ARGH! WWYD? w/DD 1st gr Teacher - ADHD etc

[lbrown1618]

If you have read my previous posts, we are in the beginning of working with my DD having ADHD. I'm more than a little miffed at her teacher right now and now sure what the appropriate next step is. I know what I *want* to do, but that would involve unpleasant words to her.


REWIND....
My 6yr old Dd is in 1st grade. For the 1st 7 weeks of school she would NOT do any of her class work. Everything came home to complete. We had a handful of meetings with the teacher. One included the school's social worker. The teacher had her come in to observe DD. The all but came right out and said they thought she was ADHD. (apparently its a taboo for them to tell parents ADHD). So I finally came out and said, do you think she has ADHD? They said that is something her ped would diagnose and perhaps its a good idea to make an appt.

I will also mention that DH (and MIL) have not liked the teacher much from day 1. I never really had a problem with her until lately. For instance....this really irked me. They get "home links" almost every day which are an extension of what they are doing in class. DH and I are 99% sure they told us at orientation that the kids didn't have to bring them back to school. So come time for the 2nd marking period, she emails me to say that after filling out the questionairre for DD's ADHD testing it occured to her that DD hasn't turned in any of her homelinks this period, and only 1/2 last period. (the ?aire asked about the child turning in homework). I replied and said we *her parents* thought they didn't have to be turned back in. For pete's sake they send the answers home for us to check it against. So we were making her do them and then tossing them. I can only imagine that 1/2 got turned in *by accident* 1st period since she was having to do her class work and bring it back, it probably just got mixed in together. I told her all this....couple days later she sends home NINETEEN days of homelinks backlogged from this period. Does she really think I am going to make her do these AGAIN...and that many?! Uh, NO! She is very intelligent, so its not like she needs extra extra practice or I would. I laughed it off. But it bothered me and made a "tic" against her in my book.

Anyway...So we make an appt, go thru the whole process. She is DXed ADHD. The process was very thorough. It was 4 drs from various fields. Each did their own testing, and then they met to discuss and collaborate. This "staff" meeting is very informative and they invite the teacher (or social worker/principal, whoever you want invited from school that has a relationship with the child). We told her teacher about it well ahead of time as well as a formal invite sent from the dr office.

So we go for the "parent" meeting w/the head dr a couple weeks ago. I ask if the teacher came to the staff mtg and he said no. And that HE was somewhat disappointed in that. I ask if teachers usually come. He says that 90% of time they have someone from the school attend. GRRR!! We were sooo pissed she didn't go. I mean it was HER urging that got us there!

Today I get an email from her....
Hi Mr. & Mrs. Weiner!

I was interested in finding out how your meeting went at Beaumont. I'm sorry I wasn't able to attend. I hope the meeting was informative and helpful. I'd like to hear about it when you have a moment. We could talk on the phone or get together if that's easier. Let me know. Thanks!

[her name here]



I kinda feel like telling her to stick it! Honestly, I think we should forward it to the principal and add a note that we are very disappointed in her not going. WWYD?

[sati769leigh]

i would talk to the principal myself. You are your child's best advocate but a teacher comes close behind that. a good teacher anyways. she is the one who was suggesting this testing and then doesn't bother participating? I would not like that either. there seems to be a lot of miscommunication here and maybe the principal can sort it all out. I woudl not present it as you are angry. just you are concerned.

[lbrown1618]

I would not present it as you are angry. just you are concerned.

That my problem... I'm a hot head by nature. I show my emotions when I talk about something important. I don't know that I *can* present it other than angry.

[allison1887]

Teachers in my area cannot diagnose students for ADHD(lawsuit problems)
Yes, apparently there was a miscommunication about the homelinks assignments however the teacher took the time to get up 19 homelinks for your child to turn back in and you felt your child didn't need to do them??? However, you expect this teacher to go to a staff meeting on her off time?

I guess I am really missing something here.

She sent a note asking how the meeting went and I really feel that is adequate! This teacher met with you several times about your child. Who knows she may have had something come up that day.

I am sorry if you are offended by my opinion, but...I really think you need to step back and look how much the teacher has done already. I do not think it is the teacher's place to meet w/ your child's doctor. You met w/ the doctor and you could have given her all the info she needed.

[lbrown1618]

Teachers in my area cannot diagnose students for ADHD(lawsuit problems)
Yes, apparently there was a miscommunication about the homelinks assignments however the teacher took the time to get up 19 homelinks for your child to turn back in and you felt your child didn't need to do them??? However, you expect this teacher to go to a staff meeting on her off time?

