Son with Autism
Posted 05-29-2008 at 09:14:14 AM by queenofthehivemomof5
I don't know really where to start this blog post but I guess I will just start by saying that my son, Parker, went though evaluations at his pre-school (he goes to a pre-school run by the county) and the testing has come back that he has Autism. Now my daughter Hannah (11) was diagnosed early this year with Asperger's and it took me quite some time to come to terms with that, and to be totally honest I kind of saw it coming down the pipes for Parker that he would be Asperger's as well but I guess I was not prepared for Autism since there is such a negative connotation associated with it.
Parker is a joy of a child, very loving, cuddly, likes to be around people, he talks, sings, runs, skips and all the things that 5 year olds do. On the other hand he is brilliant and does do some peculiar things. He has been reading since he was 3, can write at a 3rd grade level, he picks up foreign languages, know all the States in the US and thier capital, knows all the stars in the solar system, and has taught himself most of the periodic table of elements by reading his 16 year old sisters science book. He gets excited when a new phone book comes and will sit and read it for hours, he is especially enthralled with maps. So OK, I know that is a bit weird.
The biggest issues are his social skills. He is a bit of a loner. He wants to play with other children but tends to not understand how to just get in there and play, so instead he goes off to play by himself or if his brother and sister are around he plays with them. He get frustrated pretty easily and we used to have a problem when he was 2 with head banging (till his head would bleed from the knot he created on his forehead by banging it on the wall or tables when he was upset) this has mostly stopped but he still does it from time to time. You tell him no and he goes and thrashes his head on the floor or table. We don't give in...so it is not just a temper tantrum...I don't know why he does that.
The school says that he does not make eye contact, and for me that is a hard one to evaluate. Maybe I just don't pay attention in our day to day life. You know you talk to your kids but sometimes they are across the room and your not looking to see if they make eye contact. The only time I make sure he looks me in the eye is after time outs when I am explaining what he did wrong and why we don't do that.
He also has trouble with answering WH and How questions. Something we are working on.
He is also not potty trained at 5 and that worries me but we are making good progress on it. But we have been trying for the last 2 1/2 years and it really seemed that he just did not understand that he was going. We would let him go naked for a bit in the house and he would just pee on the floor and not even notice he was going or had just went. I don't know if it is a sensory issue but he really just did not seem to get it. But like I said we are making some progress.
They say that some of the most brilliant minds have autism or asperger's and that is reassuring to know I guess. Because my little boy sure is a joy and is so smart and in a way I get him. I was a gifted child in school but painfully shy. And I see some of the traits in myself that the school says are traits of autism/aspergers. Things my kids do to cope I do as well. I tune people out by reading a book (drives my ADD husband up the walls!), I have a hard time making friends in real life (mostly because I am shy I think) but the friends that I do have I have had forever...like since Jr high/high school. I don't transition well...its not that I throw a tantrum when I need to go to another task but it is more that I feel compelled to finish something all the way before I can start on something else (I'm not a great multitasker)
So anyways, this is frustrating. I am trying to look on the positive side in that perhaps by getting some intervention now this will help Parker become a successful person in life. But sometimes I just want to say "hey my kids are a little weird, they are really smart, and socially behind a little...who cares?" I have a "social butterfly" in my 16 year old and I can tell you I would MUCH rather have a bookworm than a child who's world revolves around what everyone thinks of her. LOL
Any other moms/dads of Autism kids/Asperger's kids that can relate or provide some insight?
Parker is a joy of a child, very loving, cuddly, likes to be around people, he talks, sings, runs, skips and all the things that 5 year olds do. On the other hand he is brilliant and does do some peculiar things. He has been reading since he was 3, can write at a 3rd grade level, he picks up foreign languages, know all the States in the US and thier capital, knows all the stars in the solar system, and has taught himself most of the periodic table of elements by reading his 16 year old sisters science book. He gets excited when a new phone book comes and will sit and read it for hours, he is especially enthralled with maps. So OK, I know that is a bit weird.
