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View Full Version : Dearest and I quit smoking today, wish us luck!



chitownmelli
12-09-2007, 07:47:07 AM
Well, we have been wanting to do it for a long time, we just haven't been brave enough to do it! I have been smoking for 12 years, and dearest, not quite as long. I smoke more as a nervous habit than anything, so I know that driving anywhere will be a challenge for me as I am easily irritated by other drivers. Also, we want to start heading up our bumpy and scary road to getting pregnant. It's very high risk to begin with, and after what I went through last year, I do not want to give my body another reason to hurt my feelings. (we lost a baby via ectopic pregnancy, and my other tube is also damaged, which is what makes this high risk, and i know that smoking increases the chances of it happening again) I allowed smoking to be something that calmed me while I was getting over that, which I know is a terrible thing to do, and I am glad that a year has passed and I am feeling so much better about it now.

So, I had my last smoke this morning at 6AM when dearest woke up to go to work. I let him take the last 2 with him. Neither of us will be buying any more after those 2 are gone. We will not be using the patch or any drugs or anything, just cold turkey for us. I have already begun over the past couple of weeks trying to make my cravings go away by relaxing and by using deep breathing exercises to help me (I am pretty high strung the way it is!) and I just remember that I am strong and can do anything I want to do. I picture how disgusting this habit of mine is, and imagine how bad my health can be if I continue doing it. And then I picture myself not smoking, and being healthy and happy, and playing with kids and all that great stuff! That works like a charm. After I put all of that energy into all that, I don't feel so much like smoking any more.

I am a little scared. I don't mind a challenge. I just hope that this isn't one of those things that from time to time feels like you just can't do it! I know I can do anything if I really want to, I also know what it feels like to REALLY want a cigarette! What a horrible feeling. Oh well, I have a partner in this, and I have all of you to help me along as well!

I plan on using this thread as sort of a "challenge diary." I will post our successes, as well as any particular challenges that we face with this. I will also be sure to post if we "slip." I think the only way to do this is to be accountable for actually getting it done, and I sure would feel bad if I had to tell all of you that after all of your support, I still couldn't do it.

I realize that once I hit the "submit new thread" button that this is official..... better get on with it then!


:excited8:

grammaof4andmore
12-09-2007, 08:27:51 AM
You have my heartfelt empathy! After around 35 years of smoking, I had my last cigarette on the way home from work on May 31, 2004 at 5PM. That was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I suppose it is the thing I am most proud of too.

What helped me the most was to remember that I was taking control of my life. Before I quit, cigarettes had controlled my life (where I went, when I went, who I went with, etc, etc, etc) Qitting is sooooo worth it!!

Good luck!!

queenofthehivemomof5
12-09-2007, 08:40:21 AM
Good luck! Its a hard habit to break, I know cause I smoke a little too when stressed and Im just not at that point yet.

Anways...good luck. You can do it!

love2cook
12-09-2007, 09:37:01 AM
Good for you and your husband! :BigHand: You both can do it! Stay strong - don't give in.

Find something to fill that void. I had a friend who quit and he found lollipops helped him get through - because it was the feeling of something in his mouth. I had another friend who chewed gum when they quit. So, find what works for you.

FLAZgirl
12-09-2007, 09:55:09 AM
Good for you!! Now you are really going to be racking up the savings! Both on monthly expenses and medical expenses. Plus, what an inspiration you may be to someone else to quit smoking. I used to smoke, but I quit when my daughter caught me smoking when she was five. I hid it from her, because I did not want to be an example to her to smoke. She was like, "Mom, you smoke?" And I said, "That's it, I'm done!" I did slip up a couple of times, but I didn't beat myself up, and throw in the towel, I just continued towards being a nonsmoker. I did it, you can too!! That was about nine years ago. Just keep looking to the positives sides of not smoking! Take up knitting or something to replace that habit when you are bored or stressing. Walking, or something.

derketchup
12-09-2007, 10:28:13 AM
I quit cold turkey 6 years ago!

Just remember that all it takes is 1 cigarette and you're a smoker again. I have cravings for cigarettes about once a year, even though it's been forever. Usually smelling a cold ash tray makes it go away though (gross)!

I strongly suggest either hard candy or gum (preferably sugar free), especially if you know that driving is going to be a challenge.

Good luck!

meems
12-09-2007, 10:45:47 AM
Wishing you all the best! I did the same, told everyone I could think of, it helps you to stay commited having to admit to so many if you fail!

I am coming up on my 11th month of being smoke free after a 30 year habit. I used every thing there was to help me though! Started with Chantix, praise the heck out of it, I wouldn't have been able to get that first nudge in w/o it! at 6 weeks I went through a VERY rough spell & grabbed some nicotrol inhalers someone had given me..well, it def got me over the hump, but now I'm still addicted to those...one's in my mouth as I type. BUT, Dr. said I can have those the rest of my life if I desire..no problem! What was amazing is my smokers hack went away within a week of quitting! No more stinkies...but, I do know I'm a junkie & can never have even one drag or I'll be back on them..I liked them too much!

chitownmelli
12-09-2007, 12:11:26 PM
Thanks everyone. I appreciate the support. I think I will take some of your suggestions. I really like certs mints or lifesaver mints, whatever is still around LOL! so maybe I will get some of those. I know one problem I will have is I LOVE to eat. ANd I do mean LOVE to eat, I actually enjoy the taste of food soooo much....... I don't want to gain a bunch of weight. I am happy with myself no matter what size I am, as long as I keep it steady till may 10th. We already have my wedding dress lol, and I do not want to have it altered!!!!! Yeah, so, mints and my housework will have to help keep me busy. I am curious to know how Korey is doing. On the plus side, Lowe's (where he works) is a non smoking company, you have to seriously leave the property on your lunch break if you wish to smoke, so at least for his sake, it is more convenient not to do it!

