when you feel like your growing out of love.

[CouponQueen23]

Here I sit right now my hands a freezing and I am burning inside. I just got a few bills on showing a ppv my dh purchased of an adult video $10.99 while I was working, he works nights and sleeps days pretty much right up till it is time for me to go to bed all we see each other is in passing, at work (we work the same place and at home when he is leaving) Any way today I noticed a charge for almost $ 70.00 that he made yesterday to a&e adult mail order crap. All while I was gone to the dr with our 10 who was sick, pisses me off to think all while
I am struggling to save us money and all the savings I reap he is buying this ****. We have no time together because we both have to work, and at this point I am so mad I don't want anything to do with him, he has no idea I know about either, The sad part is our anniversary of 11 years is next sunday, and I have been waiting for a diamond to be replaced in my ring I am not going to ask for it but I can see where his heart is certainly not in the right place and I am thinking my heart is getting less loving the more **** like this happens. I am sorry but I had to get that off my chest I have so much anxiety built up from the weekly tasks that burry me each week I just have no one to talk to and needed to vent.:sad:

[greenrays]

I'm sorry you are struggling.

Marriage is a job, it's the most important one you have other than parenting. He needs to wake up sooner to make time for y'all. There has to be time, avoiding won't help anything.

Why didn't he go to the dr with you and your ds if he was obviously awake?? Seems that priorities are all in the wrong place, you and him have to decide if you want them back in their proper places.

[Lori63]

I am so sorry~

[CouponQueen23]

I'm sorry you are struggling.

Marriage is a job, it's the most important one you have other than parenting. He needs to wake up sooner to make time for y'all. There has to be time, avoiding won't help anything.

Why didn't he go to the dr with you and your ds if he was obviously awake?? Seems that priorities are all in the wrong place, you and him have to decide if you want them back in their proper places.

We have 2 other children he was home with them, mean while apparently shopping adult stores online. He just burns me up about so many things I really feel like I am living a single mom role with a dh involved here. He was only aval. to help with the other 2 because it was like 8 am when we went to the dr.'s. otherwise dinner after school sports shopping and all of the above is left for me and I get no help from anyone. I know that I
am really taken advantage here and I know how hard the night shift is i worked it for about 6 years I can say though I seen my kids. my 10 old is having issues with not seeing his dad. Now that I know what he is staying up to do that is why he has to sleep so late angers me so bad!!!! I know he gets online too I really wana find out what else he does while I am working apparently other women turn him on so I am wondering if theres more to find out:sad: He has a seperate username log on than me and there has been time he has left pages when I have entered the room, any one know way to look on to his on activity because I need some answers.

[Lmnde]

Have you given any thought to that perhaps he is looking at p**n because there is nothing going on in your relationship any longer? after 3 k ids, 10+ years, work, worry and exhaustion it is hard to keep the loving up to par. I think what you two need is a lot of heart to heart talk - I hear a lot of dissappointment and resentment in you, and I wouldn't be surprised if he feels the same...

Talk to him and see if you cannot start communicating again. Perhaps some major changes in your work/life/schedule can accomodate both of your needs, give you a bit of a break when you need it, and can be the first step in refreshing your marriage and your love affair. Talking to someone close to both of you may be helpful as well.

Hang in there - if it is possible and not too far gone, you may be able to rekindle your love...

[CouponQueen23]

Have you given any thought to that perhaps he is looking at p**n because there is nothing going on in your relationship any longer? after 3 k ids, 10+ years, work, worry and exhaustion it is hard to keep the loving up to par. I think what you two need is a lot of heart to heart talk - I hear a lot of dissappointment and resentment in you, and I wouldn't be surprised if he feels the same...

Talk to him and see if you cannot start communicating again. Perhaps some major changes in your work/life/schedule can accomodate both of your needs, give you a bit of a break when you need it, and can be the first step in refreshing your marriage and your love affair. Talking to someone close to both of you may be helpful as well.

