I Need Advice - How to Divide the Bills w/Boyfriend

[mama22qts]

OP, your kids are only going to be at home for a few more years. Go home to them and enjoy them while you can. Hypothyroidism is very treatable as is depression. You don't have a job; do you have access to medical care? Are you taking meds for either of these conditions?

[shelleyf]

I think you deserve better treatment than what you are getting. It makes me sad reading your story. You are worth so much more than being a s*x partner, maid and errand runner and having to pay alot of money too. Your bf has it way too easy and you need to show him you are worth more than what he is doing to you. I have been married almost 20 years and my husband has never divided money. We share everything no matter what, period. I don't believe in his and her money/bills etc. You came into this together and if you get married it will get worse if things don't change. You will be in my prayers. I know your kids need you too. Nobody is worth anything if they can't accept your kids. Period. I am not trying to sound mean or harsh I am just upset this man is doing this to you. I would never allow this ever. My husband gave me money when we were dating and is old-fashioned. He believes in a man doing things for his wife/girlfriend and doesn't believe women should have to work but sadly with the economy I have to work. He is only 38 but believes a man should support his family as well as he can.

[Colinsgrandma]

Get your thyroid issues under control and your depression may resolve. Get a job at least part time that will make you feel better too. Your kids should be your first priority. Your decisions now will affect them for the rest of their lives.

[Ggbwg]

Since you have your own car i would just drive myself so he could not use splitting $ because your using his gas $ and him driving you.

Think of it this way, this is your job. If your driving your own self you should not have to split it w/ him.

Does he split his wages from his job w/ you ? If the answer is no then same rule should apply to above.

I think buying groceries and such is fine. My sister has lived w/ her boyfriend for 6 yrs. She pays for 1/2 electric, 1/2 gas, her groceries, her car insurance & payment. When they go out to eat they each pay there own.

It is a hard situation.

[Queenkim98]

Originally Posted by xquizit9 I'm thinking when I start working again the division should be based on income. Say he makes $4000 and I make $1000. I make 25% percent of what he does so I should pay 25% of the bills. That way we're paying the same percentage of bills and they aren't draining me more than him. I think that in combination with the deals, and things I do around here would be more than fair. What does everyone think about that?

I think you should start looking for another boyfriend.

Kim

[jenn_lovingmomof4]

I agree with other posts that it seems as though he is doing more taking than giving in this relationship. A relationship should be give and take, not keeping score. Expecting gas money from your girlfriend?? Wow! I would sit down and think really hard if this is really a relationship that you want to be in long term. It doesn't seem like a very healthy relationship to be in. I know from experience that it is harder for you to see that than the rest of us, but probably quite a few of us have been in a "not so ideal" situation in the past with a boyfriend and didn't really want to see the bad side of it either. You are not alone.

If there is anyway possible, I would go back to be near your kids. If you can't live with your mother, then is there a friend or other relative that you can live with for awhile?

[GODSPRINZES]

As the old saying goes, "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free"? That's what my mother use to tell me before I woke up and smelled the coffee. You are not married to him, so why split everything down the middle? You can do bad all by yourself. Do you really need him to make it in life? Love will make him do the right thing and marry you. The money you make should be saved up so that you can get your own place for you and your boy's. Your babies come first. They need their mom right now. If I had to sleep on my mother's floor I would, just so that I could wake up and see my children off to school, and do thing's a mother should do with her children. Stop shacking, and laying up with this man, and look at the big picture. Your boy's are growing up fast, and in a blink of an eye, they will be grown men. Do what is best for them. I don't mean to sound harsh, I just believe in being honest. And sometime the truth hurt's, but I would rather hurt than to see my children hurt in the end. It's not about your boyfriend, it's about your little boy's.....

[nateNnatsmommy]

Originally Posted by xquizit9

I'm thinking when I start working again the division should be based on income. Say he makes $4000 and I make $1000. I make 25% percent of what he does so I should pay 25% of the bills. That way we're paying the same percentage of bills and they aren't draining me more than him. I think that in combination with the deals, and things I do around here would be more than fair. What does everyone think about that?

If you are truly considering using this reasoning, you need to look at your percentage of the total household income. With the numbers above, you'd be making 20% percent of the income - further with your logic there, you should be responsible for 20% of the household expenses.

[tmsmalley]

Here's my take- If you two were roommates, I'd say it should be a 50/50 split and what your other expenses are or what your income is, is irrelevant. Adults don’t get to live for free in this world.

If you were married, I'd say that what each of you makes and what expenses you have is also irrelevant. You both contribute in your own ways and regardless of how your bank accounts are organized, you’re both putting into and taking out of the same pot.

When you're boyfriend and girlfriend living together things get sticky. I don't know that he's wrong to want a 50/50 split in that case.

I think you have to define what works for you. I think that the bigger issue here is that the two of you seem to be on totally different pages about what this relationship is and where it is going. I think THAT's the conversation you should be having, not one about how to divide up the rent. From your post (and I only read the first one so if there's more I haven't gotten there yet), you sound like you expect to be sharing finances and expenses and division of labor like a married couple. From what he's saying, it sounds to me like he sees you as a room mate with privileges. That's a very big divide. You need to talk about that and decide if you're happy with indefinite roommate status or if he's willing to shift things to something more like a marriage. By marriage, I mean fully committed partnership where your contributions and his contributions balance out and you both agree on how that works. May or may not include an actual "marriage" ceremony.

Tess

[dwshrty77roc]

I think you should get your things and go back home to your mom until you are able to get a part/full time job to get your own place. You are living a very dangerous life. Right now from what I've read that you've posted your headed down the wrong path. The way you guys have your living arrangements set up is so ridiculous. How dare he take half of what you make from your stockpile and how dare you willingly give it to him. He sounds like someone who is just using you to get what he wants. What made you leave you job to move in with him. Were you promised that you would be taken care of or something. For you to leave your job, send your kids to your mom and move in with a guy you are not married to shows me that your priorities are in the wrong place. Your boys need you more then this guy needs you, all I really see you getting out of this is s*x. He is not treating you like a good man should. He goes out does what he wants to do, buying fast food several times a day, while you get $25 a month and then you buy groceries for the house, I don't think so. He's got your nose so wide open til you can't see what in front of you or should I say whats not in front of you (YOUR BOYS). My best advice for you is to leave that situation and do the right thing, GET YOUR LIFE BACK, cuz you no longer have one.