Moral Compass????

[liltate]

This may be a little long so please bear with me :)

I am currently working as a nanny for a family that I have known for over 6yrs. I used to be their Aupair and have remained very good friends with the Mum. She has 5boys who are all pretty decent kids, little rough around the edges but not totally horrible.

Except for her 2nd oldest, 'M'. Im pretty sure this kid has no morals or conscience (sp?) One of his younger brothers was doing homework last nite and complaining about English homework which had to do with a book they had to read. He didnt like the book and has hated all the homework that goes along with it. 'M' was telling his brother about a website that he uses that has reviews for almost any book you can imagine and how he hasnt read a book in almost 4yrs. He is is 10th grade, so his entire high school education, he hasnt picked up a single book!!

He proceeded to explain that not only does he not do any of the required reading, he and his friends pay, and get paid to write essays, book reports and complete projects for other students!! I was pretty much flabergasted and completely disgusted that this goes on in his school.

But he continued....One of his teachers told them at the beginning on the school year that he is very good at catching anyone who cheats, but if they did cheat and get away with it, to let him know at the end of the year cause he would like to shake their hand and give them a college recommendation!! I am soooo hoping that this part he was making up because I just about puked thinking that someone like that is a teacher.

So I asked him if he thinks its right to cheat? He said sure, if you can get away with it!!!

I asked him if he thinks its ok for someone to steal, say some big business man who steals from people who cant afford it then skips town? He says sure, the guy must be pretty smart and deserves to have all that money!!

Then I asked him what about if someone kills someone because they 'know' they can get away with it, is it right? He says 'SURE'!!! I was ready to jump on him and give him a few slaps around the face by this point!!!

I am just in awe that this child seems to think that these things are ok, and is voicing that opinion in front of his 8yr old brother. I want to tell his mother about all this, but im not really sure if its my place, or even how to go about it.

I have also considered letting his school know anonymously about some other things that go on there, such as selling stolen goods. But this is a very prestige, catholic school and Im pretty sure it would fall on deaf ears.

Any opinions and advice would be greatly appreciated, I just feel like I might be in a 'damned if you do, damned if you dont' kinda situation!!!

[chellebyerly]

I am pretty sure that telling mom and dad would result in you loosing them as friends. and as employers. But IMHO allowing a child to go into the world with this belief system is worse.

And I'd definatly tell the school, or the cops.. Someone is loosing things because these kids are stealing. Thats not fair to the victems. If you have ever had anything stolen you never forget it. It haunts you forever.

I might even tell the teacher if I could. have him check out the website. Although his attitude is a little cocky, he more than likely has his heart in the right place.


OT, what kind of fish does hubby have? I love them, but here lately dont have much 'fun' stuff. although my rope fish is my favorite. :) I just cant find coupons for fish, so I cant afford any new ones ;) LOL

[liltate]

I am pretty sure that telling mom and dad would result in you loosing them as friends. and as employers. But IMHO allowing a child to go into the world with this belief system is worse.

Its a rock and a hard place. They are like family to me in a way. All my family lives overseas, so they have been a great support system. But I feel like hes swimming in dangerous waters going around with an attitude like that.

And I'd definatly tell the school, or the cops.. Someone is loosing things because these kids are stealing. Thats not fair to the victems. If you have ever had anything stolen you never forget it. It haunts you forever.

I might even tell the teacher if I could. have him check out the website. Although his attitude is a little cocky, he more than likely has his heart in the right place.

I am thinking I will inform the police and the school anonymously about the stealing, the more I think about it the more I know that someone needs to.

OT, what kind of fish does hubby have? I love them, but here lately dont have much 'fun' stuff. although my rope fish is my favorite. :) I just cant find coupons for fish, so I cant afford any new ones ;) LOL

Right now he has none :frown: We are moving from CT to FL so he sold all of his fish and just has live coral and a new tank that hes going to set up when we move. When he had his tank he had a clown fish, blue damsel, and a couuple of smaller ones that right now I cant for the life of me think of the names of!!! Although hes having serious withdrawal right now and really badly wants to set up his new tank!! :hectic1:

[tivaclare]

Well, it's not up to you to parent the kid even though one would wonder how they parents are missing all of this.

