I Need Advice - How to Divide the Bills w/Boyfriend

[shelleyf]

[GODSPRINZES]

AMEN, DWSHRTY77ROC!! :) When a person get's sick and tired, they will change. I believe she has heard this all before. If I were her mother, I would have told her what I thought, sometime we don't want to hear what our mother's have to say, but 99 point 99% of the time they are right. And we wonder why we have these young men not stepping up to the plate in taking care of their wives or families? If a woman is acting like the man of the house, why wouldn't a man not take her up on the offer? It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about some of these women who take care of these grown tail men more than they take care of their own children. Some of these women need to get a BACK BONE, and learn how to love themselves first. And when you pass that test you will be able to pass the test when a sorry tail man comes along in your life trying to take advantage of you. You'll tell him where he needs to go.....Some of these children are raising themselves, because momma is too busy in the back bedroom with Paul, John, and Lewis Jr......Girl, just makes me mad all over again.....

[xquizit9]

Thank you ladies for your responses. I've read a few responses and figured I should clarify.
First, let me say, I have been a single mom most of their lives. My ex left after 8 years. My chilren were 5 & 2. I homeschooled the boys for years, coached their baseball teams and I was involved in so many activities with them.
A couple years ago, when I left my daycare job and moved the children and myself in with my boyfriend, things were not like this. The plan was to get married and have a family. The illness and the fact the kids wanted to finish school in their natural schools (they'd been back to public school for 2 years) I believe changed the way my bf looks at the situation. When we moved here, he asked me to marry him, he spent all of his time with me and the kids. He attended ALL of their school, church and sports events and we were doing well. He told me recently, that the boys should not have moved in with my mother. He wanted them here. He has made a total change when it comes to the boys. And like I said in my first post, he spends very little time with them now. I think he's upset that they aren't here.
Looking back, I think my illness and depression have been made worse by the fact that the boys aren't here. It has always been the 3 of us. There isn't a day that I don't cry or miss them. I have asked them if they want to come back here. We can start a new school district this year. They know that I cannot live with my mother. I would love to be there, and that's where I would be, if I could. It simply isn't my choice.
I have read all of your responses with an open heart and mind. I check this thread constantly. I've known what I'm working towards the whole time. And that has been to put a little aside so we can get a small place in the same school district so I can be with my children again. I know it won't be as nice as our home before but I can't expect to go through all of this physically and financially and still maintain the life we were living before. Thank you all for your responses. I have thought that my bf and I were on different pages since the children left. Now that I have another opinion I have something to draw on. I will be making some changes. Thank you all!

[momof2inohio]

I guess I am not understanding why your boys would rather live with your mom just to be in the same school district? I know its hard on kids having to change schools, my kids had to do it but they need to be with you. My number one priority would be getting my children back. They could be resentful of your boyfriend. I know you said he treated them well up until now but since up until recently it was just the 3 of you. They may feel like you are spending more time with him and resenting that. Boyfriends come and go but your children are yours forever.

[GODSPRINZES]

Xquizit9 your illness can be cured. With the right meds, you can get over this. Many people have what you have and have gone on to live their lives. There is no excuse for allowing your children to live with your mother and have her raise your boy's. There are places for women and there children to go in cases such as yours. It sounds to me like you can't let go of your boyfriend. You are responsible for raising your boy's not your mother. You need to be there when they wake up, and when they go to sleep. God blessed you with these beautiful boy's so that you can raise them. If God didn't think that you couldn't do it, he wouldn't have blessed you with children. You are your own worse enemy. I have thyroid problems, but I choose to take my medication for it and raise my children. If your boyfreind meant you well, he would have never allowed for the boy's to go to your mother's in the first place. Knowing that would have hurt you even more to see them not living with you. Until you get sick and tired of being in this place you will still remain the same. Change start's with you. Until you choose to change, this will forever go on. Married or not. You have some issues that only you can deal with, and until you face the music for yourself, there is nothing else to be said. I really feel sorry for your children.....They need you more than anyone else in this life, period.

[Clipper]

Oh give her a break. The boys (no apostrophe) are with their grandmother not in some third world prison. They will be okay. Separations can be healthy. She is depressed and soliciting some advice, don't flame her.

[shetlandponyluvr]

Is there a reason why you can't move in with your mom?

[gooseandmama]

I would find a way to be with my kids, if I were you. Why would you choose the boyfriend over your children? :shrug7: And, why is moving back home to mom not an option, but the kids could?

I've had thyroid cancer & I would never let my kids live somewhere else without me....whether my symptons were bad or not.

Curious....

[kval07]

We moved many times when I was young and my parents never let me decide where I wanted to go to school. They were the parents, so the did the deciding. I didn't like it, but I got over it!

[GODSPRINZES]

Originally Posted by Clipper Oh give her a break. The boys (no apostrophe) are with their grandmother not in some third world prison. They will be okay. Separations can be healthy. She is depressed and soliciting some advice, don't flame her.

She "ASKED" a question and got an answer. And even if they were in a third world country, they still need to be with THEIR MOTHER. That is one of the problems with this world now, we have many grandparent's raising their children's children. I can see if she were really ill and couldn't take care of herself or her children, that would be a different thing. This is not the time to sugar coat, or make her feel good. People need to be held accountable for their actions. If she didn't want to hear what people had to say, she should have not asked the question in the first place. I'll keep her and her children in my prayer's.