May as well report my progress as long as I am here. The only smokes in the house are a 2 week old stale pack of Newports that my friend left here. Trust me, not even thinkin about it LOL! I've had a few little cravings today, and I have been sipping water rather than thinking about smoking. I know that I do not want to smoke, and that this is just my body saying, HEY! IT'S TIME FOR MY FIX! Oh well, too bad, not gonna happen, I'm the boss. I know that today is not going to be as bad as the next few days when my body really get's ticked off at me! I am not going to worry about that though, I am just concentrating on today.

I'll check in again later or tomorrow. Hope I haven't pulled out all my hair by then, I just started my shampoo stockpile!!! ;)

kdownie
12-09-2007, 12:26:26 PM
Good luck to you both! You are doing a great thing for your health.

arubagirl
12-09-2007, 02:47:22 PM
good luck, just think how good food will taste and how much better you will feel. best of luck!

love2cook
12-09-2007, 04:26:05 PM
Food will probably taste even better to you now!!

Keep up the great work! Keep sipping water or sucking on mints or something!!

jonnysmomma
12-09-2007, 05:58:24 PM
If my hubby can do it, ANYONE can! He has been smoke free since Febuary!

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

Nicole
12-09-2007, 07:17:11 PM
http://www.pyzam.com/img/thumbs/g_340/graphics/other/MJZ310.gif (http://www.pyzam.com/graphics/details/1847)

billig
12-09-2007, 09:00:51 PM
Wow! Congratulations!
There's so much help out there now, find it where ever you can.

I haven't quit smoking...cuz I don't smoke. but I've used relaxing, meditation, etc and I think the best is Belleruth Naperstek.
Here's her website:
Belleruth Naparstek's Guided Imagery Cds & Tapes - Therapy and Meditation - Health Journeys (http://www.healthjourneys.com/)
I think you can get these through amazon too, not just her own website.

The best of luck to both of you.

MrsPinecone
12-10-2007, 07:07:06 AM
Good luck!

I quit when I got pg with the Pinenut, and also went cold turkey. It was rough breaking the habit-- the actual craving was gone in a few days, but the habit of reaching for one wasn't.

DH still smokes and it drives me up a wall.

love2cook
12-10-2007, 09:22:40 AM
I hope you are still doing well with this! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

chitownmelli
12-10-2007, 10:16:53 AM
Feeling cranky today. Haven't smoked, haven't bought cigarettes (that would take out of my CVS cash, which is like $6 this week LOL!) Dearest is annoying the crap out of me, so I am just spending time with my coupons until I have to leave for his mother's house to watch her daycare kids for a bit. The cravings are going away quickly, however, I think that not having the nicotine is what's making me feel so cranky. Oh well, I will get over it, I think I will feel better once Korey goes to work, I don't know why I am annoyed by everything he does today, I'm sure he is only trying to help. Better give him a break huh? :)

chitownmelli
12-11-2007, 08:19:45 AM
A little update this morning. I was mentioning to a friend last night that I felt like everyone who wasn't here on HCW with me was picking on me!!! I had a very trying day yesterday, and it was very difficult not to smoke. I didn't though. Neither did Korey. He did bite all of his nails off (ew, I got him to stop doing that like 2 years ago) I won't be giving him too much crap though, this is hard on him, too. Anyway, yesterday, some people truly were making life difficult, and they knew that I had a challenge for myself, and they really didn't make things any better. It always seems worse when a close, long time friend is not respectful of your feelings, though.

We are feeling pretty good today, I don't feel cranky and can breath a lot easier. Didn't have yucky morning mouth today, and didn't even think about going to the couch and grabbing a smoke first thing when I woke up! The only time I am getting cravings is when I am sitting at the computer. Just a habit to reach over and grab one. I will get over it!!!

