to be around this stuff! also it teaches both boys and girls that this is the way it is..... son may end up doing the same ... daughter may end up living the same way.. they can't be happy listening to this stuff all the time.... no way in heck would i put up with all that stuff... he has had 2 previous relationships with kids??? how many without? he won't change .. and as far as divorce.. well its better than the grave! people like this seem to get more aggressive as they get older... they are miserable people if they can't control every thing and every one around them!... i say put on your running shoes and head for the hills!!! you are an adult ... you should be able to make your own decisions... he is not your DADDY!

[434Teresa]

Sounds like you could be married to my x...I stayed with him for 1o years because I loved him and then because of my boys the last 2 years. I could not even go to the store without the boys with me, if they were taking a nap I had to wait till they got up or I could not go. I worked and that was the only place I could go alone and he would time me to make sure I did not stop on the way home. I made about 50,000 a year and he made 20,000 but I was lazy and did not bring home enogh money. I to could never do ANYTHING right. As the two boys got older he had started yelling at them so I would keep them away from him as much as I could scared to leave but wantting to. Then one day after working 12 hours on a saturday I came home and he right off the bat as I walked in the door started yelling and calling me names and so on. I just looked up and told him to get the he** out, that I had took all I can from him. Yes I had to call the cops and yes he slam me around into the wall and so on but he moved out and I have not looked back then. He told me a few times on the phone that he would be over that night to get rid of me and so on I would just say come on and do whatever you think you can or have to because I know that I can not go on being married to you. Before the dorvice was even final he had another women, moved in with her and was only trying to hurt my feelings but the only thing he got from me was me telling her good luck you will need it. 9 years later he is now on his 5 wife because he cant find another that loves him enough to put up with his crap like I did, and I am remarried to a wonderful man and have 2 year old twins.


It is hard to leave because it would be taking control over your life again and thats a hard thing to do when some else has the control..dont leave with thoughts of finding another man on your mind leave because you are sick of a man being in control and making you feel worthless all the time. I did not even want to date when I first got dorviced I took care of my kds and went out with friends and had some fun...sure I looked a at a gooding guy every now and then but I would think nop probly just another control freak. Then I met my now hubby and it took him some time to even talk me into a date, he would go places that he thought I would be just so he could run into me, well I gave in and now as I said I have wonderful hubbie..I come and go as I please...

Please take it from me things are not ever going to get better becasue I told myself that to many times..he would not so called hit me but he would throw things at me and slam me into the wall, yell,put me down and call me names, then he would beg,cry and say it will never happen again,(when I done nothing to make it happen that time)he would get up and start cleaning the house but if I did not smile soon and say things were fine he would start it all over again. I could tell you about so many things he did to me and each time it got worse......I know you hear me

if you need to talk pm me

[434Teresa]

I hope you are not doing this pole to let it make your mind up for you. For some women were kids that came from homes like this and think that this is the way it is and just dont know any better and others are just to scared to leave, like I was for a long time.

...............its a leap of faith.................

..........You dont need a man to be happy............

[missmichelle01]

I would suggest you talk to a therapist and sort out your feelings with him/her. They will help you and give you the tools you need to make a decision either way. HTH