The biggest issues are his social skills. He is a bit of a loner. He wants to play with other children but tends to not understand how to just get in there and play, so instead he goes off to play by himself or if his brother and sister are around he plays with them. He get frustrated pretty easily and we used to have a problem when he was 2 with head banging (till his head would bleed from the knot he created on his forehead by banging it on the wall or tables when he was upset) this has mostly stopped but he still does it from time to time. You tell him no and he goes and thrashes his head on the floor or table. We don't give in...so it is not just a temper tantrum...I don't know why he does that.
The school says that he does not make eye contact, and for me that is a hard one to evaluate. Maybe I just don't pay attention in our day to day life. You know you talk to your kids but sometimes they are across the room and your not looking to see if they make eye contact. The only time I make sure he looks me in the eye is after time outs when I am explaining what he did wrong and why we don't do that.
He also has trouble with answering WH and How questions. Something we are working on.
He is also not potty trained at 5 and that worries me but we are making good progress on it. But we have been trying for the last 2 1/2 years and it really seemed that he just did not understand that he was going. We would let him go naked for a bit in the house and he would just pee on the floor and not even notice he was going or had just went. I don't know if it is a sensory issue but he really just did not seem to get it. But like I said we are making some progress.
They say that some of the most brilliant minds have autism or asperger's and that is reassuring to know I guess. Because my little boy sure is a joy and is so smart and in a way I get him. I was a gifted child in school but painfully shy. And I see some of the traits in myself that the school says are traits of autism/aspergers. Things my kids do to cope I do as well. I tune people out by reading a book (drives my ADD husband up the walls!), I have a hard time making friends in real life (mostly because I am shy I think) but the friends that I do have I have had forever...like since Jr high/high school. I don't transition well...its not that I throw a tantrum when I need to go to another task but it is more that I feel compelled to finish something all the way before I can start on something else (I'm not a great multitasker)
So anyways, this is frustrating. I am trying to look on the positive side in that perhaps by getting some intervention now this will help Parker become a successful person in life. But sometimes I just want to say "hey my kids are a little weird, they are really smart, and socially behind a little...who cares?" I have a "social butterfly" in my 16 year old and I can tell you I would MUCH rather have a bookworm than a child who's world revolves around what everyone thinks of her. LOL
Any other moms/dads of Autism kids/Asperger's kids that can relate or provide some insight?
Total Comments 13
Comments
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what is the difference between autism or asperger's. I have just recently started hearing about aspergers and was not sure what that entails.
sorry I can't provide any insight except to say that all kids are odd in their own way and it is cool. We don't want a bunch of cloned perfect robot running around.
Hugs to you!Posted 05-29-2008 at 09:42:02 AM by JANE4girls
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good question...Im not 100% sure what the difference is. I know that aspbergers in under the 'Autism spectrum" but there are certain things that autistic kids do/have that aspberger kids don't....beats me really as to what those things are.
Both of my kids are
- Very smart (reading, writing, math at much more above grade level)
- Lack in social skill (blunt, hard time making friends, but are not mean or violent)
- Have a hard time transitioning from one task to another
- Do not have a grasp of make belive and prefer concrete facts and items (no barbie dolls or pretending they are firemen)
- Hannah is very disorganized and loses everything. Parker is too young I think to be organized or to evaluate that.Posted 05-29-2008 at 11:35:34 AM by queenofthehivemomof5 - omg...you just described me to a "T", lol...except the make believe.
I make believe there is the perfect man out there for me, lol
Posted 05-29-2008 at 12:25:48 PM by JANE4girls - I am sure there is the perfect man out there for you...maybe one day a secret admirer of your blog, someone fun, frugal, and thrify will find you!Posted 05-29-2008 at 05:47:52 PM by queenofthehivemomof5
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It pretty much sounds like Autism but im don't know much about it..just that when i was in kindergarten they told my mom that they wanted to hold me back a year and that i have autism.
Now im perfectly fine lol thing is. im a loner and i DID have problems with eye contact took me years to get better at it..i think i was 15when i started working that eye contact was a must.