One more day behind us! Thanks again everyone for your help!!!

billig
12-11-2007, 08:37:37 AM
You're doing great chitownmelli! don't give up!
When you're frustrated and you have time on your hands, try finding something fun to do, like watching an exciting movie or something. Occupy your mind with something more joyful. I don't blame you for being irritated by everything he does. He might be thinkin' the same thing about you.
And what about gum or toothpicks? Carrots, celery..crunchy thing.
Take a walk, eat some chocolate...hmmm
Do your favorite hobby. Call someone you like talking to, someone that makes you laugh alot.
Take a shower, rake leaves or snovel show.
If someone snipes at you just say:
"HEY, I'M TRYING TO RE-ROUTE MY NEURO-PATHWAYS, IF YOU DON'T MIND!"

chitownmelli
12-11-2007, 08:44:51 AM
lol! love it. i am trying all of those things, and I plan on trying harder today, I don't want to be cranky :) mmm chocolate, you have no idea how many dark hershey's bars I bought at Walgreen's a few weeks back!!!! I think if I need something to do, there will be plenty snow for me to shovel today --- seems like it started up again yesterday and hasn't stopped! This is part 3 of some snow that started a few days ago! Got exactly what I asked for, a big pile of snow! Thanks for the tips, I'm listening to everything that everyone says. It does help if I am having a craving if I hop on the computer and re read everyone's tips - it helps to pass the time until the craving is gone. Plus, I remember all of the people rooting for me!!! Go team!

billig
12-11-2007, 08:46:10 AM
And I forgot to add:
Anyone who's not supporting you just stay away from. I'm not talking about ending friendships here...some people just don't know how to support someone and may actually feel jealous that you're doing something hard that they can't do, then they do things to destroy you to bring you back down to their level. They can do this without even understanding that's what they're doing. Forgive them.
Some day the emotional temptation will be gone, and then you can deal with those people. Their mean-ness is their weakness, their issue.
There are millions of people who have quit smoking after decades of nicotine addiction. And you are joining them. You are not alone!

love2cook
12-11-2007, 01:57:33 PM
:wavehi: Just checking in to see how you are doing today! Hope things are going well! Hang in there!!!!!!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!! :wink7:

chitownmelli
12-11-2007, 03:02:46 PM
Doing great overall today! Only a few cravings. We were watching Harry Potter, and I normally will smoke while I watch a movie. I got myself some ribbon candy at CVS today. Not only does is smush my craving, it gives me a nice childhood memory too! I realized today that I think in some strange way, I liked smoking. What is so darned appealing about putting toxins in my body? Well, I do hope that it only continues to get better. I do understand that I did this to myself, and if withdrawal is what I have to go through in order to get better, fine. I just hope that I stay strong. And what am I talking about? I know that life doesn't throw things at us that we can't handle. (even if it seems like we can't sometimes)So, I will be checking in again, and I hope it's all great news next time LOL!

grammaof4andmore
12-11-2007, 06:17:54 PM
I found that I dreamed about smoking, I still do. :biggrin:

I always wake up horrified that I had a cigarette. And then I realize I didn't. LOL!

I do this also. LOL

For me, getting through the first day and night without a cigarette was the worst! After that, each day was a little easier.

You're doing great!!

Sugaree
12-11-2007, 06:26:21 PM
Just read some of your entries. You're doing great. I found that I dreamed about smoking & even though it's 15 years since I quit, I still do. :biggrin:

I always wake up horrified that I had a cigarette. And then I realize I didn't. LOL!

I thought I was the only one who did that!

To the OP....congrats! What you are doing for yourself is wonderful. I'm in pretty much the same situation myself (wanting to quit smoking before TTC). What I found was that for me there was something about threes that was tough. The 3-hour mark was bad...the three day mark was terrible...but what really suprised me was that I started having cravings at 3 weeks and now again at 3 months. I think it's the demon's last ditch effort to make me crack....at least I hope it's the last....Just be prepared for it and you'll get through it. I'm finally getting to the point where I can say that the thought of having a smoke does not sound appealing most of the time.

chitownmelli
12-11-2007, 06:32:49 PM
I don't doubt that would happen to me. Thanks for the heads up!

kori
12-12-2007, 01:13:53 AM
Wishing you all the best! I did the same, told everyone I could think of, it helps you to stay commited having to admit to so many if you fail!

I am coming up on my 11th month of being smoke free after a 30 year habit. I used every thing there was to help me though! Started with Chantix, praise the heck out of it, I wouldn't have been able to get that first nudge in w/o it! at 6 weeks I went through a VERY rough spell & grabbed some nicotrol inhalers someone had given me..well, it def got me over the hump, but now I'm still addicted to those...one's in my mouth as I type. BUT, Dr. said I can have those the rest of my life if I desire..no problem! What was amazing is my smokers hack went away within a week of quitting! No more stinkies...but, I do know I'm a junkie & can never have even one drag or I'll be back on them..I liked them too much!



Did you get any side effect from Chantix? For how long did you take it?

nbevins
12-12-2007, 01:36:00 AM
Congratulations to those that quit
I did the Chantix and it was amazing.I smoked for 35 years plus and had tried different thing to stop smoking--nothing took away all/most of the signals.To tell the truth I did not really want to stop smoking when I started it.I just knew it was time( a few weeks later I was told I had a silent heart attack).It worked great from day one--none of those strong urges that seem impossible to fight.
I did have a set back(real estate problems on house sale)and smoked a few packs--but easily went back to no smoking'
You get daily emails and tasks from chantix.The medicine you take for 6 monthes.My side affects --viivid dreams constipation.
I have gained 10 plus pounds--but quite frankly I am just eating too much

Good luck.I love being a non smoker--makes life easier.It is so hard being a smoking nowadays.

hookedoncoupons
12-12-2007, 07:29:52 AM
Congratulations to you and your DH for kicking the habit.
You're on your way to a healthy new year.

