Should I be responsible for what DD forgets to bring to school??

[mama22qts]

My dd has inherited my scatter-brainedness. Poor child. I've always been here there and yonder, but in later years I've gotten better. I still have trouble with my keys though.

DD is 8 and in the third grade. The child forgets everything under the sun. I can't tell you how many homework assignments have been completed the morning they are due because she forgot to bring them home the night before. Today I got a call from her piano teacher who tells me that for the last THREE weeks she's forgotten to bring her music books!

And I have been asking this child EVERY Wednesday morning 'do you have your music books?' "Yes mama."

I do well with permission forms, money, etc for both of my guys.

Today DD also forgot her canned food for the drive at school. Heck the child has ridden off without her backpack before! We've lost a fleece at school. Party invitations have gone missing.

It's not like I've hung the child out to dry -- I remind her of everything that I know about. But I do expect that when I tell her to put her piano books in her backpack, she will go do it. And when I ask if she has them, I guess I assume she'll check before saying yes?!??!

So am I to be responsible for making sure this child has everything she needs every morning? If so, do y'all have a system of getting everyone packed and out the door that works really well for you?

DS who is a year younger, never forgets anything. Blows my mind, but that baby has everything he needs, every day. Thank goodness cause two scatterbrained kids would make me nuts.

Any suggestions? I'm thinking that maybe I need a second set of piano books at home so she can leave one at school -- but would that be encouraging her behavior?

[chriscree]

My two boys were like that also all it took was ten minutes to make my life easier... 5 minutes before bed they have to stack their items for the next day books,checks,permission forms etc on the kitchen table...the next morning 5 minutes before we walk out the door they have to double check that they have everything...ten minutes... we also have no tv during this time. That was my biggest enemy the TV...

[lmcconne]

Talk about differences. Growing up, us kids were responsible for ourselves. Don't remember mama reminding us about anything. We were the ones who solely suffered the consequences.

[brixtonrileightaylor]

i feel for you...i am a total scatterbrain..i lose purses, drivers licenses etc quite frequently. my dd also 8 has the same issues..if i don't remind her in the morning *if i even remember myself* she will forget it. whatever the it happens to be that morning

[AshburnMom]

It's hard isn't it? My kids are still little (3 and 18mon) but I'm already getting sick of telling them certain things over and over. I feel for you!

My sister got creative when dealing w/this with her two girls: she started charging them a fee!! If she found their stuff still on the floor or that ODD hadn't put her retainer back in - she'd tell them they had to pay her .50 or $1. That seemed to really help!

It's not really clear from your post what you think is getting in the way of her remembering. Is she getting distracted? Counts on you doing it for her? Understanding that would help in choosing an "intervention".

Maybe you could have a chart - a visual reminder of what she has to do. And rewards and consequences for how well she does. Like she has to earn tv time by getting 3 stars or if she forgets something she loses a star. You could remind her but she'd be responsible for the outcome. Good luck!

[mum2hba]

As a kid when I took piano lessons, if I didn't practice or forgot my piano books I would have to pay for that weeks lesson. That was a great motivator for me to practice and remember my books. I only had to pay for 1 or 2 lessons.
I am a piano teacher, and if I had a student who repeatedly forgot their books; I would most likely have a backup of my own. I would encourage the student to take responsibility to bring their books. I teach lessons in my home, so it's not usually not an issue, but does come up occasionally.

[puakinikini]

I hear your pain. Our oldest DS needs constant reminding about everything. I feel for him because he is at our house 50% of the time and his mom's the other half - but it gets frustrating when he constantly does not have what he needs. We have a checklist at our house of things he needs to take with him when he is going to his mom's house - cell phone, ipod, backpack, school work/projects, piano books, tennis shoes. That has really helped. I put a dry erase board on our door that leads out to the garage where we post reminders. We also require that he verifies that he has a particular item when we ask - b/c he often says "yes" automatically without making sure he has it. Our problem is that he has no such system at his mom's house and she clearly does not remind him b/c every week he is missing at least 1 item (usually piano books).

[jonjaktez]

I dont' think you're responsible but I do think she needs a back-up to help her with her being in the 3rd grade. She's still little and learning.

Chriscee has a good plan. Try that.

Now once she's in the 6th grade, it's sink or swim.

[Macaela25]

My child is only 2, so we don't have this issue (yet).

My suggestion as a teacher:

Unless something is life/death/major grade, don't intervene and let her face the consequences. Forgot your lunch at home? Eat a yucky school lunch. Forgot your homework? Zero grade for you and a punishment at home. Left her sweater? Unless it's freezing out, don't intervene. Better yet, ask if she can simply stay inside during recess/PE. I bet she'll remember next time. Natural consequences are the best teachers.

As a former scatterbrain:

I would forget my name without my lists. Make a chart or list as a PP said, and go over it with her step by step each morning, for each item she needs, as long as it takes to break the problem. It's a time investment, but it will save you time and headache later.
My childhood friend's mom (8 kids) had a huge poster on the front door: "Do you have your homework? Lunch money? Make your bed? Kiss your mother?" You get the idea.

I have a hanging vertical sweater organizer that has six "cubbies". We currently use it to put DS' school clothes out for the week, but we will probably eventually use it to organize papers/books/snacks/folders etc for the week for school. Might be an idea for you.

I love the piano lesson idea. Make her pay for the wasted lesson she can't take because she doesn't have the books.

[mama22qts]

I thought about the paying for the lesson thing. Only thing is she only gets a tiny allowance and the lessons are almost $20/week! She's still getting her lesson; this month they've only been working on their recital piece. She's not been able to move ahead, though. I like the before bed thing, and I think I will try before breakfast 5 minutes too.

I'm totally up for other suggestions too though!!