I didn't raise my hand or try to answer questions ill just shrug and pay attention to something else which is why they thought they should hold me back. I had no social skillz and being the last of six kids thats hard to believe.
I also had high math skillz and counted things repeatly (i was bored lol) I also had a time i banged my head but im not sure what age that was..all i know it was because no one understood me not really sure why i did felt good except the headach afterwards lol
I just want to warn you and others seek a second opinion about anything never just believe the schooldistrict.
also i was diagnosed with bipolar when i was 14, i took medication for it. today i have no trace of it and its not even on my medical record.Posted 05-29-2008 at 06:25:35 PM by lifeskills13 -
What worries me is that you describe my 2 yo DS exactly. We are working now with an early interventionist because he is making no attempt to talk. Everyone keeps talking around certain issues and I am worried that it may be this. I know he is still young but he has been working with the early interventionist for months now and has not made any progress in his speech. He also would rather play with his toys alone. He also throws horrible horrible violent tantrums over the smallest things. He is my first child, so right now I just assume that all 2 year olds act like that. On a positive note, he has picked up a couple of signs (we were told that it is easy for kids this age to pick up on sign language) so that at least is showing progress.
I am sorry that they have given your son a label. He sounds exactly like my DS and although the tantrums are horrendous, he is still the sweetest boy I know.Posted 05-29-2008 at 06:59:17 PM by oscamaya - thanks for the imput.
A few more comments
Headbanging - it scared me when he did it to the point where he was bleeding. I took him to the dr and he said that he had no proof of it but in his 30+ years of practice he noticed that really smart kids did the head banging thing. LOL
Tantrums - He does not really throw tantrums. We he does not get what he wants or is asked to do something else (transitioning from one task to the next) he usually either tells you "no thank you" over and over again or if that does not work he whines. Only occasionaly does he still bang his head. Time Outs can really fustrate him and he will bang his head on the corner or on the stairs (our two naughty spots)
While I have heard that speach delays are common in autistic children that did not seem to be a problem with Parker. He started talking (mama/dada) at 7 months old and has progressed in his speach at a normal rate I would say.
As far as getting a second opinion...Im not even sure where or who you go to see and get a second opinion. Its not like they can do a blood test and tell me "yep he has it" Do you go to your pediatrician? A Physcologist?Posted 05-29-2008 at 08:13:52 PM by queenofthehivemomof5 - I am sure the pediatrician could recommend someone.Posted 05-29-2008 at 08:38:47 PM by oscamaya
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My son has a condition called Idic 15--a duplicate 15th chromosome. Some of the issues that accompany this disorder are mental & physical retardation (he's 21 months and not walking yet), speech issues, seizure activity and autistic behaviors and tendencies. So while he's not autistic per se, I feel for you. The only behaviors I've seen so far are some stimming behaviors-socially he seems to be doing fine.
I will say that one of the areas I'm most fearful of is the delayed potty training. I've read of idic 15 kids being 8 or 9 and still not potty trained. That really fuels my diaper hoarding habit, lol. Autism is a spectrum and your kid can land anywhere on it, just because he's on the spectrum doesn't mean he can't have a seemingly normal life. There was an Asperger's girl in my section at school, and for the first 3 months, I didn't even know she had it.
There definitely is a period of mourning, that's completely normal. What helped me get through it was realizing that the losses I was mourning were my losses, not his. He doesn't know life any different. As long as he is happy in life, I'm happy. I had a friend with a special needs kid tell me that you mourn a little each day. At the time it gave me permission to mourn & be sad, and that was good. Then one day I realized--mourn every day? Really? It's not bad enough I have a special needs child, now I have to be sad every day too? No thanks! It's now who I was before his Dx, so it's not who I'm going to be after.
Keep communicating with your husband--I think husbands take this harder. And 80% of all couples with an autistic child get divorced--that's a lovely statistic, huh? Just make sure you & dh are on the same page as far as what you want for your son.