Here's a little "encouragement" poem ...

As you rise to face this challenge,
believe that you can win;
because you hold a strength
that comes from deep within.
You also have your HCW friends
who are here to encourage you,
since we need people in our life
to help see us through.
For strength comes in numbers
and a victory you soon will see.
You're doing great...keep it up.
We're proud of you and your hubby!

chitownmelli
12-12-2007, 07:44:26 AM
AW! I like that poem!

Checking in:
Doing great, feeling fine. Wouldn't have wanted to smoke today if the electric man hadn't pounded on the door while I was still sleeping. I asked the electric company when we first moved here 3 months ago if they would need to change the meters (since DH and I COULD spend time waiting around sitting at home THEN) and the lady told me they were already updated... well wouldnt you know it 3 weeks ago we got a notice that they need to upgrade our meters! So he was pounding on the door so he could get in and check our gas meter. (come to find out the neighbors who moved out upstairs thought the polite thing to do would be to leave the basement door unlocked now that they have moved out!) Yeah, I don't like people wasting my time OR waking me up, took all I had not to yell at this guy!!! I know it isn't his fault, though.

So, by some strange miracle, I was terribly annoyed when I first woke up and I don't even have the urge to smoke!!!! Thanks guys! (we shall see if I still feel this way when I return from the grocery store later!)

love2cook
12-12-2007, 08:20:49 AM
Yay!!! :hd2: I am so glad you didn't have the urge to smoke! You are awesome! You will beat this thing!! :encourage7:

BTW - how is your hubby doing???

chitownmelli
12-12-2007, 08:35:48 AM
He's doing great. He has stopped figiting now, and he has today and tomorrow off of work (and he took a "sick day" yesterday, which was apparently caused by the dangerous roads LOL!) so we are spending time together and having a good time. Now the biggest problem we have today is figuring out what to have for lunch :)

love2cook
12-12-2007, 08:57:57 AM
Good! Have a great day together!!

love2cook
12-13-2007, 10:41:51 AM
So, how is it going today? Hope you are both doing well!!

chitownmelli
12-13-2007, 10:46:38 AM
We are doing well, thank you so much for asking! We both had a bunch of cravings yesterday, but after getting through the first 2 days, giving up and having to start again is not an option KWIM? :D

Isaree
12-13-2007, 05:48:23 PM
Something that has helped me is candy canes! They are on sale everywhere right now, and I know we'll be able to find more after christmas at even deeper discounts.. I'm starting to dream about what we'll be able to buy with the $$ we save! Now if shopping isn't one heck of a motivator I don't know what is! :wink7:

chitownmelli
12-14-2007, 06:31:39 AM
Update:

We're doing great. We haven't given in at all and smoked, so that's good. We have a nice hard candy stash hanging around now, and it helps. Today feels like a big craving day for me, but I'm not worried about it, I have plenty to keep me busy - the craving I am having right now is quite annoying, ug..... better go grab those mints :)

chitownmelli
12-16-2007, 07:57:02 AM
UPdate:

Doing great, and feeling fine! I wonder when the cravings will die down a little. No big deal though.

We have a good reward for our hard work today. (other than being more healthy lol!) Tonight is the Trans Siberian Orchestra concert, and we were given tickets by Korey's mom as a gift. Anyone ever been to that show. AMAZING! :) Have a wonderful day everyone!

love2cook
12-16-2007, 08:29:22 AM
I am so glad you are both still doing great! Keep it up!! :BigHand:
By the way - I'm jealous :whistle: - have a great time at the concert! :wink7:

chitownmelli
12-16-2007, 08:33:41 AM
Aw, I wish we could bring you with, but I don't think I can make it to your house to pick you up in time and get back here before the show starts LOL!

love2cook
12-17-2007, 05:37:31 AM
I hope you had a good weekend and did well with not smoking. How was the concert? GREAT - I'm sure!!

Good luck as you start a new week!

chitownmelli
12-17-2007, 08:47:41 AM
Thanks Kathy, we really did very well this weekend. No smoking, no wanting to smoke. And the concert. . . . . . beautiful, as usual. I love that their music tells a story, and usually the story makes me cry because it is so sweet LOL! Once we walked out of the arena where the show was held, someone had lit a cigarette outside the door. It was the first time I think I have smelled cigarette smoke since we quit, and guess what, IT SMELLED BAD TO ME! YAY! I've been telling Korey how proud I am of him, and it's really like patting our dogs belly, lol, he gets really happy when I tell him he is doing a good job :) Ah, now another year until we get to see giant fireballs in the air while christmas music plays. It's gonna be a long year.

love2cook
12-19-2007, 07:42:08 PM
:wavehi: Just wondered how it was going!?

chitownmelli
12-19-2007, 08:39:46 PM
Hi!
It's funny that you ask. Just earlier today, I was thinking about how I need to update this post, and had forgotten, because I haven't thought about smoking in a couple of days! Isn't that great!?!?!?!

