HELP - 1st grader who will NOT do her work

[lbrown1618]

I scanned the various boards, and this seemed the best place to post this, if not please move.

I have a 6 yr old daughter in first grade. She is quite intelligent and smarter than many others her age. She is also very independant and hard-headed.

I am having major issues with her in school. She has been in school now for 6 weeks and still refuses to complete her assignments in class. She is given more than ample time, all the other children are finishing, and she knows HOW to do the work. She receives a punishment and reward system from her teacher as well as at home.

Her teacher has consulted with other teachers and none of them has ever had this particular issue with a child. So they and DH and I are at a loss.

They do not think she has ADHD.
Her hearing and eyes have tested fine.
As I said, she does know how to do the work she is given.
There are no issues at home to distract her.

I considered a power struggle (testing her boundaries) as she had done this with her preK and Kindergarten teachers. But those both passed within the 1st 2 weeks once she saw she wasn't gonna win the battle.

She loses recess and fun time at school - and is not allowed treats or to play at home. And is offered a treat for actually DOing her work as an incentive. And we make a big deal on the days she comes home without a dreaded "bad note" (tho theres only been TWO of those days)

She even went so far last Monday as to HIDE her homework so we would think she did it. This is a pretty advanced thought process for a 6 yr old...but she took the note that we have to sign off the work and trashed it....hid her work who-knows-where...and then put it BACK in her folder before entering class the next day. I know for a fact 100% that she was sent to school with an empty folder.

She otherwise seems to enjoy school, has friends, likes her teacher.

What is wrong with my daughter?? I'm so sad and depressed over this. I'm afraid she is going to grow up hating school because she'll associate it with getting in trouble.:frown:

[lmcconne]

I'm sure you and the teacher have questioned her. What is the response? Also, does she get in trouble for the lies she tells?

[jkelstaten]

to me it sounds as if she is trying to get attention. For some kids, even negative attention is something they would act out to get. When my middle daughter feels like she needs extra attention (some kids need much more than others, so even if she is getting a normal amount of attention, she may need more...that's how my dd is) she will start dong things she knows without a doubt are wrong. She does it so that we will be focused on her instead of the other girls. The problem with that is that sometimes you can't just ignore the action.

Depending on how strong willed she is, you may want to remove her from any extra-curricular activities she is in and tell her that she can only be involved in those things if she can show you for an entire quarter that she will do her work (and do it to the best of her ability). Then every night I would sit down with her and work through her homework. (See if her teacher will e-mail you a list of what she is supposed to be doing each night). Then you can assess if it's really because she's being stubborn or if there is another problem in the mix. You can also "test" her when she's not expecting it to be sure that she understands the concepts that she is learning. Give her word problems in reference to life skills things.

THere's also a big chance that she's bored. Have you taken an opportunity to observe her in class? See what the interaction is between her teacher and her. Is she receiving adequate instruction and one-on-one attention? These are things you might not be able to assess without being in the classroom. Does she have other teachers for "electives" that she relates better with? Does she also have problems doing her work with those teachers? That would help you determine if it's the teacher herself that the struggle is with.

Just some suggestions. I don't claim to know it all and we do homeschool, so we have a bit of a different situation than you.

[purplefdu]

I quit doing my reading homework in the 6th grade when we moved to SC and my teacher was a bible thumper and mention Jesus at least five times each class....I was labeled as Gifted and Talented somewhere back in the 1st grade in So Cal. I did all my other homework, even Social Studies (I hate names and dates). After the prinicpal contacted my parents my mom told him the problem was at school as I didn't have an issue with any otehr class and did my homework at home, but not Reading-which is one of my fave subjects.

So I vote for attention as well. Make time to do her homework every night. Set a timer so eery day at say 4pm for 20mins you do homework with her. Don't take phone calls, talk to any other kids, make dinner, etc. Just time for you and the child to do work.

Continue punishment if she refuses. Don't make a big deal about it. Don't talk about how she's a "bad girl" or mention it to every family member and friend. Punish her and explain it when the decision is amde, but don't make it a big deal. Say "because you didn't do your homework you will not get dessert or TV time" and let that be the end of it.

Also possibly watch if she's bored in school. It may not explain everything but it coud be part of the problem. Nothing is worse than having to learn at a slower pace when you are smart.

[MaryMary]

My back then 2-nd grader went as far as trying to sign for me. Her teacher noted to me at parent teacher conference that latest signatures were made by not sure hand, but he thought it was grandma's.. No, we never had grandma live with us...

You need to establish very close ties with her teacher, to work closely with him/her. IMO, it is partially an attention seeking, partially some anxieties, partially power struggles. Is this school new to her? did you try to talk to her if she likes her new teacher? Young kids are very emotional, will go miles for someone they like even for hardest subject and be very stubborn for someone seemed mean or not interesting to them.

You've mentioned that her boundaries were established in 1-2 weeks in kindergarden, what went wrong this year? Try to consult her last year teacher who was able to fing a "key" to your DD.

IMO, the good way to trick her into doing what she suppose to is to dare her: "I do not think you can do it. Show me how you're doing it and then we'll read (play, cook, talk, etc. whatever she likes the best) together."