As far as second opinions, I would contact a pediatric psychologist as well as the school district/intermediate unit. If he's over 3, he's too old for Early Intervention.
Ok, it's early and I'm rambling. Hang in there, it does get better. You can contact me privately if you wish.Posted 05-30-2008 at 03:52:09 AM by ~~Who,Me?~~ - I was talking with my mom this AM about all of this and she helped me a bit (mommies do that). She was telling me about a family member who is also Autistic (I have not seen them since they were just an infant) and she said that he has some real behavior problems, I wont go into them all here but they are pretty scary) and something she said is that we have a lot of stucture in our home and that probably really helps Parker and Hannah, where as my family member who is austic runs the household and has little stucture at home.
And I guess for kids like mine I do feel pretty confident that the routines and structure we have at home is good for them. We have pretty set rules, discipline, bedtimes, playtimes, TV times, video game times (weekends only for the Wii), and meal times.
I have asked the evaluators to like show me or explain to me where on the spectrum my kids fall and they seem to not understand what I am asking them. But I see this specturm as an arc...so where on this arc do my kids fall. Are they way out there? Or are they pretty close to "normal", what ever THAT is.
Im not normal either...thank God for that!Posted 05-30-2008 at 07:08:27 AM by queenofthehivemomof5 - Kingofthehive is doing fine with this so far. He has a hard time understanding what it all means just like I do and thinks Parker is a cool little kid so its hard for him to see what the school is saying. We have been together for 17 years and through thick and thin and we have pretty good communication. Im not too worried about that. I have a good man there. :)Posted 05-30-2008 at 07:11:20 AM by queenofthehivemomof5
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i'm Heidi i have an 18 year old with autism high functioning yet he has the mentally 5 years old. he has alot of problems with agitation, tantrums, and all got worse at the teen years. Matthew loves word search puzzles. life with an autistic child is a hard and big challenge.
asbergers is a form of autism.
my 3 year old Jonah has started showing a few sighns yet nothing close to matthew. over the years i was told matthew could have been better if he had been dignosed correctly younger he was 8 when we finnally got him dignosed. so i took my 3 year old and this specialist peds dr felt the signs were more explained by abuse so now i have to take all my kids in for complete X-rays and MIR's the thing is i have an autistic child and i know the signs yet this doctor oviously doesn't. yet because i want to get jonah help i've got to be a bad parent.
sorry about parker but he sound more asbergers than full autism to me. my 18 year old is high funtioning autism and he can't even cross the street alone.Posted 12-04-2009 at 01:54:17 PM by momzoo7 -
I am an IEP Special Education Facilitator. I have worked with a few students with some type of Autism in the Autism Spectrum. I love working with students with Aspergers. They are extremely intellegent and usually have a perfectly normal life. One of my seniors, a 3.8 GPA student, says that they only thing that bothers him is that no one understands his condition. He wants to shout it to the world so everyone understands. A few months ago, his History teacher came to me complaining that he could not teach the class because this particular student, he would keep correcting and interrupting him. LOL This teacher was upset because he was teaching the wrong information and this child was smarter than he was. I had to chuckle. This particular student also has social issues. He has 2 really good friends and trusts only them. It took me 2 years to gain his trust. He blows up (like a 2 year old) if he is trying to get his point accross and he feels no one is listening, medication and a psychologist helps him to control this. HE IS DOING GREAT AND WILL BE STARTING COLLEGE IN JUNE 10. I say believe the school district to a certain extent. YOU MUST BE AN ADVOCATE FOR YOUR CHILD. Learn as much as you can about the condition and teach him accordingly. Make sure they are giving him what he needs or fight for it (you have rights). Be sure that he has a structured environment, because that's when the behavior starts. You will do fine...if you're a couponer and run this blog, your organized. Good luck and god bless. If you have any questions about Special Education Law or you don't understand a certain part, please let me know. I can maybe help. www.wrightslaw.com is also a very good website to learn from.Posted 01-09-2010 at 08:40:01 AM by twinmommyboyz