We're doing super! Thanks for asking!

luvmy3boys
12-20-2007, 10:15:52 AM
That is so wonderful!!! Congrats!

billig
12-21-2007, 08:08:05 PM
That's dynomite!
Congratulations!

love2cook
12-28-2007, 05:06:26 AM
So, how is it going? Haven't talked to you in a few days.

chitownmelli
12-28-2007, 06:54:02 AM
Well, I wanted to smoke last night like you wouldn't believe, and I was half way out the door to go buy them. (I WAS REAAAALLLLYYYY ANGRY) I came back in. My health is more important. So, I feel a little guilty about wanting to smoke last night, and proud that I didn't.

love2cook
12-28-2007, 10:35:48 AM
Well, I am sure that you will have times like that, but good for you for not doing it!! :BigHand:

mama22qts
12-28-2007, 11:27:43 AM
Good for you!!! Keep up the good work!

Mystkl1
12-31-2007, 07:16:21 PM
Its New Year's Eve, can we get an update?

DH quit on 12/10, and since you both started around the same time, I'm just wondering how everything is going.

Good luck to you both and stay strong! 2008 will be great!

chitownmelli
01-01-2008, 12:58:14 PM
We are still going strong! And glad we did this, too. Apparently with the new year they are adding another dollar in tax per pack in Wisconsin. EWWWW! I heard before that if you make it about 3 weeks, things get easier. This seems to be true. We don't think so much about smoking any more. It's really more the habit of reaching for one that we still have, and then a little craving comes, but it doesn't last long.

I am not giving in to the temptation to eat to replace smoking, I have to fit into that wedding dress in May!!! ( I do love to eat though! mmmmmm)

How is your DH doing Mystkl1? I hope he is doing great and congrats on getting past the first few days to both of you. That was the hardest and most frustrating part for us. I have never disliked my dearest so much LOL! Seriously, he was annoying! And I was crabby, I had to stay in a seperate room because he was figity, and I can't stand that even when I am not having withdrawl from nicotine!!! LOL!

Well, it's a good, and more healthy new year. We are saving money, even more so with not paying the extra tax! AND get this, we have gotten 3 of our family members couponing now!!! (they actually approached me, so I know they are really interested) 2 have a CVS card since yesterday, oh dear, just in time for the stock up deals on the 6th, I am just tickled! :) Happy new year all, and as always, thanks for your friendship and support!

derketchup
01-01-2008, 01:12:42 PM
OMG! $1 onto the price of EACH PACK!!!

Last time I smoked, packs were $2 each....

chitownmelli
01-01-2008, 05:15:26 PM
yep. on each pack. I don't know why, and I don't know how they can do it, but "they" did. Seems funny to tax one thing and not another. Oh well. Glad I made it so it's not my problem. (well, not directly, out of my pocket, right now --- sure "they" will get that dollar out of me some other way)

love2cook
01-04-2008, 10:38:13 AM
:wavehi: Just wondered how things were going??!!

chitownmelli
01-04-2008, 12:28:03 PM
Fantastic! With the exception of anyone who comes in contact with me (in person, of coarse, not here!) testing my limits - Well, I think we are just doing great. Korey told me a couple of days ago that he has wanted to smoke very badly this whole time, and is trying his best. I'm so proud of him. I'm feeling just great though, and I can be here for him now, because I am barely tempted at all, and like I said, the cravings come and go quickly, so that's fine with me.

Der, yep - $1 a PACK, and somehow up $11 per carton. I have no idea how they pulled that one! Oh well, I'm glad we quit when we did. I suppose I don't understand politics at all, because I thought that if something made money for the state they should not tax it to the point where people won't buy anymore! Like I said, I don't understand those things, and I don't mind. :)

love2cook
01-10-2008, 07:02:00 AM
:wavehi: How is it going?? Hope you both are doing well!

Deb53092
01-13-2008, 01:57:35 AM
Congrats!!!

Hardest thing I have ever done...it will be 4 yrs in July. Still miss it but I will be alive unlike my brother who died at 45 of a heart attack!! Preceded by father and grandfather @ age 48.

chitownmelli
01-18-2008, 09:21:37 AM
Still not smoking. Have felt tempted to the past few days. I have a lot of stress right now and if the rest of the world would TRY to cooperate with me just the teeniest bit I might now be so darn stressed out!!!! Not gonna smoke though, I never want to go through those 3 days and my health is more important (just hoping that all of this frustration doesn't backfire and give me an ulcer or something!) but that is what is getting me through all my rough patches.

mama22qts
01-18-2008, 09:45:54 AM
Woo hoo!!! can't do smileys at work, but if I could I'd send you a big one! You're doing great!

chitownmelli
01-18-2008, 10:01:25 AM
tyvm, I needed some encouragement today :)

Colinsgrandma
01-18-2008, 06:39:43 PM
I'm so impressed! My son and dil quit together a year ago last Oct. I'm really proud of them. They quit a few months before their wedding. It takes an incredible amount of willpower but you will have so much extra cash to spend on fun things. Keep up the good work.

chitownmelli
01-18-2008, 07:00:26 PM
ty. We are enjoying the extra cash. We are using it toward our wedding in may.

thickie
01-19-2008, 07:40:09 PM
Kudos to all of you! I quit 10 months ago and have gained back 40 of my 50 pounds I had lost prior to quitting BUT...I'm still not smoking! I'm really proud of myself and really proud of you all!


