family
Posted 02-02-2009 at 08:03:19 AM by hburmeister
First WK of Jan 2009, is it going to be a better year?
so, while at my local walgreens, 3 people i used to know walked up to me. i had spotted them already and was heading to the beauty counter to pay and leave. i got trapped and caught. by that time i had decided to quit running. and i knew i couldn't be rude even though i always plan out what i would want to say, but i never do. i loved her very much then as i still do. her daughter is a different story but i still couldn't be rude not even to her. i listened as it seemed she wanted to talk more than listen to anything i might have to say which was MORE than fine by me. she sort of brought me up to speed on her life the past 10 years (quick like) and i really felt for her. i was happy to have decided to give her the time of day and what must have been at least an hour of my time. it was worth it. it remiended me how much i still care for her. i 4got 2 say a prayer for her last night like i had said i would so i will have to do it 2night. i was so tired when i got in bed that i didn't really remember everything. i will say it tongiht. so anyway, i directed the majority of my energy and attention to her and not her daughter. her daughters spouse took off somewhere and wandered the store. didn't see him for a long time. at some point he came bk around and appeared like he was just checking in on them or something. there were a couple of different times during our conversation that she had heavy tears in her eyes. i understood and even felt her pain as i shared it also. she asked if i was happy and i told her yes. she said, as she held my arm, you wouldn't lie to me hope would you? And i said no, there is a void in my life, a hole, and i am as happy as i can be until that is filled. once it is filled, my life will be complete. she knew exactly what i was talking about. i told her i have a good life (at least i don't get the crap beat out of me with a big rawhide dog bone and no, i am not ashamed to mention it anymore) that my daughter and i are happy.
The people i ran into was my ex-mom in law, her youngest daughter and her daughters husband. she said she has been down here since right before thanksgiving, seeing doctors and is now staying until march. I wish and really do hope for the best for her and ALL her family. May they all have a blessed new year!
EDIT: 01/01/09
I wish she weren't as scared of her son as i am. she seemed as genuine as she always have. i wish i'd have had more courage to ask more than 2 questions. but the pain got to be too heavy. i didn't want them to see how upset it makes me. i just hope she whispers in their ears that i asked. i hope that she tells them she could see the love and caring in my eyes for them. She kept telling her daughter "she thinks like we do doesn't she honey?", "she does like we do don't ya think?", things like that. It's those little things that tell me she still loves me and lets me know that she still cares and that she wished things could have been different. i know the pain in her eyes was for my children and I. she knew way back when... She knows now. I believe she was being honest me, as she always had been, when she said i looked good, skinny, but good. she wouldn't lie. she would try, if she thought she needed to, find a softer way of saying what she saw, thought, believed or otherwise if she thought it might hurt or offend you. She always knew I didn't mind the truth. She knew i could always count on her for it. If... If I thought i could go by and visit with her when her daughter wasn't there, i would. If anyone on her side of the family would listen to me, it would be her. I'm just so happy she still looked so good. she doesn't look like she has changed a bit! I can only hope to hold my looks like she can. I just wish the tears would go away. it seems to hurt more when they pour down your face. I think the pain is so much worse than it used to be......
so, while at my local walgreens, 3 people i used to know walked up to me. i had spotted them already and was heading to the beauty counter to pay and leave. i got trapped and caught. by that time i had decided to quit running. and i knew i couldn't be rude even though i always plan out what i would want to say, but i never do. i loved her very much then as i still do. her daughter is a different story but i still couldn't be rude not even to her. i listened as it seemed she wanted to talk more than listen to anything i might have to say which was MORE than fine by me. she sort of brought me up to speed on her life the past 10 years (quick like) and i really felt for her. i was happy to have decided to give her the time of day and what must have been at least an hour of my time. it was worth it. it remiended me how much i still care for her. i 4got 2 say a prayer for her last night like i had said i would so i will have to do it 2night. i was so tired when i got in bed that i didn't really remember everything. i will say it tongiht. so anyway, i directed the majority of my energy and attention to her and not her daughter. her daughters spouse took off somewhere and wandered the store. didn't see him for a long time. at some point he came bk around and appeared like he was just checking in on them or something. there were a couple of different times during our conversation that she had heavy tears in her eyes. i understood and even felt her pain as i shared it also. she asked if i was happy and i told her yes. she said, as she held my arm, you wouldn't lie to me hope would you? And i said no, there is a void in my life, a hole, and i am as happy as i can be until that is filled. once it is filled, my life will be complete. she knew exactly what i was talking about. i told her i have a good life (at least i don't get the crap beat out of me with a big rawhide dog bone and no, i am not ashamed to mention it anymore) that my daughter and i are happy.
The people i ran into was my ex-mom in law, her youngest daughter and her daughters husband. she said she has been down here since right before thanksgiving, seeing doctors and is now staying until march. I wish and really do hope for the best for her and ALL her family. May they all have a blessed new year!
EDIT: 01/01/09
I wish she weren't as scared of her son as i am. she seemed as genuine as she always have. i wish i'd have had more courage to ask more than 2 questions. but the pain got to be too heavy. i didn't want them to see how upset it makes me. i just hope she whispers in their ears that i asked. i hope that she tells them she could see the love and caring in my eyes for them. She kept telling her daughter "she thinks like we do doesn't she honey?", "she does like we do don't ya think?", things like that. It's those little things that tell me she still loves me and lets me know that she still cares and that she wished things could have been different. i know the pain in her eyes was for my children and I. she knew way back when... She knows now. I believe she was being honest me, as she always had been, when she said i looked good, skinny, but good. she wouldn't lie. she would try, if she thought she needed to, find a softer way of saying what she saw, thought, believed or otherwise if she thought it might hurt or offend you. She always knew I didn't mind the truth. She knew i could always count on her for it. If... If I thought i could go by and visit with her when her daughter wasn't there, i would. If anyone on her side of the family would listen to me, it would be her. I'm just so happy she still looked so good. she doesn't look like she has changed a bit! I can only hope to hold my looks like she can. I just wish the tears would go away. it seems to hurt more when they pour down your face. I think the pain is so much worse than it used to be......
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