I agree it sounds acceptable to anonymously report the misdeeds of the kid. I think he's just being a bratty 15year old and will hopefully grow out of it. If not, a few wake up calls couldn't hurt.

Good luck and don't let it bother you too much. There's only so much you can do with other people's kids.

[shannondw1]

Well, it's not up to you to parent the kid even though one would wonder how they parents are missing all of this.

I agree it sounds acceptable to anonymously report the misdeeds of the kid. I think he's just being a bratty 15year old and will hopefully grow out of it. If not, a few wake up calls couldn't hurt.

Good luck and don't let it bother you too much. There's only so much you can do with other people's kids.

Tiva's right only so much you can do! 2nd I think I would bring it up to the parents like "Hay Sue, so the other day I heard M talking to N and he mentioned a website where he is getting his essay papers from?" "Just thought I would share this information with you". You're not being judgmental not even giving an opinion just stating what you heard any true parent would jump on that and be 100% open-minded and honestly look into the situation. I know I would if my bff came to me and said DD was talking about that I would ask the teachers for the papers and Google away! If I found to be true I myself would report her plagiarism (sp!); make her redo it and ground her butt to the wall! But I don't have a Nanny either and VERY VERY hands on w/DD.

And I also agree that he was just being a bratty 15yr old and BOY at that and just trying to get your "goat". You would honestly know if the kid thought murder was OK by now!!

But take it with a grain of salt and yes I would make an anonymous call to the school let them know there are students plagiarizing papers from websites.

[clarkestep]

I used to be a nanny before getting married. I would say that while the children are under YOUR care, you have the responsibility to INFORM THE PARENT of ANYTHING that you think may harm them. It is your job to protect those children when the parent is paying you to do so/or has left them in your care.

This being said, it is NOT your responsibility to contact the child's school or teacher, it is the parent's responsibility. You need to inform them of what the child has shared with you, or what you over heard the child say to another. What the parent does is his/her business. Chances are, the kid told you things he'd never tell Mom and Dad. And Mom and Dad need to know what their child is doing.

Just my opinion.

[lillyun]

I used to be a nanny before getting married. I would say that while the children are under YOUR care, you have the responsibility to INFORM THE PARENT of ANYTHING that you think may harm them. It is your job to protect those children when the parent is paying you to do so/or has left them in your care.

This being said, it is NOT your responsibility to contact the child's school or teacher, it is the parent's responsibility. You need to inform them of what the child has shared with you, or what you over heard the child say to another. What the parent does is his/her business. Chances are, the kid told you things he'd never tell Mom and Dad. And Mom and Dad need to know what their child is doing.

Just my opinion.

I agree with this!

[mama22qts]

I think you will be seriously overstepping your bounds if you tell the school. You should mention it to the parents, but from there it should be their call. If you told the school and the parents somehow found out you'd told the school, they'd see it as going over their heads and that would NOT be appreciated.

[scentednights2002]

I would mention it to the parents. It's their responsibility to take it from there.

Frankly, I'd be really curious how a 10th grade or younger (since it's been happening for a while) child has the disposable income to purchase this? Also, how does he have the unsupervised computer time to do such a thing?

Obviously his parents are rich since they have a nanny and sadly I know a number of people who believe that money solves their problems or their inconveniences.

[MaryMary]

If what this kid says is true he is pretty talented.
To go through 10 grades and never read the required book AND having passing grades on these subjects is an achivement.
He is a double talented if he writes acceptable reports for other students with other teachers then his own, if one teacher can be incompetent or super permissive, another has to be normal.
He is creative to search the net for something he wants.
I highly doubt he'll steal if given a chance. OK, may be a few bucks from mom's purse.

But if you ask my opinion, I'd say he is normal bratty kid who read the books and does other homework, but wants his image the way he presented it.