---
10m 2w 3d 12:38 smoke-free
8,094 cigs not smoked
$1,416.45 saved
4w 2:30 life saved

chitownmelli
01-19-2008, 09:45:33 PM
kudos to you too thickie, I can honestly say that I know how hard it must have been for you to quit, GREAT JOB!!!! Ohhh, and I see you have saved some money too, fantastic!!! I'm just now getting to the constant hunger phase, I am really trying to get more fruits in me but I am seriously craving sweets and "heavy" foods, I dont know what that is all about, but it's smoothie city for me at least till may so I can fit in the wedding dress!!!!

meems
01-19-2008, 10:48:32 PM
My nicotrol inhalers have kept me from gaining weight..I actually dropped 5 lbs. since quitting smoking...but I'm hooked on those & it isn't cheap! At least the Dr. says they don't have any negative effects on my health...11 months so far..

Hugs & kudos to ya!

love2cook
01-20-2008, 09:10:24 AM
:wavehi: Hi Chitownmelli! I haven't said hi in a while and wanted you to know I am still thinking of you! I am so proud of you and so glad you are sticking with it! It is definitely best for your health and your pocketbook! How is the wedding planning coming?

Have a great week!!

chitownmelli
01-20-2008, 09:20:09 AM
The planning is certainly coming. Not without a fight from all angles, of coarse, so whatever gets finished before May 10 is what we are doing, people (family) keeps offering to "help" but I do not want my tasks spread out amongst too many people. We all know what happens then!

Korey has been helping me come up with a lot of fun ideas, like we planned the favors together (pink tulle with hersheys kisses with pink and silver wrappers inside!) and he decided what thank you gift he would like to give to everyone, so that is neat.

I'm getting pretty excited, it's coming up soon --- and I keep remembering that I forgot things on our registry at Target lol! I think we need to go spend another couple of hours there!!! (who, me? A target addict? no - never!)

chitownmelli
01-27-2008, 11:32:15 PM
We had an argument - actually probably the third since we quit smoking, and he just went to get cigarettes and I couldn't convince him not to. I feel like such a failure, I made him want to do something that is not good for him. I am never going to fogive myself.

meems
01-27-2008, 11:37:09 PM
Why do YOU feel like a failure? He's the one who failed? HE made the choice, not you.

grammaof4andmore
01-28-2008, 04:59:13 AM
We had an argument - actually probably the third since we quit smoking, and he just went to get cigarettes and I couldn't convince him not to. I feel like such a failure, I made him want to do something that is not good for him. I am never going to fogive myself.

Maybe, if he tries to smoke a cigarette, it will make him sick and he will only try the one. Happens sometimes.

Hang in there!

chitownmelli
01-28-2008, 05:07:42 AM
Because I am the one who frustrated him. I told him that I don't want him to smoke, because he committed to quitting with me, and he told me too bad, I have changed my mind, and now I want both (me and the cigarettes) and then proceeds to tell me that he will take the cigarettes over my attitude.

I told him that I don't want to be with someone who smokes because it is nasty and unhealthy for all of us, and he said, well, I want both, I want to smoke. And then proceeded to find the most nasty things to say about me that he can..... my father was a crackhead, and I don't want to be with someone who will chose an addiction over our family, but at the same time, I Love the person that I met 3 years ago, but I don't feel like he is anything like that person any more. How can he be so very nice and wonderful one minute and evil the next? Why does he roll his eyes when I tell him that we can find another way for him to stop smoking rather than cold turkey since it was so difficult for him...... why is that pack of cigarettes (at $5 a pack when we are trying to pay for a wedding) more important than our family? --- I knew that he was struggling, and I offered support in any way that he needed it. If we were arguing about something, and I saw him struggling, I backed off because I didn't want to make this harder on him even if he was being a complete prick to me.....

I'm hurting really bad right now and I really wish my mom wasn't 200 miles away. Sometimes you just need your mom, ya know?

Mikki 316
01-28-2008, 05:39:10 AM
I agree with you, chitownmelli. HE made the choice to go get cigarettes, blaming you is just a cop out! Regardless if he was frustrated over an argument or not, that is not your fault.

chitownmelli
01-28-2008, 05:46:32 AM
sorry about the 600 miles, the 200 wouldn't be so bad for me if my car was in a fit state to be driving down there at times like this when I need to be with her.

What is different about him is that when we argue, he tries really hard to say something that is down right nasty that he knows will get a reaction out of me, and usually whatever it is, is very hurtful. You know, I have been with some real jerks in the past, and I do worry that I am only watching for this pattern behavior that they had .... so that I don't get hurt again. I'm pretty P O'd about him choosing to smoke when I told him I don't want to be with him if he does it. I mean seriously, saying something totally ignorant when he is angry is one thing, it upsets me, he says he is sorry - which is nothing like the jerks of the past, but how do you justify choosing a cigarette over your family when they have offered you help right out there in the open? What a day, I just want to go back to bed.