I guess I am really missing something here.

She sent a note asking how the meeting went and I really feel that is adequate! This teacher met with you several times about your child. Who knows she may have had something come up that day.

I am sorry if you are offended by my opinion, but...I really think you need to step back and look how much the teacher has done already. I do not think it is the teacher's place to meet w/ your child's doctor. You met w/ the doctor and you could have given her all the info she needed.

YES - I felt my child did not need to REDO the homelinks she already did based on the miscommunication between the teacher and the parents.

The staff meeting would have been during school hours NOT her off time.
And yes, I did expect her to go since it was her idea in the first place to have her tested. All our previous meetings were to discuss that something was in fact wrong...and that nothnig she was trying was helping.

The meeting she was invited to would have given her a TON of insight into what is going on with the child and how to help her in class, essentially making her job easier. So YES I do expect that she should have gone.

She was just "meeting with my child's dr" . This was not the ped. This was a specialist in the field that SHE felt my child needed testing in.

She didn't just have something come up that day. She was never planning on going. The school would have provided a sub for her to go.

[harmons89]

Yes, stand up for your child and her best interest. With that said, consider writing an email or letter to the teacher expressing your disappointment in the entire situation including the misunderstanding regarding the homework, carbon copy the principal. File it away for the night, go back the next day and read it. Make any changes that might have been included due to your anger or "Hot Headedness". When you are sure it clearly and calmly expresses your feelings without attacking the teacher or appearing to be "one of those parents" (the ones that think their child can do no wrong or is unreasonable in their expectations overall) send it, then wait for your response. You want the school administration to know that you have your child's best interest first on your agenda and your will do whatever is necessary to get her needs met, but you never want to make enemies of the school administration or teachers. Your child has many years in elementary school and this is the foundation of their education, you want it to be the best it can be. Always think "You get more flies with honey than with vinegar." You can get your point across without offending them, when you read and re-read, you can be sure of this. Sometimes you leave them thinking "What a wonderful parent with great ideas" when in reality you were setting them straight, they just did not realize it and jumped on board. One last note, consider if this is an experienced teacher or a new one, my friend has an ADD son and last year he had a new teacher that did not know what to do or how to handle it, this year he has an experienced teacher and she has helped them get him treated, works with him and communicates with the parents almost daily. She is a blessing and an asset to my friend and her son.

[lbrown1618]

Yes, stand up for your child and her best interest. With that said, consider writing an email or letter to the teacher expressing your disappointment in the entire situation including the misunderstanding regarding the homework, carbon copy the principal. File it away for the night, go back the next day and read it. Make any changes that might have been included due to your anger or "Hot Headedness". When you are sure it clearly and calmly expresses your feelings without attacking the teacher or appearing to be "one of those parents" (the ones that think their child can do no wrong or is unreasonable in their expectations overall) send it, then wait for your response. You want the school administration to know that you have your child's best interest first on your agenda and your will do whatever is necessary to get her needs met, but you never want to make enemies of the school administration or teachers. Your child has many years in elementary school and this is the foundation of their education, you want it to be the best it can be. Always think "You get more flies with honey than with vinegar." You can get your point across without offending them, when you read and re-read, you can be sure of this. Sometimes you leave them thinking "What a wonderful parent with great ideas" when in reality you were setting them straight, they just did not realize it and jumped on board. One last note, consider if this is an experienced teacher or a new one, my friend has an ADD son and last year he had a new teacher that did not know what to do or how to handle it, this year he has an experienced teacher and she has helped them get him treated, works with him and communicates with the parents almost daily. She is a blessing and an asset to my friend and her son.

GREAT ideas, thank you!

This is a fairly experienced teacher....I don't recall exactly, but I think she told us she has been teaching for like 8 yrs.

I've been trying to run stuff by my SIL who is a teacher (but new) to get her pov as the educator. But she is also close to my child so she is still slanted by that.