Do not make a big deal out of her non-compliance, just show your disappointment and how upset you are. Tell her you'll always love her, but now you do not like her behavior, will see how far she'll go to please you.

I'm assuming she knows how to do the work, just do not want to do it by some reason..

[bessiemae]

Oh, if only there was an instruction manual and warranty. I agree with some of the ops about her being bored. When I was in 1st grade I wouldn't do my work and I guess was basically acting like a baby. Well. the principal wanted to have me tested to see if I had learning disabilities. They tested me and found that I fell into the gifted range. No one had ever asked me why I was acting this way. According to my mother, I finally explained to her that if they were going to treat me like a baby, then I would act like one. The class work was coloring in the alphabet and I was way beyond that.

Anyway, what works for one kid doesn't work for the other. My youngest son drove me crazy with the homework thing and I wish I knew what the key was to get him to do it. He just had a mind of his own and I was never able to crack that code.

[Pitamom]

What is wrong with my daughter?? I'm so sad and depressed over this. I'm afraid she is going to grow up hating school because she'll associate it with getting in trouble.:frown:

I don't think anything is wrong with your daughter. In fact she sounds like my dd, many moons ago. A lot of the things you mentioned are traits of Gifted and Talented children.

They put so much pressure on themselves to be perfect and do things right, that it takes them forever to complete a task. And, once they hand it over to the teacher, they are no longer in control of it. The teacher will grade it or correct it. If they don't get 'star' on it, it reaffirms to the child they could have done better.

I would suggest you talk with the teacher. If your dd is learning the material, I would try to lighten her load. Allow her to go out for recess, release some of the stress she maybe feeling. If she has to bring the work home to finish it, limit the amount of time she can spend on the assignment.

It takes some time to balance it out. You're right, you don't want her hating school and you don't want her doing less than her best. But her best doesn't have to be perfect. She is only 6, she needs a balance of school and fun. I never really understood homework. How many of us would want to go home every night and have to think about work? Isn't it the same for these lil guys?:shrug7:IMO

[lbrown1618]

I'm sure you and the teacher have questioned her. What is the response? Also, does she get in trouble for the lies she tells?

When I ask her why she doesn't do her work in class, her eply is "I Don't know", or "I didn't know". That is pretty much her standard reply for something she doesn't want to talk about anymore. I've tried all different ways to get a real answer and haven't succeeded

[lbrown1618]

She DOES have homework time each day, as soon as she gets home she has to do her homework before she can do anything else. And I (or hubby) DO sit with her while she finishes to keep her focused.

I fully agree she could be bored with the material as she already knows it....like her thinking is "why should I bother wasting my time on this since its stuff I know." But the fact is, that IS her work and she has been told it needs to be done in class just like every other child.

But how would it be fair to ask the teacher to lighten her workload and not the other kids in class? Perhaps she needs to move up a grade??? But I've heard so many horrible accounts of kids who were moved up. And she has friends from KG in her class, she wouldn't have any if she moved up.

She DOES like her teacher and gets along with her, she just won't do her work. Her teacher already consulted with her KG and PS teachers to see how they worked with her. And she is currently trying to consult with a "team" of teachers who travel within the district to see what they have to say.

I would so love to sit in on a class, and the teacher has invited us to. I can't as I work during school hours (and I'm in heating & cooling which its our busy season right now, can't get time off). Hubby is going to work out a day to do this.

Her teacher HAS gone thru the work with her one-on-one a couple times....but she simply can't do that all the time with 18 other kids in class.

[jkelstaten]

Her teacher HAS gone thru the work with her one-on-one a couple times....but she simply can't do that all the time with 18 other kids in class.

I would have to respectfully disagree. If the teacher is not taking time several times a week to sit down with each child (18 is a small class btw), then she is really not planning very well. She doesn't have to baby your daughter or hold her hand though the assignments, but she should be giving them more attention than they receive from the front of the classroom. Those are the times that the teacher can more accurately assess what needs to be done with each child. My SIL is a 5th grade teacher (in a very poor school district) and she develops a plan each week that will allow her to give each child the one-on-one attention that they need and develops lesson plans to reach a variety of skill levels. She has kids that can barely read along with advanced learners in her class and she is able to ensure that each child is receiving instruction that they need and feel challenged as well. This is not only her doing, but every teacher in their school is required to do that.

To me, it sounds like the teacher is trying to place the blame on your dd for her own short-comings. If your child is bored she should not be doing the same work that everyone else is doing. She should either be doing more advanced assignments or joining another class for subjects she is excelling in. Every child is different. They should not all be doing cookie-cutter work. The truth is, if you dd really knows the work already, she should not have to do it again and should not be punished for it. That's not to say she shouldn't do anything. She should be given something else to do. She doesn't have to be completely moved up a grade, but might be allowed the opportunity to join the 2nd graders for math or reading. Then she can become comfortable with that group of kids and if she really needs to move up then she won't be doing it cold turkey. Growing up we had a system like that in our school and you had to keep a certain "gpa" to stay in the advanced classes. It was an incentive to try our hardest because we knew that we were being rewarded with more difficult classes and we didn't want to mess up that privilege.