The reason I feel like I am at fault is because I KNOW I have a bad temper and an attitude problem, and I am not afraid to stand up for myself. I know I can frustrate a person (and he can frustrate the crap outta me too!) and I feel like if I had backed down maybe he wouldn't have gone out to buy them. Or maybe he would just find another excuse later. Who knows. I don't like liars.

Mikki 316
01-28-2008, 05:49:17 AM
Hopefully, once you get some rest, you'll feel better. I'm sorry you're having such a terrible time right now. ((hugs))

kori
01-28-2008, 09:36:28 AM
To stop smoking is one of the hardest things to do. The problem is that you never will be a non-smoker and that for the rest of your life there will be circumstances where you feel like you need that cigarette. In the beginning you tend to create situations where you feel that you can't do it without a cigarette. Some people are stronger, some cave in easier. It sound to me that your boyfriend did just that.

You have to want to stop smoking. If you are the one that really wants it and your boyfriend agreed to do it with you, but didn't really want to, he will have a harder time.

I don't believe that he turned into a bad person. He just looked for a situation to start smoking again. Now that he is smoking again, and after you both get over your argument, I am sure he will be the same person as he was before.

Most people don't stop smoking the first time. Some people try it 10 times or more. Sometimes it needs a special reason to stop smoking. You really have to want to do it for yourself. You can't do it because someone else stops. Try to set a good example and then, if he feels someday to give it a try again, send him to the doctor so he can get some help.

meems
01-28-2008, 09:54:48 AM
There are a couple of ways you can look at this..one, he smokes cigarettes..he's not a crack addict..is he really a horrible person for smoking? My never smoked in his life DH put up with my smoking for 20+ yrs., NEVER harped on me, he knew I would have to quit when I was ready, not when he was ready for me to.

I'm not liking the red flag of the blame game, go for the jugular...it's not a fair way to fight, just be aware that this most likely will not change smoking or not.

Please stay true to yourself though, you've come very far, don't give up now!

MrsPinecone
01-28-2008, 10:12:18 AM
What is different about him is that when we argue, he tries really hard to say something that is down right nasty that he knows will get a reaction out of me, and usually whatever it is, is very hurtful.

I would be more concerned about this behavior that the cigarettes, at this point.

Someone who consciously tries to be hurtful is not someone that I would want to be marrying at this point. JMO.

DH recently quit, and it has been a very tough row to hoe-- he smoked a pack a day for the better part of 20 years. But he never said anything that was purposefully nasty to me, no matter how cranky the withdrawal made him.

chitownmelli
01-28-2008, 10:38:09 AM
Thank you for your comments. meems, I understand what you are saying. I asked him how he felt about quitting back when we did, and I told him why I was quitting, and he told me that if I was quitting, he would quit right along with me - and seemed very positive about it. It hurts that he was "ready" to do it then, and suddenly he gets to just throw all of that progress away because he is ticked off at me, and I sit outside with him in the freezing cold begging him not to do it to himself after he has come so far and he just wants to be stubborn.

I believe that you can change any behavior (smoking is what I am getting at) I have proof, I did it and so have many others, and boy oh boy did I want to smoke. You all offered me support, and as a person who normally refuses to ask for help, I accepted all of your kind words and advice. Now, when I checked in with dearest, it was just him saying how he still wants to smoke, but refusing any help at all - saying he will still try cold turkey - but what the heck am I to do at that point? Suggest he chew the nic gum and put nicotine in his system, when he has already done without for so long. I was so proud of him, and I am really dissapointed now.

Anyhow, I was logging on to update, and got a little carried away when I saw there were new posts lol.....

Korey called me from work and talked to me - rationally. He said he will throw the cigarettes away and he would like to try the gum. I do not support swapping one drug for another at all, but if he is willing to come half way after he did this to himself, fine. He can pay for the gum out of his own pocket, not out of the wedding fund, or the grocery budget or any other place. He understands that we have some talking to do when he gets home, and I will not accept him going to buy smokes and having one or 2 just to p me off when we argue - because everyone argues - it's not an excuse to give in to your weaknesses.

About his new nasty way of fighting, that is another topic for another day, and I think it's about time that we iron out that issue, before I get stuck marrying someone who only makes me feel like crap to get me to shut up when we are fighting. He knows it isn't acceptable and he has promised not to do it (repeatedly), however that doesn't stop him when he is angry.....

Oh he tried saying some crap about how he paid for the smokes with his own money. I would like to say to you guys that he only has that money because of my coupon habit, otherwise, our budget would be shot at the end of the month. He likes to mock my coupons when he is angry, and I try not to let that be a soft spot for me, but you know, it is something I can do to help out more with the finances around here, and I don't appreciate being made fun of for it. I am just really having a crappy day. I want things to be happy again, but I can honestly say that I don't know if or when that will happen. I am finding it hard to forgive him for his crap these days.

Lastly, to respond to you Kori, I also do not think he is a bad person. I am just really wondering where this new behavior has come from, this nasty fighting.... I would like for him to stop being like that, and I have told him, and he continues to do it every single time we argue. I can do everything he asks (not yell so much, not get soooo angry) and he STILL gets to that point, just finds something to blame it on, or brings up a fight from the past when I DID do those things that "make him want to say those things to me" which I have no idea how that relates to the fight that is going on at the time. Maybe I should just leave him, I have already told him that speaking to me that way is unacceptable, so I don't see why I should put up with it after he said he understands, and I have done my part to change my behavior that supposedly sets him off.