[supershopper1980]

I understand where you are coming from as a parent, but I also understand from the teacher's perspective and I think in your anger you have failed to see it.
It is our job as professionals (teachers) to make sure that parents have any and all information they need to do best by their child. The laws do vary from State to State, but for most part schools are not allowed to say that you should have your child tested for any psycological disorder/medical condition. If they do, they can become liable for the testing/doctor appointments costs necessary to actually reach that diagnosis. Just because the school lead you to the conclusion that you should speak with your doctor about a medical issue doesn't mean that someone from the school must attend a meeting with a "specialist" as you said. If the school suggested your child have her eyes checked, would you insist the teacher meet with the eye doctor? Furthermore, educators deal with students with all forms of ADHD and I am sure your child's teacher was positive she could help your daughter once a formal diagnosis was made. Generally once there is a formal diagnosis students are given modifications to help them succeed.
I would be curious to know where you got the information that the school would pay for a substitute, so that the teacher could go and meet with this doctor. I do not know of any school district or teacher's contract that has this type of leave built in. Furthermore, since this "staff meeting" is not likely on school grounds who is going to pay the transportation costs for this teacher to go to the meeting? Honestly, as a parent of one of the other 20+ kids I would be angry that my child wasn't as important as the one the teacher was going to a meeting for.
I do not think the teacher is obligated to attend the meeting and I would be willing to bet that if you do decide to speak with the Principal that is the information you will get. Be grateful that this teacher cares enough about your DD to do all she already has. Take a walk in the teacher's shoes and I am sure that you will feel differently than you do right now.

I will say that would not have made my child redo work that was already completed just because of miscommunication. As a teacher I also would not have sent it home again, I would have said from now on make sure you return it.

[lbrown1618]

I understand where you are coming from as a parent, but I also understand from the teacher's perspective and I think in your anger you have failed to see it.
It is our job as professionals (teachers) to make sure that parents have any and all information they need to do best by their child. The laws do vary from State to State, but for most part schools are not allowed to say that you should have your child tested for any psycological disorder/medical condition. If they do, they can become liable for the testing/doctor appointments costs necessary to actually reach that diagnosis. Just because the school lead you to the conclusion that you should speak with your doctor about a medical issue doesn't mean that someone from the school must attend a meeting with a "specialist" as you said. If the school suggested your child have her eyes checked, would you insist the teacher meet with the eye doctor? Furthermore, educators deal with students with all forms of ADHD and I am sure your child's teacher was positive she could help your daughter once a formal diagnosis was made. Generally once there is a formal diagnosis students are given modifications to help them succeed.
I would be curious to know where you got the information that the school would pay for a substitute, so that the teacher could go and meet with this doctor. I do not know of any school district or teacher's contract that has this type of leave built in. Furthermore, since this "staff meeting" is not likely on school grounds who is going to pay the transportation costs for this teacher to go to the meeting? Honestly, as a parent of one of the other 20+ kids I would be angry that my child wasn't as important as the one the teacher was going to a meeting for.
I do not think the teacher is obligated to attend the meeting and I would be willing to bet that if you do decide to speak with the Principal that is the information you will get. Be grateful that this teacher cares enough about your DD to do all she already has. Take a walk in the teacher's shoes and I am sure that you will feel differently than you do right now.

I will say that would not have made my child redo work that was already completed just because of miscommunication. As a teacher I also would not have sent it home again, I would have said from now on make sure you return it.

I appreciate your POV. I understand what your saying from the teachers position. Thank you. It was my SIL who said the school would set up a sub for her. I understand a little better and am less angry now from your post. Thanks

As for the homelinks - we did say we would turn them in from now on, and we have. I guess it was the point that she sent home all those backlogged ones just left me in awe! But we didn't send them back in and she hasn't made mention of it either, so we'll let sleeping dogs lye on that.

[tmsmalley]

OK, you may not like this but here's my take. I didn't read the other responses either so my apologies if this overlaps...

Homelinks- This was definitely your error, but the point of homework in Kindy, 1st and 2nd grade or so, is to establish the pattern of doing the homework and turning it in. Since she didn't turn it in (even though this was your fault), she needs to do it again and turn it in. I'd say a few a day until you get them caught up.

The staff meeting- I appreciate that usually "someone" from the school comes, but I think it is probably unreasonable to expect a teacher with 20-30 students to take time off school or afterhours to go to an outside meeting about 1 child. It is probably something that the school psychologist or social worker could have attended but they may not have known about it or may have had conflicts. It should, however, be sufficient for them to get the written report.

I don't get why you're ticked off at this teacher. She's got 20-30 kids she's trying to manage and frankly, it sounds like she's giving your daughter all the attention she can. She's had meetings with you, she calls and emails you. She brought in the social worker and nudged you down the ADD road. Sounds like she's doing everything she can here.

The next step is to get the paperwork from the doctors to the school and establish an IEP for your daughter. That plan will work out what they need to do for your child, how they need to do it, who needs to be involved, what everyone's roles are, clarify any confusion, etc.


Tess