I Need Advice - How to Divide the Bills w/Boyfriend

[xquizit9]

Hey everyone! I've been wanting to post this question for a while. I'm going to be very honest and I'm hoping to get some honest, yet gentle answers.

I am 30 years old. I have 2 sons, ages 13 and 11. I am an avid couponer and have a decent stockpile. About 14 months ago, I left my job and moved in with my boyfriend. I sell any extra stockpile items at yardsales/flea markets. Though I sell more, I split the money I make with my boyfriend. So, that means I make about $500-600 a month. He is 28 and has no children. He bought a house a couple years ago. We have been living together for 14 months. He works for the State of MD and earns roughly $42,000. He sometimes gets tips, sells on Craigslist and Ebay and often "borrows" or receives gifts from his mother. She bought him a $600 tv, a $590 suit, living room blinds, retaining wall outside and much more. I have gone over his finances and try to strech his income as far as possible. In fact, the bills are less with my here than before! I use my stockpile items to support myself, my kids, my bf and his cat. I purchase the food, household products, medications, personal hygiene supplies and other items we get from couponing. I also do the cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. Due to limited income and a struggle with Hypothyroidism and Depression, I asked my mother to let the children move in with her. That's what they wanted so they could finish school in their normal schools. Please understand that this kills me but it's best for the boys. I was simply too sick to take care of them.

Out of my bf's $42,000+ income, the mortgage is $1100. He spends roughly $150-200 on hobbbies like paintball, smoking, fast food (a few times a day), CD's, DVD's, etc. All things he's not willing to get rid of. I, on the other hand, spend roughly $25 a month on myself. Buying things like clearance flip flops or clothes. The rest of what I make, about $475 (frowning) goes to pay for my gas to see my kids, buying whatever I can for the kids and paying for car insurance, etc. I don't have a cell phone or get maicures or pedicures. Short of getting rid of my car, which is paid for and the insurance is $70/month there's no way to cut my expenses. We go out for a date about once a month, if that. He doesn't support the children or spend ANY money on them.

He believes the bills should be split 50-50. I don't agree. Although, I believe I should contribute, I feel like I am contributing by buying the food, household items, cat supplies, etc. I feel that he makes more money and I have 3 people to support. I have started to have more sales lately and I've looked for more creative ways to earn money as well as continuing to look for a job. I know I should contribute more but with no income it's difficult. I'm starting to feel the only option would be to move back home. But, I don't really see that as an option. So, what do you think the division of bills should be now and in the future when I make more. Also, any suggestions on increasing my income would be great. I do some mystery shopping but only ones that don't require putting out money up front. I've joined Mypoints, Swagbucks and a few other sites but it's just not enough. Thank you so much for your opinions!!!

[shetlandponyluvr]

If it were me, I'd move back in with my mom so that I could be with my children. I know I'm not being very helpful, sorry.

[anaj06]

Originally Posted by shetlandponyluvr If it were me, I'd move back in with my mom so that I could be with my children. I know I'm not being very helpful, sorry.

That was my first though also.

But assuming you want to stay with your bf...I think a relationship is a give and take. It sounds like you give more in some areas and he gives more in other areas and to me that is the way it is supposed to be. Its probably a harder distinction if your not married though.

It concerns me that he does nothing for your kids though; I don't see how you can have a long-term relationship if he's not willing to support/spend time with your kids...jmo.

I am probably not much help...but thats my 2 cents.

[sbp]

This part confused me

Though I sell more, I split the money I make with my boyfriend. So, that means I make about $500-600 a month.

Does that mean the $500-$600 is what you make after you give part of it to your bf?

I'm not sure how to answer, not knowing if I interpreted that correctly or not.

[xquizit9]

Moving in with my mother would be my first choice. However, it isn't an option.

Sbp, the $500-600 is my portion after I've given him part or half of the sales. At one point, around March, when I was really sick, he did a lot of the deals for me on his own. He did the deals for 1 1/2 months. Since then I've done them like always but he still feels like I should split the profits. The reason he gives for splitting the money is because a lot of times he drives his car and uses his gas.

I'm thinking when I start working again the division should be based on income. Say he makes $4000 and I make $1000. I make 25% percent of what he does so I should pay 25% of the bills. That way we're paying the same percentage of bills and they aren't draining me more than him. I think that in combination with the deals, and things I do around here would be more than fair. What does everyone think about that?

[Clipper]

On the surface, he sounds cheap and spoiled. He has a live-in housekeeper and financial planner who buys all the food & hba and now wants you to pay half his mortgage & utilities too? RUN! Run back to your children.

[anaj06]

To me there are 2 ways to look at this...

1. Your in a long term relationship then it should be a give and take. It sounds like you each contribute just in different ways. So, I wouldn't say there should be any set amount just whatever you and he need to do to keep the household running.

2. Its not a long term relationship and you are basically roommates with benefits...then you should pay half of everything and so should he. Or he should charge you rent at a predetermined $$ amount. What could he realistically rent out a room in his house for in your area?

[loaslaen]

Roommates split 50-50, and a man takes care of his family. If you wanna be roommates, then split it, if you want to play house, he should provide. IMO

He has to pay those bills regardless of whether you live there or not. Did he take you in as a roommate to help with the bills, or as a love interest to care for? I think a reasonable compromise would be to gather all the bills and see how much they have increased since you have lived there. Pay only the increase, not 50/50. I think you would only have an obligation to pay anything over and above what he would normally pay if you weren't living there.

[Clipper]

Roommates split 50-50, and a man takes care of his family. If you wanna be roommates, then split it, if you want to play house, he should provide. IMO He has to pay those bills regardless of whether you live there or not. Did he take you in as a roommate to help with the bills, or as a love interest to care for? I think a reasonable compromise would be to gather all the bills and see how much they have increased since you have lived there. Pay only the increase, not 50/50. I think you would only have an obligation to pay anything over and above what he would normally pay if you weren't living there.

Very well said.

[kktl32]

if he has all that extra for fun and games and can only take you out once a month i wouldn't pay anything.I would give him a bill for my duties around the house and the expenses i pay fpr at retail and tell him have at it.you make your own decisions but if you put up with it it will only persist.it sounds like the situation couldn't possibly be good for your condition.I'd be strapping on my boots and heading back to my kids.I prefer unconditional love to conditional.NO matter what anyone says you deserve that