February 6, 2008

Got a few minutes and an extra prayer?

I am very depressed and having a difficult time dealing w/everything that's going on. I don't think ANYTHING can help me or my family. It's not looking good and I am all out of answers. And right now, it seems that no one cares. No one at all.

We have until Feb. 17 to find somewhere to live or we are homeless and living on the streets w/the kids in our vehicles. There is no where for us to go. I just spent the last hr calling the American Red Cross, our Community Action, and our local welfare office and no one can help us. If our house had burned, that would've been another story. But since it's been flooded by "plumbing probs" and not an "act of God", there is NOTHING that anyone can do to help. And that's the bottom line.

A woman at the Red Cross told me that she understood the position of all the landlords we've called trying to find a place to temp. rent for a few mos. (which NO ONE wants to rent to us). And that right there is enough to make me wanna punch someone right in the face!

I am SO angry and SO hurt and SO desperate right now. I'm so sad. I feel like I'm losing control of my life.

And you know, I've considered trying to get in contact w/ABC (extreme home makeover) immediately to see if there's something they could do, but you know what? This kind of crap happens to ppl everyday and they are just tossed to the side. I just can't believe that this world has come to a stage where another person's life is so invaluable and no seems to be concerned at all w/another person's well-being. Let alone the fact that I've got 3 small kids.

I feel defeated and a failure. I feel like I can't care for my kids. I feel like I can't provide for them. I feel like a terrible mommy. All it seems that I do is yell. And I'm sure that's not the case, but I hate to yell at all. My fuse is lit so short and if it gets any shorter, I'm literally gonna explode. And as always, even typing this makes me feel lower than a snake's belly b/c literally, all it seems that I do on this board is moan, groan, complain and boo-hoo feel sorry for me.

I wish all of this crap didn't happen to us!!! I wish I was made of money!! I wish I could just walk away from everything and everyone and keep my wheels turning and go some place nice and warm w/sandy beaches and never come back. I'm sick of it all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!