Hang in there - if it is possible and not too far gone, you may be able to rekindle your love...

I have mentoined the fact of him working the 3-11 shift at work and I got a quick... NOPE! This would give us 7 days a week home at night in the bed at the same time. The way it is now maybe a sat if they don't have him work and a sunday is the only time we are sleeping at home together. He is so set in his ways. Not only would the 3-11 work good for him seeing our 10 yol more during summer vacation, but he is not interested in any of what I have to say about it. I am yes very bitter right now you need to understand I am juggling the family while he is enjoying his days home byhimself alone I am working 10 yr old at school 2 other little ones at the sitters. then I come home each night to be alone and no help from him yes there is resent ment do you see why?

[gettinrevvin2007]

I know what that's like. It really takes a toll on you, and they don't seem to care. It's an exhausting cycle of worry, hurt, and no sleep.
If you can't get him to talk, or he won't see a counselor, it will most likely get worse.
(((hugs)))

[CouponSAHM]

I am so sorry. I was just there but we have only been married 5 years and our boys are very young. I will tell you it took kicking him out, getting his family involved and serious counseling to get things anywhere close to normal. I believe he got the wake-up call but a part of me wakes every day wondering if things are gonna stay ok. Making him leave was the scariest thing I have ever done but for me it was the only solution. The crap I found on the computer only led me to worse and worse things with more and more different log in names. Talk to him and see where his mind and heart is and then be prepared to make some tough decisions. My prayers are with you.

[warcraftbaby]

I have mentoined the fact of him working the 3-11 shift at work and I got a quick... NOPE! This would give us 7 days a week home at night in the bed at the same time. The way it is now maybe a sat if they don't have him work and a sunday is the only time we are sleeping at home together. He is so set in his ways. Not only would the 3-11 work good for him seeing our 10 yol more during summer vacation, but he is not interested in any of what I have to say about it. I am yes very bitter right now you need to understand I am juggling the family while he is enjoying his days home byhimself alone I am working 10 yr old at school 2 other little ones at the sitters. then I come home each night to be alone and no help from him yes there is resent ment do you see why?

It is perfectly acceptable for you to be upset. If my hubby was spending that much money behind my back I would be livid. But I agree with another pp that the porn is most likely from boredom. I would say, get angry, let yourself be furious! Write him a letter of how neglected and hurt you feel. Once it's all out calm down, throw out that angry letter (burn or shred ) Actually when I've got a hot button issue to discuss with mine, I type it all up and revise it until it's not inflammatory and post it on the door for him to read. Gets all my thoughts out there without interruption

Then find some time for you and the hubby to have a LONG talk. Tell him EXACTLY what you want/need. Don't say "I need help with the kids" say "I need you to make the kids breakfast on my workdays/fold the laundry/etc." And find out what HE needs from you. Marriage is a job by itself; you guys need to find the time to work on it. The nite shift is an unholy demon, my hubby works it and it has changed how we do everything. There has got to be at least one period of time each week when you two could find some alone time. Schedule that time for you guys. Treat it as you would an important drs appt, and stick to it.

As for the porn by itself, I don't really know what to say on that one. I don't really have a problem with porn and we don't have it here so hopefully someone else can elaborate on that one. GL, and hopefully you guys can have a nice 11th anniversary!

[derketchup]

It is perfectly acceptable for you to be upset. If my hubby was spending that much money behind my back I would be livid. But I agree with another pp that the porn is most likely from boredom.

I wouldn't be so quick to trivialize porn down to just "boredom":

It has been found that pornography is sexually arousing. Men are reported to be more likely to find sexual violence erotic when the violence is presented as exciting for women. More worrying is the finding that men watching aggressive porn are more likely to behave aggressively towards women immediately afterwards.

Watching soft-core porn has the effect of making rape more likely to be trivialized. Incontrovertible evidence for the anti-porn lobby, it would seem, supporting the claim that "porn is the theory and rape the practice".