I know I am rambling, I'm sorry - I just really need to get this all out. I also need to say that I refuse to make excuses for him, if he wants to behave like a jerk, that's just what he is. My mother made excuses for dad for years, and I don't think we want to get into what happened there.

If I didn't make sense at any point I am sorry, you know how it is when you just need to vent!

azangie
01-28-2008, 10:48:18 AM
Just remember, that fact that he smoked is not your fault. So what if you made him mad......he made the decision to smoke, not you!!!!! Don't let him put that on your shoulders. We are all responsible for our own decisions. He still is the one who lit up - not you. You need to take care of yourself and what you do. He will make his own decisions - don't take them on your shoulders or let him blame you for his bad decisions. Best of luck.

kori
01-28-2008, 10:52:59 AM
I would be more concerned about this behavior that the cigarettes, at this point.

Someone who consciously tries to be hurtful is not someone that I would want to be marrying at this point. JMO.

DH recently quit, and it has been a very tough row to hoe-- he smoked a pack a day for the better part of 20 years. But he never said anything that was purposefully nasty to me, no matter how cranky the withdrawal made him.

You husband probably was ready to quit. You didn't quit and went through withdrawel at the same time. Two people quitting together can be an explosive situation, especially if one of the two didn't want to quit. As we get older we get calmer, we know our spouses very well, and after we are married for 20 years we don't we don't throw surprise statement/comments at each others head anymore. :smile:

OP wrote:
"The reason I feel like I am at fault is because I KNOW I have a bad temper and an attitude problem, and I am not afraid to stand up for myself. I know I can frustrate a person (and he can frustrate the crap outta me too!) and I feel like if I had backed down maybe he wouldn't have gone out to buy them. Or maybe he would just find another excuse later. Who knows. I don't like liars."

We don't know what was said by whom.

chitownmelli
01-28-2008, 11:08:40 AM
You're right about that, the first 3 days were nasty around here. I had to bite my tongue so many times because I knew that my frustration was only my own fault - I was having withdrawal because I chose to smoke for so many years and now my body didn't want to let go.

I'll tell ya what, I don't even remember what this argument was about that "pushed him" to go buy smokes... the ugly part was when he got back, the argument we were having before he left was actually quite calm, we were talking, not even yelling, that's why I was so shocked when he was walking out suddenly because he just HAD to have a cigarette.

When we first got together, we never argued until we were together like 8 months. That has never happened before (not arguing with someone for so long). Our arguments now really stink, and I don't really want to share with everyone what they are about, hope you understand, it's personal to me- but I just want us to not fight. I swear though, when I try to be calm and understanding about something, he will sit there and not answer a question for like 5 minutes - just stare at the wall like he doesn't have a working brain cell in his head, and he knows I am not patient, no matter how hard I try. I seriously wonder if he does that crap on purpose. I don't see why he would, he doesn't like being yelled at. I hope it doesn't take us 20 years to get to that point.

Mikki 316
01-28-2008, 06:46:05 PM
Just don't get into a classic borderline personality and codependent personality relationship. From the sounds of it, it seems like the classic combination. My vote is professional counseling and quickly, before you even move one step further to marriage. JMHO.

kori
01-29-2008, 12:27:47 AM
You're right about that, the first 3 days were nasty around here. I had to bite my tongue so many times because I knew that my frustration was only my own fault - I was having withdrawal because I chose to smoke for so many years and now my body didn't want to let go.

I'll tell ya what, I don't even remember what this argument was about that "pushed him" to go buy smokes... the ugly part was when he got back, the argument we were having before he left was actually quite calm, we were talking, not even yelling, that's why I was so shocked when he was walking out suddenly because he just HAD to have a cigarette.

When we first got together, we never argued until we were together like 8 months. That has never happened before (not arguing with someone for so long). Our arguments now really stink, and I don't really want to share with everyone what they are about, hope you understand, it's personal to me- but I just want us to not fight. I swear though, when I try to be calm and understanding about something, he will sit there and not answer a question for like 5 minutes - just stare at the wall like he doesn't have a working brain cell in his head, and he knows I am not patient, no matter how hard I try. I seriously wonder if he does that crap on purpose. I don't see why he would, he doesn't like being yelled at. I hope it doesn't take us 20 years to get to that point.


Smoking is an addiction and some are more addicted than others. He wasn't ready to quit, and because he didn't know how to tell you he created a situation that gave him the “right” to storm out of the door and buy cigarettes. Now he smokes again and let me tell you he now feels really bad. He feels so small right now because you are strong and he is weak.


If I would be you I would drop the subject smoking all together for the time being. Don't make him feel worse than he feels already. Just ignore it and see if he returns to the person he was before this all happened.


The next time he wants to try to stop get him help. Remember, it has to be his own desire to quit.

Why did we smoke that first cigarette?:frown:

chitownmelli
01-29-2008, 07:53:57 AM
Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it.